The Blacksmith’s Daughter by Fay Berry 2013 © - Chapter 37 - 1957 07 04 - Fay Berry

The Blacksmith’s Daughter – Chapter 37

Back at work again there was tons to do. I so often had to rush out of my office to answer the phones for the Reader’s Mart. I felt our phone system was so inefficient and wished someone would invent a new phone system.

My interactions with Jeff Berry were always difficult and convoluted for some reason and I wished we could just stop the “one-up-man-ship” we seemed to carry on with in every conversation. Picking up Jeff and taking him to the meeting so often meant we saw each other more than would be the case if he had his own transport.

Bill Golley, the little message boy from The News had started to come to Sunday School with us. We had a new dictaphone at work and I was obsessed with it and tried to use it and play with it at every opportunity. Lew and I still seemed to play “musical chairs” all the time, him trying to sit next to me at meetings and Sunday School, and me glaring at him until he moved his books and sat elsewhere.

Barrie Spencer had been baptised which was a cause of great rejoicing for me. I had observed that Jeff had quite a temper when something didn’t go his way and I was not impressed, not one little bit and for a while when he saw my reaction to his display of temper he was very subdued.

Accusations of “flirting” seemed to be coming at me from all directions. I received a lecture from Wendy Jolly and then Beth and Charles “got on the bandwagon.” I became very confused about it all wondering when I was flirting and when I was just being friendly. At Keith Noble’s Kitchen evening I decided to spend the evening talking to Ron Noble, Keith’s 13 year old brother, so that no one could accuse me of flirting, at least for that night. My brother Charlie’s main concern seemed to be about Fred Hackett that I “did not add Fred to my list of conquests.” The only support I seemed to get was from Lew Osborne who actually commended me for how I had treated him when he liked me and I didn’t.

It all made me feel exhausted and so very tired and dispirited.

DIARY ENTRIES

19570704 Letter to Barry Spencer

19570706 Saturday – This morning I was back at work again. I didn’t really have much to do of my own work, but there was tons to do of my work work. Readers’ Mart was going hot and strong and just as I’d get back to my office, the phone would ring again and I’d have to go out and answer the phone again. Another “funeral and In Memorium.” I’m so sick of them. wish someone would work out a better phone system for this office. Bill Golly told me his boyfriend would be coming on Sunday, so that’s good. It would be good if something came of it. I came home for lunch at about 12.30 and then settled down to do some study. But as usual, it was not to be. I had everything set up and was halfway through typing some notes when in came Billy Ryall, the brother who works in the Arcade in the shoe shop in the mall. He had come to see Charlie about buying a bed. He stopped in talking with Charlie for a fair while then he came back into the lounge. He started talking to me about the feature Gay’s Arcade had in the News again. He said that since the feature, people have been flocking to the arcade and they just haven’t been able to cope with the work. That’s good, because before, they were lucky if they got 1 customer a day. I was really pleased about that. It felt that it showed that God answers prayers. There were a number of breethren and sisters, including myself who prayed for things to get better for Bill and now he’s on the up and up again.

19570707 Sunday – Brother Lindsay Colquhoun gave the exhort this morning and I enjoyed it so much. He spoke about the “Marriage of the Lamb,” and went over the same ground that we went over in Sunday School, with some additions here and there which really improved the subject. It was one of the best exhortations I have heard him give. Towards the end he spoke of how we would feel if at the judgment seat of Christ we were not found acceptable to God, how we would weep and wail when we realised how we had failed to value our High and Holy Calling. He really felt what he said. I was held spellbound the whole time. I went out to help with the washing up then. I spoke to Margaret Watson and asked her what she thought of the idea of singing the Conference Hymn at the Conference evening next Saturday. She thought it a good idea, so we spoke to John Knowles about it, but she said that Eric Grogan was fixing all that up, so I said I’d see him this afternoon.

I saw Ruth Eakins talking to Jeff Berry then and went over to speak to her. Then Jeff started to have jabs at me. He said, “Found any more errors?” I said that I had. Then Ruth asked, “What errors?” and Jeff told her they were in his Resume. Then she made a remark about having heard me “grizzling” about that. Jeff looked at me with a glint in his eye and said something about “that not being unusual.” I looked steadily back at him and tried to get the same glint in my eye. We stared at each other for a while. I broke first, sigh. Then Ruth said something about the Abraham Class, whether we were going to have official notes or not. I said that it wouldn’t be fair to Uncle Perce if he had to do notes. Then Jeff slapped me on the shoulder and said it was good of me to volunteer to do the notes. I said I was doing notes now and I could keep doing them. Then Jeff gave me “the glint” look again and said, Well, we’ll have to get someone to correct the errors then, won’t we?” I said. “Well, since you seem to be such an authority on the subject, then you would be the one to do that, wouldn’t you?” I wonder if Jeff and I are ever capable of having an actual conversation together instead of all this “one-up-man-ship. Ruth said, “Watch it, the Claws are out.” Then Ruth moved off. For a while Jeff and I stood there staring challengingly at each other. Then at the same moment we both turned and walked away. It was quite funny really. Jeff walked through the kitchen door and I walked through the door in the rear hall, and we met in the middle on the other side. We ignored each other and walked on.

I went to the Library then and got Ken Stewart to get me the new map that has been printed. We left then and went home. After lunch, when we were doing the dishes, Mum announced that she was going to Sunday School with us. I guess that means I can sit in the back and continue the fight with Jeff. We picked up the two Richardson children first then went to South Terrace to pick up Jeff. He came to the back of the car and got in, then sat on the thing over the wheel and said that someone had to be nursed. I said, “Not me.” He looked at me, as usual, straight in the eyes with a slight smile on his face. He said that he’d nurse Susan and sit next to me and so he did. He asked me if I had brought his resume and I told him that I hadn’t and that he was quite capable of looking up the errors himself if he felt so inclined. “Besides, you’d probably say I was “grizzling” again if I did bring it.” He grinned and said, “That was a dirty dig wasn’t it?” I laughed. I told him that there would be two boys coming to Sunday School with us today. He asked a few questions about them which I answered. We arrived at Bower Street hall at last and everyone got out and then I got into the front. Jeff asked us where we were off to and Charlie told him we were going to pick up the two boys. We followed the map until we got to Bills’ place. There was no one out the front so I went round the back. There were hoards of kids everywhere. I hadn’t realised Bill had so many brothers and sisters. At least I thought they were his brothers and sisters, but they could easily have been his friends of his from miles around. I asked a girl if Bill was home and she told me he was not. Then her father came out and I asked him if Billy was home. His father was quite rude and said, “No he’s not here. What do you want him for?” I told him that Bill was coming to Sunday School with us. Then Bill’s father said, “Why? What’s he going with you for, I’m his father and I want to know?” I was wondering what I had struck by this time. I told him Bill had said he wanted to come to Sunday School with us. He looked amazed and said, “You’d never get Bill along to one of those places.” Charlie beeped the horn, so I hurriedly departed, rather angry at Bill and surprised. I had thought had more in him than that. He must have got tired of waiting and just gone off. Wait till I see him on Monday.

When we got back to the Hall we were about 5 minutes late and they were just dispersing to classes. Mum gave me my books and we went into the little room at the back. Charlie led the class and did a great job. That brother of mine gives me an inferiority complex. One day, I’ll catch up with him though, but then he has had a few years’ start on me. Fred Hackett was there again. I’m really glad he’s coming along. Thank goodness he doesn’t show off all the time like he used to do. After Sunday School I got the copies of the “Names and Titles” that I had been wantint. I was counting them when Jeff came up and asked me if he could have one. I told him that they were already booked. Jeff was standing with Rosalie Foster and Keith Noble at the time. I went to see Eric Grogan and suggested that we have a Meditation period after the Conference night just like they did at the conference. I explained it to him and he agreed that it would be a good idea. I went out to confirm it with Don McColl. I told Eric that I would send a telegram to Brisbane to find out if I could get the music and I would look after the printing of the Hymn. Just as we were finishing off the arrangements, Jeff came out looking for me. Eric and I kept talking and Jeff stood by listening. He just stood there until finally I asked Jeff what he wanted and he said he had just wanted someone to talk to so he came out to find me. How flattering, and if I didn’t know him better it probably would have been flattering. We went out to the front then and Mum came up and told me she was going home with Charlie. Jeff was talking to Geraldine Stokes at the time. She’s a bit crazy, I reckon. She left Woodville a few months back, “Because there weren’t any young people there.” Then when Jeff and Keith started coming along, she transferred back again. Then I thought I was being a bit unfair, because I knew I probably have wanted to do the same thing, though whether I would have actually done it, I’m not sue.

Jeff asked me if I was going home with my mother and father. I wanted to go home with Charlie, but I didn’t say so, because Jeff would think it was because I wanted to go home with him so I just said, “That’d be an idea.” And Geraldine piped up, “Yes, I think so too.” Jeff soon stouched any ideas she might have had of going home with him by saying that he’d go home with my mother and father too. The one thing Jeff knows how to do is to get the whole world to fit in with whatever plans he has for himself. He went inside and told Charlie that he was going home with us, then he came out and got into the back of the car with me. Mum asked me what had happened to the two boys that were supposed to be going to Sunday School today. I told her about what had happened when we went around to Bill Golley’s place. I said I thought it was because we were 20 minutes late that he wasn’t there when we turned up.

I told Mum about what was going to happen with the Meditation period and that I’d be seeing Margaret Watson about the music tonight. I said that I had wanted to hear John Martin tonight but it looked as though I’d have to go to Adelaide. Then Jeff piped up with something about, “These people that use the speaker as an excuse to go to other meetings just to meet all their boyfriends.” We started to back chat with each other both of us being very sarcastic. Jeff said, “I want to see you at the Adelaide meeting tonight,” and with my voice heavy with sarcasm I replied, “I’ll go just for you,” and in a similar voice he said, ”And I’ll be watching out for you.” I wonder why it is that we are so sarcastic with each other.

19570708 Letter to Eric Mansfield

19570709 Tuesday – I got my work done very quickly today, but I just couldn’t settle down to doing anything much. The dictaphone was just about burning a hole in the cupboard and I was longing to use it but I guessed I’d better not until lunch time even though I wasn’t very busy. At lunch time I asked Joan if I should ask Mr Barrow if I could use it or not and she said I should ask him first otherwise he might be a bit mad. When I did ask him he seemed a bit doubtful, but then, with a little bit of, “Be careful Fay,” he said I could. I brought it out and and very shortly I was busily listening to it, reading notes and so forth, but then the noise carried out into the other department, and then some of the boys wanted to try it, but I told them they couldn’t. Then Betty Hastings came in and wanted to listen to it but I told her that Mr Barrow didn’t want a crowd of people in the office and if I showed her then everyone else would want a try. After lunch, I put the thing away and Oh, the afternoon went so slowly I could hardly bear it. I was rather excited too about tonight for some reason or other. It isn’t that there’s anything so unusual about tonight, just that Fred Hackett was coming to our place and I wondered what he was like after all these years. When it was time to go home I got on my bike and flew home. I had a race home with a boy who was determined to beat me. I don’t know why boys always find it irresistable to race girls when they see them on bikes. When I got home, Fred was there and he said, “You look a bit wet.” I FELT a bit wet, it had been pouring rain and I was soaked. I had a shower then and just as I was coming out, Yvon Cox, I think her name is, that’s right Yvonne Cox came in and she was evidently coming to the class with us. She came into the room with me after I’d had my shower and we talked for quite a bit about things in general. Then I came into the lounge and started to talk with the others. Roma was there and Maynard as well as Fred and Yvonne. I showed them the conference photos. I thought they had seen them but evidently they hadn’t. After the dishes were done, we all got ready for the meeting and I sat in the front with Mum and Fred sat in the back with Maynard and Roma. When we arrived I went and changed out of my coat and took my books in and put them on the chair where I usually sit. I gave Lew a glare that said, “Don’t you dare put your books next to mine,” so he didn’t. Fred sat behind me next to Charlie and Wendy Jolly sat next to me. I was glad to be able to give her the leaflets, “Names and Titles” and be rid of them at last. I will write to Malcolm Kirkwood and Eric Mansfield and a few others and send the other notes to them. When Uncle Perce arrived we started the meeting and Jeff and Keith hadn’t yet arrived.

Des Manser was chairman for the class and the class was a good one. Fred really enjoyed it anyway. I think he might keep on coming. I hope he does. After the meeting there was a bit of talk about Saturday night. I gave Phyl the “Extracts from the Proverbs” that John is to read and then I went out to Jeff to see if he’d do the prayer, but he kept saying things like “Well what sequence do they follow in?” and I explained it all to him and eventually he said, “Well how is everyone else to know?” and I said that it would just follow naturally, it did at the Conference. No one had to be told anything there, at the Conference it just flowed. Jeff kept putting spanners in the works so I gave up and suggested that I suppose John Knowles could just continue on with the prayer after the reading. Jeff makes me so mad at times he wants too much detail for everything. I told John that he would need to give the prayer immediately after the reading.

Dawn Lawrey came up to me and asked me if she could speak to me in private. She told me that Jimmy Green had written to her asking her to send the Abraham notes over that he had heard about that I had prepared. I told her that I would send them to him. She was grateful because Jimmy likes her and she doesn’t want to encourage him by writing to him. Then Rosalie came in and asked her if she’d try her hair in a bun or a chignon or whatever it is called. Rosalie’s hair looks quite nice now that it’s long, but it’s a bit straggly and hard to keep in order. We tried all sorts of styles, then a crowd of the young people came in and there was laughter and giggling and we had some fun. Fred came and talked to me and then Des came up and gave me my tennis raquet. Jeff said, “Have you been out playing tennis? Some people are keen.” I said, “Oh yes.” And Des said, ”We just nicked out and had a few hits a little while ago.”

Then everyone started to go home. Fred was waiting for me. When we got in the car I had to sit on Fred’s lap. At home Fred changed into the clothes that he had been been wearing before so that he could ride home on his bike and he hung his trousers up over the fire and they caught on fire and he’s got a hole in his pants now! Fred is one of those people who is “accident prone.” I brought out the photos that were taken about 4 years ago and showed them and he said, “Is that me? That fellow on the right? Is that me, Oh Heck!” It was the photo of all the Cobbledick clan at Belair. I was in the photo too. It was the first time I ever met Fred.

19570710 Wednesday – I used the dictaphone in the lunch hour again today and I read my diary into it for a while then decided I’d better scrub it off. Then I decided to speak my diary for yesterday instead of typing it first. I did so then got the remote control outfit and hooked it on and started to type it back. Everything was going fine for a while and then I found I couldn’t stop the thing by pressing the right peddle. I messed around for a while, but then Mr Barrow came back and I had to stop. I put the thing away but when he went out during the afternoon I decided to try again. First I rang Ernsmith’s and asked a bit about the use of the foot peddle. They told me that to stop the ting going, you press the left peddle down half way and then press the right peddle. I went back and wonder of wonders it worked. I spent most of the afternoon typing back my Abraham notes. They were much harder to do this time and I didn’t quite finish them. I wish this slack period would last, it’s been great being able to do my own work during working hours. After work I typed my diary back from the dictaphone. It’s a wonderful little machine. Wish it were mine. There was a letter for me from Joyce Watson from Brisbane today enclosing a copy of the Conference Hymn music. In the left hand corner there was printed, “With God nothing shall be impossible,” Luke 1:37, and Joyce’s note read,

Dear Fay,

Greetings in Our Hope. Received your telegram. Hope this reaches you. I wish you all the best for a very successful gathering on Saturday night. Please convey the best wishes to the meeting on behalf of the Confererence Committee. We’d love to be there. Our “Back to Conference Night” is to be in August when we hope to see Jimmy Green’s film as well as the slides.

With warm fraternal love,

Your sister n Jesus,

Joyce Watson.

19570711 – I received a letter from Barrie today, telling me that he has been and gone and done it. He has been baptised and so is now my brother in Christ. I was so pleased. It’s wonderful to think that I may have had some part in persuading him of the urgency of things and helping him to get a conviction which he had previously lacked. He tells me that he’s had his brief case stolen and in it were all his notes, my Daniel notes, Bible, everything. I wrote a letter to Malcolm Kirkwood today and sent him some notes. This evening after dinner, I was doing the dishes and Mum was just sitting reading the paper. I gave her a lecture and told her that she’d better not say in my hearing that she never had time to study, because after dinner each night she always wastes about an hour. We got the dishes done and then went into the lounge and Mum and I did the readings together. Then half way through, Billy Ryall came in and said, “What, still at it.?” He went through to see Charlie and then Brother Jack Skipper came in for Mum to start sewing the map. During the course of the evening, Jack happened to mention Jeff Berry. Seems Jack works at Holdens too. He could do nothing but sing Jeff’s praises. I expressed the opinion that Jeff was a bit conceited. Then he got onto the same theme as Dad when he speaks about Jeff. “The girl who gets Jeff would be extremely lucky.” He spoke about Jeff’s father too. Evidently he’s a very nice man. His name is Jim. Why is it that everyone sings Jeff’s praises?

19570711 Letter to Eric Mansfield

19570711 Letter to Fay from Lawrie Leadbeatter

19570711 letter to Malcolm Kirkwood

19570714 Sunday – Eric Grogan exhorted this morning and it was good. He told Mum afterwards that he had been very nervous and when he saw Dad and Mum and myself sitting down the front he felt that he’d have at least three people who would be pulling for him. After the meeting, I went out the back and started emptying the full wine glasses back into the bottle but trust me, I was happily emptying away, and failed to notice that the bottle was full until someone pointed out the puddle on the floor. I cleaned it up then made an exit and let someone else wipe up the glasses. I went out the front after that and asked Ken Stewart when my copies of Eureka would be arriving. He told me they would be here by the end of August. He’s also going to try to gt me a copy of the New Testament and Liddell & Scott. I went around the back later and Lindsay Colquhoun was holding court there with Jeff, Keith and John etc around him. I said, “Hello” to Jan Randell and then I went around the front again and talked with Eric Grogan for a while, then I left for home.

After lunch, Mum and I sat talking for a fair while then we got ready for the meeting. Beth and Charles didn’t come home for lunch because they had decided to go to the beach for lunch. When they arrived to pick us up for Sunday School they had already got the Richardson children in the back. It started to rain just before we arrived and did it rain. Charlie drove right up to the door at the front and we just hopped out. I sat next to Beth and just before the Sunday School started, Keith Noble arrived with his two little brothers, Ron and Trevor. They all sat next to me, then Jeff arrived (He’d been at Keith’s place for lunch) and sat behind us. I handed him a hymn book.

Sunday School was led by Bob Martin again today and I really enjoyed it. It rained awfully hard though and we could hardly hear ourselves speak. Then the rain started to come in and Jeff was getting slightly wet. The whole class got into a sort of uproar and everyone was moving away from the windows. We didn’t get terribly far into the study but it was quite a good lesson. I sat next to Rosalie Foster. Quite like the days when she didn’t go with Bob. I believe she feels slightly lost when he has to lead the class. After Sunday School, they managed to drag us all in to sing the anthem for the opening night of the new hall. They got all the boys in too. The practice was quite a success – at least there’s plenty of volume, if nothing else. Ron and Trevor Noble stood apart a bit and I told the younger boys to go and do their work and they looked after them fairly well. Ron says he’s coming again. I hope so anyway. He’s such a nice boy. I asked Trevor what class he was in and he said rather heatedly, “in the Kindergarten.” I don’t think he was too happy about it. I asked him if he was coming again and he said he didn’t know. He might be allowed. I can see they’ll have to shove him up a class or he won’t be happy.

Uncle Perce spoke to me before he class started and told me he had looked at my notes and they were excellent, and he could be using them and he’d like me to keep on taking them. That’s good. Perhaps he won’t have to do so much work on that part of it now. Hope I can keep taking them as well. I talked to Ron and Trevor Noble for a fair while, and then Charlie rounded us all up and drove us home. Jeff got in the back and sat over the wheel. He’s certainly keeping his distance from me. We talked a bit about Bill and Trev and a few other things. Then, as usual I asked him where he was going tonight and he told me Woodville. I said, Oh, what a pity, I’m going there too.” Then started the usual back chat from him about me following a select little group of speakers around. By this time we had arrived at the place where Jeff usually gets off, but Charlie didn’t stop because it was raining so heavily. I presumed he intended to take Jeff home. We drove on and then took the turning down Park Terrace towards our place and away from Jeff’s place. Jeff said, “Where are you going? I’ve got to get home.” I hadn’t been taking much notice of where we were going, and I said, thinking Jeff was objecting to Charlie taking him right home, “You haven’t a hope Jeff,” Jeff glared at me and said, “I’ve got to get home.” Then I realized that Charlie was going in the wrong direction. Jeff was rapidly losing his temper and said for the third time, “I’ve got to get home, I’ve got to take Sister Pascoe to the meeting, Where does he think he’s going?” Jeff yelled. I was getting mad by this time and I blazed back at Jeff, “Don’t you yell at me!” It sort of stunned him and he came to his senses. Then he sort of slumped, thoroughly ashamed of himself (I hope). I was still angry and I said,”I think you could get into quite a paddy if you felt like it, Jeff Berry!” then I turned my back on him and stared out of the window. He was quiet for a minute and then he said in a subdued voice, “I’ve got a terrible temper.” I didn’t say anything. We were quiet for a while and then Jeff asked me how Graham was getting on. I said that I hadn’t seen him for two days because he was never home when I was. I said that he was terribly lonely at the moment and blaming it all on the fact that Barbara was so far away. I said that I didn’t believe that was the reason though. He was just lonely and miserable and would be whether Barbara was there or not. I then said that I thought Graham would turn out all right in the end because I thought that one day he would hit rock bottom and come to his senses.

We were quiet for a while and then I said, “Have you ever done that? Hit rock bottom?” He thought for a while and then said, “Many times.” There was silence again for a while and then Jeff said, “Have you?” I said that I had. He asked me what I do when I hit rock bottom, and I said, “I pray. There’s nothing much else I can do, is there?” And he said, “Not much.” A bit later I said, “Jeff, do you think that you see yourself as others see you?” Jeff thought for a bit and then said, “Only if I put myself in their positions,” “Have you done that then?” I asked. He considered for a while and then asked me what I was getting at. I said, “You know Jeff, that you are hurting a number of the girls at the Temple, don’t you?” He was looking kind of downcast and he said, “Yes, I know. As you go on it gets harder and you get worse, not better.” Then I told him a bit about the lecture I get from Charles and Beth about me being a flirt and that it can hurt people pretty badly on the way. I said I think their lectures might apply to you as well as to me. We both love to flirt.

Jeff was very quiet and I remembered what he had said to me on the last Saturday night. “That if people knew what he was really like, they wouldn’t like what they saw.” I think I could love Jeff. I could love him, not for what he is, but for what the Truth is making him.I wonder if he could love me?” Still that is not in my hands, it is in God’s hands. If I “in all my ways acknowledge him, he will direct my paths.” It’s strange really, I’ve never had a relationship with a boy before in the way Jeff and I have a relationship. Normally, I would have decided I liked him, rushed in, flirted with him, probably won him, then tired of him, that is my usual pattern of behavior. With Jeff I’ve spent months forcing myself not to get involved with him and now, when I’ve finally acknowledged to myself that I could love him, I haven’t been trying to force his hand. I’ve left it entirely up to him and it’s much against my nature. Not only that, I’ve found myself quarreling with him and reproving him, which is most unusual when I like him as I do.

We shall see, anyway. Don’t know where it is all going. When we arrived at our place, I got out and said Goodbye to Jeff and went inside. I was leaning against the mantle piece in the lounge when Jeff and Mum came in. Evidently Mum had gone out and asked Jeff to stay to dinner because it was senseless to go home in this rain. They both marched through the lounge into the passage and up to the phone. Then I heard Jeff say, “I can’t ring up,” and Mum said, “Why?” then Jeff said in a disgusted voice, “Because they’re not on the phone!” They came back into the lounge and Jeff said, I’ll have to go home. Sister Pascoe is expecting me. Mum said, “Couldn’t you get the Wilsons to tell her.” Jeff told Mum that then the Wilsons would have to go round to tell Sister Pascoe in all the rain.” Mum stopped arguing then and said he’d better go, but Jeff, rather perversely, I thought, started to argue that he’d be foolish to go because when he got home, Sister Pascoe would probably not go to the meeting anyway because of the rain. Jeff said”..and you’re going to Woodville aren’t you?” Mum and Dad hesitated, and Jeff seeing that they hadn’t intended to go to Woodville, said he’d go home. He left then. Poor Jeff, I’ve never seen him in such a dither. He was completely off balance today and it’s so unlike him.

I left straight after dinner to go to Woodville. I caught a bus and found Wendy Jolly on it. I sat next to her and talked mainly about Woodville and the fact that Keith’s brothers, Ronny and Trevor Noble had come to Sunday School. Wendy intends to start at Woodville in the new year. Seems there is going to be a mass migration to Woodville from Adelaide soon. When we got off the bus, I stayed talking to Wendy for a while. I decided to have a certain issue out with her that has been bothering me. I said, “Wendy, have I offended you in some way?” She started, and said, “What do you mean?” I said that I had the feeling that she did not like me and I asked her as a sister for her to let me know what it was that I have done, or she doesn’t like about me. She tried to get a way from answering me, but I made her. She finally said, “Well you know what it is, don’t you?” I said, “I think I might,” thinking she liked Jeff and was not happy with him having an interest in me. Well, I was completely wrong. She surprised me by saying that she hadn’t been too happy with me at the conference, because the Sydney girls had been saying things like, “The Adelaide girls don’t wear make up, but look at the way they behave.” So I said, “So, what are you saying, are you referring to me only or other girls who were at the conference?” “Well, you and others, but, well, you mainly. When I first got to the conference I hadn’t even unpacked my bags, and there you were walking down the main street of the town hand-in-hand with Barrie Spencer. And then after that you were with one boy after another.” I didn’t say anything for a while because I was thinking,”That’s what Charlie means about me being a flirt. I think I’m just having harmless fun, but even if I am, that’s not how it appears to others.” I apologised to Wendy and told her that I was sorry that my behavior had offended her and thanked her for speaking to me because I can’t rectify anything unless I know about it. Well, the real message I took from all this was that I must never let a boy interfere with my frienships with my girlfriends, because later on, if I do marry it will be the the girl’s friendships that will be important to me, not all the boys I spend time with now. Oh, it’s all too hard!

At the meeting I sat next to Wendy and Phil Matthews. John Knowles was the speaker. His subject was “Do you believe that you go to heaven when you die.” He is very concise and covers his subjects so well, but not much “heart” in his talks somehow. At about a quarter to eight, there was a stir at the back, and in walked Keith Noble with his parents. Of course everyone wondered what had caused them to be so late. Afterward, I went and sat next to Mr & Mrs Noble and said “Hello” to them. They said that they were late because Keith had told them the meeting started at 7.45. Keith was looking as miserable as could be. He’s always turned up at 7 before, but he must have been so excited at getting his parents along that he made a mistake in the time. Mr Noble seemed to remember me very well and started speaking about The News where I work. He asked me how his son Ronnie had got on at the Sunday school this afternoon. I said that as far as I knew, Ronnie had done very well. I asked him what Trevor had thought of it and Mr Noble said that Trevor hadn’t been too happy. Trevor had said that, “They put me in with the three year olds.” I told Mr Noble that there wasn’t a class for three year olds, but evidently Trevor is very advanced for his age and thinks he should be in the higher class. I said that I would have to see if that could be rectified for the next week.

Then Jeff Berry came up and Mr Noble said, “Have you met Jeff?” I turned around and looked at Jeff and said,”No, I can’t say that I have.” Jeff looked at me and grinned and said to Mr Noble, “I think it would be best if you didn’t introduce us.” Mr Noble laughed, not knowing that there was a double meaning to that. I just looked back at Jeff and smiled. I got up then and went over to talk with the other girls. I came back to where Phyl Matthews was sitting and and asked her how long it would take John to prepare for a lecture. From there, we asked her if she and John found it hard to study together. She said it was much easier studying with someone else. Two heads are better than one. Fred Hackett came up and asked me if I’d like a ride home and I told him I was all fixed up. I don’t think he suspected that my means of transport was the bus though. I’m not going to let him get near me. He obviously likes me and if I give him and inch he’ll take a hundred miles. I saw that Jeff and the Pascoes were ready to go, but they didn’t notice me walk past. I was half hoping they would, so that I could get a ride with them, but I’m no going to ask Jeff for rides and things. If he feels like it, he can ask me. As far as I am concerned, everything is up to him. I caught the bus home and got home at about 9.30. When I came in the door, Beth grinned knowingly at me and said, “How’s Jeff Berry.” I leaned up against the mantlepiece and said (I hoped) nonchalantly, He’s fine.

19570715 Monday – My work was piled high today and I wasn’t feeling much like doing it. At lunch time, I read Elpis Israel for half an hour and typed my diary for the rest. I didn’t feel much like doing that either, but it has to be done. By the afternoon, I was contemplating an afternoon in bed, but I stuck it out until 2.00 pm. Then I rode home and left News Limited with relief. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we didn’t have to have jobs. Dinner was ready when I arrived home so I had that and then went into the lounge to work. Then after the dishes, Charlie brought a great pile of “Story of the Bible” labels which had to be typed. We had the three typewriters going hot and strong for most of the evening, racing to see who could finish first. The atmosphere was strained though and I could tell that Charles and Beth had something on their minds and that it would surface sooner or later before the evening was over. At one stage I said that it was pity that people didn’t put their ages by their names. I knew it would start things off, and it did. Charlie made some comment about me being “such a flirt,” and so it was on. Every now and then I’d say something and then they would jump back at me. It was really a case of “give a dog a bad name and she’ll live up to it.” I was feeling that if they thought the things about me that they evidently did, then I wasn’t going to disagree with them, in fact I encouraged them to think that way.

At last the storm broke. Charles made some remark about the late hours I keep. I told Beth that next time she saw Jeff Berry would she please treat him like a brother, not a criminal. I told her what Jeff had said to me when he got in the car, but she denied that she had meant anything the way Jeff had taken it. “She had just been picking up a stitch.” Then Charlie told me that I had been behaving in a way that was not associated with “a meek and quiet spirit.” That I was too “seductive” as far as boys were concerned. That I had not been behaving in a Christlike manner. I asked him for examples. He told me that a girl doesn’t go around with a boy for a week at the conference if she doesn’t mean anything by it. I said that the very first night I had gone with Barrie, I had told him that I didn’t want to go with anyone, because it was a conference, and someone might get hurt. He told me not to worry about it, that he wanted to spend time with me to get some benefit from my company as far as the Truth was concerned, and now he is baptised and my mind is absolutely clear as far as Barrie is concerned. While I was with him we talked about the Truth the whole time and I was carrying on from all the letters we had written to each other before we even met at the Conference. I told Charlie that I had seen a change in Barrie that’s been quite remarkable and I felt that some of that change at least had been as a result of the time he spent with me. I said that I had nothing to be ashamed of in my relationship with Barrie. We didn’t end up going with each other, simply because we were not suited to each other, and Barry knew that just as much as I did.

Then Charlie made a remark about work, about my relationship with Bob W. I said that since I had come back from the Conference I had cut off all contact with the men at work and now work through my lunch hour, reading Elpis Israel, typing notes and sending them to my friends in other states. He said he was pleased to hear that. Then he brought up Jeff Berry. He told me that Jeff is a flirt, just as I was a flirt and that I couldn’t tell him that I had spent the time from 2.00 to 2.30 am speaking the truth with Jeff. We were two flirts together having a good time, and certainly not talking the truth. I asked Charlie if it might have occurred to him that I might actually really like Jeff. I said I couldn’t speak for Jeff, but I could speak for me, and I wasn’t with Jeff just to have “a good time.” “And anyway,” I said,”How am I to find out if I like Jeff Berry, or any other boy for that matter, unless I spend time with them?”I told him that Jeff had told me that he hasn’t been out with a girl for 10 months. I said that at the moment Jeff is studying and can’t afford the time for a girl and neither could I, but we do like each other and want to spend some time together.

Charlie said that I was “just trying to justify myself” and I said that he was “judging me” and I quote Rom 14:10 “But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you set at nought your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.” Charlie thought for a while and then he agreed with me and apologised for what he had said and told me he wanted to start over again and tell me what was offeinding him, in love. He said that he believed I was giving the boys ideas, causing them hurt by encouraging them when I was not really interested in them. I said that I would give him and Beth some instances of how I treat some of the boys. I told them what had happened one night at Woodville. I said that after the meeting, Lew Osborne had asked to take me home. I refused. When he asked why, I told him that I did not like him enough to be continually going home with him. He said that he wouldn’t get ideas if I did, he just wanted to talk with me about the Truth. I knew that he liked me and still wanted to have contact with me. I felt that he would get over me quicker if he didn’t have as much contact with me. That same night Fred asked to take me home as well but I refused him, I told him that I was going home with Bro Eric Grogan, to stop him from pestering me. “And because you knew that if you touched Fred you’d be sorry,” said Charles. I reminded Charlie of the spirit in which this discussion was supposed to be carried out. “And anyway, I asked, why are you so concerned about Fred and yet not so concerned about Jeff?”

“Because Fred Hackett is very susceptible to the “charms” of girls, especially your charms, and I am not going to stand by and see you blithely step in and add Fred to your list of “conquests.” I was really mad by this time and I broke down and began to cry. I told Charles and Beth that they made judgments even before they have listened to my side of the story and that they were both self righteous as well as judgmental. In the end we each apologised to the other. By this time my head was aching and I felt exhausted. I suddenly felt that I had to get out of the house. I slipped outside and got my bike and rode to Unley. It was 11.30 at night but I just wanted to blow the cobwebs away. I got to Unley High School and it began to pour with rain. I was very soon soaked but I couldn’t tell what was rain and what was tears. When I arrived home I crept inside and found that no one had missed me. Charles and Beth were still in the lounge talking. I went to bed and slept.

9570716 Invitation –

to Keith Noble’s 21st

19570716 Tuesday – I woke up this morning feeling stiff and sore and bruised and as though I had a heavy weight on my chest. I groaned, turned over, looked at Beth’s watch and decided there and then that work could go hang today. Beth told me it was time to get up. I put my head under the pillow and ignored her. She went out of the room and then some time later Mum came in and told me it was time to get up. I told her I refused to get up. She sat down on Beth’s bed and we began to discuss last night. I told her that next time Beth and Charles were trying to tell me something, would she please remain out of the argument and let me fight my own battles because she did harm not good. I told her that I knew that when Beth and Charles attacked me for something it wasn’t because they just like picking, but because they love me and are doing their best to help me overcome my faults. Mum was still hard to convince because she is not happy with the way Charlie criticises her as well. I said that she was being awfully unfair. Beth would do something to offend her, then they’d both have it out and that thing should be forgotten. Instead, when Beth again offended Mum, Mum would add that offence to all the previous ones until it assumed a great size and Mum began to feel really hard done by. I got that point over eventually and Mum went into Charlie’s room and had it out with Beth and Charles and everything was forgiven. I was relieved because I could go back to sleep with a clear conscience.

I was feeling pretty terrible, so I got up and had a shower and washed my hair which made me feel a lot better. Then I came back to bed and while my hair was drying I typed up my diary. It’s a strange feeling going back over the things you’ve done previously and recording them. At times it’s rather painful and it certainly was this time. I was still feeling miserable about last night and was wishing I didn’t have to go to Keith Noble’s 21st tonight. I didn’t want to come in contact with Jeff in case I had to tell him what had happened last night. I was scared I might let out to him that Charlie intended to speak to him about his behavior with girls. The number of girls he gives ideas, with no thought to how much hurt he inflicted on them. It’s quite true. Most of the girls are keen on Jeff and he gives them ideas so blatantly, that they’re alternately up in the clouds and down in the dumps. I won’t ever let him do that to me. I don’t trust him as far as that goes. He wants all the fun and excitement of girls’ company without any responsibiity. So do I, really, and that is Charlie’s point. I can see through Jeff, but the other girls either can’t or don’t want to have their little bubbles burst. Jeff will wake up sooner or later but I think I’ll let someone else wake him up and keep out of his way.

After typing for some time, I felt exhausted so I put the light out and went to sleep. I slept until 4.30 but I was still tired when I woke up. I got ready for the party and then went into the lounge and typed some more “Story of the Bible” labels. Grantley Jolly came in while I was doing it and said something about “our party girl.” Then asked me if I was going to Keith’s 21st. I said “Yes.” He looked at me and said you don’t sound very enthusiastic. I laughed and said “I guess Wendy’s so excited she’s rushing round in circles.” He said, “That’s right, she is.” After dinner, I typed some more labels until about 6.25 and then Mum told me I’d better go. I caught the bus into town and arrived there at 6.45. I couldn’t remember if it was the T&G or the CML building I had to meet at. I thought the time was 6.45 I was supposed to meet. I was sure of that, I thought. I waited for a while and no one came, so I went down to the T&G. There was noone there, so I was beginning to wonder what was up. I waited there until about 10 past and then decided I’d missed them and rang up Dad and asked him if he’d take me. I was debating whether I’d just go home because I didn’t want to go anyway.

Just as I had decided to do that, I looked up at the T&G corner and there were a few of the crowd. I went up and told them to wait for me because I had to make a phone call. I told Dad that they had arrived and then went back. Jeff, Lew, the Lawreyie twins, Wendy Jolly and a few others were there. Lew was leaving in his car and I asked whose car I was to go in. Jeff said, “Lews,” so I went in Lew’s, it suited me anyway, the less I see of Jeff at the moment the better. Just as we were passing the crowd in Lew’s car, Jeff called out and asked Lew could he take two more. Lew just drove straight on. Boy, is Lew jealous of Jeff. We picked up Geraldine Stokes on the way, then drove to Keith’s place. We were met at the door by Mr Noble and then Keith came and introduced us. We went into the bedroom then and took off our coats and put on the party hats provided. I was beginning to feel slightly sick by this time and was wondering how I could stick the evening out. I talked to Bob Martin in a corner for a while, because he didn’t feel much like joining in and neither did I. Then he told me that if we weren’t careful we’d have Rosalie on the war path. Maybe I should join a convent I thought. I left Bob with the corner for company and then got talking with Keith’s young brother Ron. He seemed the safest person for me to talk to without being told off by someone for “flirting” again. I got on really well with Ronnie and decided I might spend most of the night talking to him and not bothering about too many other people.

Then the evening started, with John Knowles as MC. The games were mostly pen and pencil games with a few team games and such like. I got up with Ron for most of them. He’s about 13 years old and he is a very sharp little boy and it was safer to stick with him rather than any of the other boys because I would be wondering all the time whether others thought I was flirting with them.It’s going to be hard to learn what is flirting and what’s just having fun, because it seems I don’t know the distinction. Mr Berry, Jeff Berry’s father was sitting opposite me on the other side of the room. He’s quite good at pretending to be oblivious of people’s presence if he feels like it. I was hoping he’d keep to his side of the room and leave me alone. I talked to Ron in between games about his school and the subjects he takes, sport etc. I enjoyed talking to him because it is so uncomplicated talking to a 13 year old. I guess I should have made an effort to join in more, but I think I would have been sick. I couldn’t eat any supper which made me quite mad. I tried a pasty, but couldn’t even force it down. Ron got up during supper and Jeff made his way casually over to me. He sat down in the seat Ron had vacated. I was feeling really sick by this time and was wishing he’d go and give his attention to someone else but me.

Keith’s 21st birthday key came around then and Jeff handed it to me and pointed to where I should sign it – right underneath his signature. Very pettily, I signed it further down the page. He laughed. We just sat there, but I didn’t even make an effort to speak to him. He put up with it for a while and then he whispered, “sourpuss!’ and got up and walked away. At least he didn’t say anything about last night. Lew asked me then if I was going home with him. I said, Yes.” I said goodbye to Keith and his mother and then went out the front and got talking to Mr Noble. In course of our conversation he asked me if I was English because my speech was so “posh.” Evidently I do put on a different voice when I’m speaking to people. I’ll have to watch that. We left then with Lew and Nancy. When we came to Unley Road, Lew turned up Unley Road and I asked him where he was going. He said he was taking Nancy home first. I said I’d like to go home first, if he didn’t mind. He did mind! He said he wanted to talk to me on the way back from Nancy’s. I didn’t feel like it, but he’s been trying to talk to me alone for ages, so I guessed it would be best to get it over with. It took ages to get to Nancy’s place and my head was throbbing. Nancy has a bee in her bonnet about imposing on people to take her home and many other things and I spent most of the time explaining to her that she wasn’t imposing on people. In our case we loved to have her to stay on Tuesday nights and if she didn’t come she was depriving us of her company. I said, however, if she didn’t want to come home with boys she had every right to say “no.” She said something about not wanting to hurt boys, and I told her that it’s best to hurt them the first time than to keep on with it until they have got really keen, and then hurt them. Lew supported me on this and used himself and me for an example. He told her that on the first night he had taken me home and had got keen on me I had asked him how things stood. Then I told him I was not the least bit keen on him and if he wanted to take me home in future, it would be on that basis and he was glad that I had done so. It had saved him making a fool of himself. It took some time to persuade Nancy of this.

After we dropped Nancy off, Lew told me he had been going to Bro Colquhoun’s place and will be baptised soon. I’m glad. As usual, Lew started unburdening himself to me. He told me that he still liked Dawn Lawrey but that Dawn liked Des, etc. Then as usual he got onto his pet bug bear, Jeff Berry. He told me that on Saturday night Jeff had said something to Dawn, or was it Glennis? Anyway, he said something that made Lew mad. Then from there, he told me that Jeff had taken Dawn home one night and had kissed her goodnight “and had a real Pash session,” and then had cut her cold next night. I said to Lew that Dawn shouldn’t have told him that and he shouldn’t be telling me. It was Dawn and Jeff’s business and no one else’s. Lew said, but I knew you wouldn’t say anything. He said he thought it was a terrible thing for a boy to take a girl home, kiss her goodnight when he didn’t mean anything by it. I said that I had done more or less the same thing, thought I liked a boy and then the next morning in the light of day come to my senses and realised that I did not really like that boy and just cut if off there and then. Lew asked me if I had explained it to the boy. I said that I had and he said, “Yes, well Jeff didn’t.”

I was beginning to feel dizzy and a bit hot under the collar by then and told Lew that he’d have to stop being so jealous of Jeff and that what Jeff does is none of his business. We arrived at my place so I got out and went inside. Mum was in the lounge trying to get her feet warm or some such. I just about caved in then and Mum helped me to bed. I am finding trying to please Beth and Charles and Mum and Dad and everone else in this whole wide world so hard to cope with. I want to go and live on a desert island all by myself!