20180503.1 – Thursday – Waiting for my trailer

 20180503.1 – Thursday – Waiting for my trailer

Having written my diary for so many years, and writing only “to me,” means that I write very fluently and it just flows out of me. 

So when I went on this trip, and decided I would write for my friends, I found that the whole way I write and the focus has changed. Writing to me, I could write anything I liked, but wring for “You” is a whole different ball game and a whole different focus. 

When I wrote Runaway from Santipore, and then The Blacksmith’s daughter, I was trying to give a history of my life, year by year. 

But I got up to 1974 in my story and found I had become too difficult. There were things that happened in my life that I didn’t know whether I should talk about or not. And then I realised there were so many years to cover and so many documents I needed to refer to that it became a “mission impossible,” without my external hard drive, I haven’t even got those documents to refer to.

So what this trip has done for me is make me realise that I don’t have enough years left to complete the task I have set myself if I keep on going “year by year.” That the best way is just to write on topics, and tunnel down through the years and back up to the present and just give overviews and memories as they come to me, without bothering about structure. 

Our family has its share of problems and family conflicts, and sometimes we make decisions about who we include in our lives that are arbitrary and they can be very hurtful. My father had conflict with the Dangerfield family because they opposed his marriage to my Mum, so because of that I grew up not knowing I had a host of cousins I could have been friends with instead of being “alone” as I was. I believe he was very wrong in making that decision. I was 20 years of age before I realised that Roger Gore was my cousins. You can never retrieve that bonding that occurs when you are young. So in the Dangerfield family, I have always felt and “outsider,” when I should have been close.

I longed to know my grandmother, in fact I had a passion to know her, but she died before i was born. So facebook is my answer. 

I have grandchildren who I don’t see much of, and they must have wondered why. 

I know I wondered why I didn’t seem to have any relatives. 

So I want my grandchildren and great grandchildren to know that I love them. I want them to be able to find me, just by googling my name, and be able to read about their history, their roots in the truth. 

I know that God has designed everything “crooked” so we learn to interact with each other and love each other, and all will be sorted out in the kingdom. 

When  I die, if Christ hasn’t returned, I want them to know that, to know that I loved them, and that it is just human inadequacy and family turmoil that has kept us apart. 

So though,my dear facebook friends, I do write for you,  I primarily write for my family and extended family who for whatever reason are separated from me in this life. I will see you all in the kingdom. Please hold fast to the truth, God’s truth, it is the most precious possession I could hope to pass on to you. 

I love you. All of you.