20180511 – Friday.

20180511 – Friday.

I am sitting at a table outside the laundry at the Park I am staying in and I am absolutely frozen through to the backbone, but I have to stay here until all of my batteries are charged.

I got your message Mark Lunn about my solar power, but the Phone number I had for you was incorrect and so I didn’t get on to you.  What is wrong is that when they made my canopy, they put the solar panel in a clear plastic pocket and the pocket is not letting enough light through to provide me with sufficient power.

Sitting here has meant I am in full view of other travellers, and they keep coming up and talking to me, so I am getting nothing done. Apparently my “mode of travel” and unusual camping set up makes me conspicuous, as does my array of electronics, for someone my age.

Well, in the end, I simply gave up because my fingers were so cold I couldn’t type anyway. What to do. Breakfast sounded like a good idea. 

I now have two meals a day and go to Subway for those. That’s all I am eating, and the weight is beginning to fall off of me.  When I went to the doctor last I had dropped from 107 to 97. This has also meant that I have had to take less and less insulin, and my walking is a little better as well.

I have been thinking and thinking about the events of the last few days, and trying to learn what lessons there are to be learned out of those events. I really want to share with you some of my conclusions, and some of the lessons I believe I have learned. 

Oh and by the way, the only reason I am able to write this is that my fingers have unfrozen because I am now sitting in the Morisset public library, where there are POWER POINTS to charge my batteries.

So here goes. I posted that post that got you all upset I think on the 8th May, 2018. That was the post that spoke about how you should all just “get over it” and “love one another.” 

The very MINUTE I had put the post up, the texts began to flood in. “Take that post down, Fay, you stubborn woman, take that post down.” “Who do you think you are walking in here into our territory and giving us your simplistic solutions to complex problems,” or words to that effect.

I KNEW I was in “trouble big.”  I was due to go to the doctor, right at that moment, and so I didn’t want to, and could not front up to everyone  right them. 

Gail rang and started saying “Fay, that post you just put up…. “I said, Gail, hold it right there, I can’t deal with this right now I have a doctor’s appointment,” and I hung up on her. 

Jem and Jamin were breathing fire and brimstone from all four nostrils, and all I could think of was “I need time, I cant answer them right now.”

I went to the doctor and he was useless. I had got my eye specialist information sent to him but he STILL wanted me to have an eye test, but not with him, but with and eye-specialist. So that too was on hold. Groan!

Now you all know that I am a “talk first, think later” sort of person and I know it, the whole world knows it. So I am super scared of opening my mouth and putting the proverbial “foot” in it.

So after the visit to my doctor I rushed home and packed myself up from Gail’s place, I just had to get away and be off the map while I had time to think. 

I searched Wikicamps and found a place to go, drove there, paid a week’s f rent, parked my trailer got in and what did I do? I went to sleep, and I slept for the whole afternoon.

Of course in the meantime, both Jem and Jamin were ringing me and ringing me and texting me and texting me in one long stream of angry words

I found this out when I finally woke up and saw the stream of text messages and dialogue that was hot enough to burn asbestos.

So what happened from there was the most amazing thing, how Jem and I went from raging disagreement and harsh words to an almost miraculous peace and love.

I am going to recreate for you what happened in that amazing process. I still feel wonderful gratitude and a fullness of love in the aftermath of that miraculous transition.

Jem: Hi Fay, I think your latest FB post is so inappropriate. You are in no position to be broadcasting our opinion publicly on issues that are so complex that you would not understand. Even if you did, you should have enough wisdom to keep your counsel to yourself. You do’t come into an area, in which you don’t live and c moment on local issues, especially when it is abrasive to the very people who have been hosting you. Can I request that you remove the post please.

Fay: Thank you for your concern, but no.

Jem: You seem to have an overdose of a sense of entitlement. You see to be okay with cuddling up to people you call friends, deceiving them into believing you are being friendly in return, learning of their intimate traumas and struggles of life, and then broadcasting them publicly, with your own added (but unwanted ad unsolicited) opinions and judgments…as if you have somehow earned the right to abuse and dis respect those who have cared for you. This is a sense of entitlement. If you even knew what it means to “let each esteem other better than themselves” you would have never taken the liberty to write such slander-based-on-gossip. I will leave it to your own conscience about leaving that public post up for all to read and mutter about. I know you really care about others, but your post sends the opposite message.

Fay: I am sorry you feel that way.

Jem: Feel what way, Fay?

Fay: I am leaving your post up. I have a conscience about it. But I am leaving today. Thank you for your love and care. I am sorry only that I have disappointed I

Jem: I will try.

Fay: Well, that is the best thing you have said yet.

Jem: ):

Fay: Jem, do you love me?

Jem: Yes

Fay: Jem, do you love me?

Jem: Yes.

Fay: Do you love me, Jeremy?

Jem: The Lord knows

Fay: And that is exactly what Jesus was trying to say. “Loves thou me?” Then feed my sheep.

Fay: Well, Jem, you just won the battle and also the war. I love you too, Jeremy, with all my heart.

Fay: And now I will just have to see where it all ends up. I don’t know what to do or what happens from here.

Jem: I don’t believe you when you say “I do’t know what to do.” I know you really do, and that you’ve been in the truth long enough to know what doth the Lord require of you and me.

Jem: I am not an easy person to love, Fay, Possibly no one is easy to love.” 

Jem: I objected to yr post. You objected to my words, You dug your heels in. So did I. 

Fay: My ipad died.

Can I ring you?

Phone number.

So Jem and I spoke on the phone. I shed a lot of tears and Jem did too, and over the phone we hugged and kissed. 

I put up the bit on facebook about Jem and I “kissing and making up” and then I wrote to Jem, 

Fay: Well dear Jem, that is the best I can do. Wish you were here so I could hug you.

Jem:That’s good enough for me, Fay.

And Jem please don’t be angry with me for putting all this up, but I feel that people need to know how we got over our animosity and returned to loving each other again. 

We got through our impasse.  Maybe others can see how we managed to achieve it and do the same. Please, please, please Jem, don’t be angry with me again. Let me enjoy your favour, at least for a short time. let me have your love and not have to defend myself any more.  I do LOVE you Jem, even though I don’t always do what you want.