The Blacksmith’s Daughter by Fay Berry 2013 © - Chapter 44 - 1957 12 14 - Fay Berry

The Blacksmith’s Daughter – Chapter 44

This is a summary of the events in the last half of 1957 and the beginning of 1958, written 19580204

Before my Sydney trip in December 1957 for my brother’s wedding, I had been to Melbourne to hear the “Messiah” sung by the Christadelphian Choral class and while I was there, I wrote a summary of my escapades in Melbourne and gave it to Keith Noble when I visited him in hospital on my return from Melbourne. I wanted him not to feel so bad about missing out on the weekend because of his sickness and hospitalisation. My epistle to Keith covered all of the happenings in Melbourne but nothing of the underlying events that occurred between Jeff and I over the period. Jeff turned up during my visit to Keith and he read with amusement my epistle to Keith, because while Keith did not know about those underlying happenings, Jeff did!

After visiting hours were over Jeff and I once again spent some time together on Osmond terrace outside of the hospital, but on this occasion I made it quite clear that I was not prepared to carry on with our “on-again off-again” relationship. After that I saw Jeff once before I went to Sydney for my brother’s wedding and that was for a pamphlet distribution. Jeff tried to make me feel jealous of his interest in Elaine Luke by sending me “pamphleting” alone and in doing so putting me, as it turned out, in quite some danger. I was very angry at him for this and that is how I left it on my trip to Sydney and the wedding.

When I returned home from Sydney I soon found that Jeff had, in his terms, “been getting himself in a mess during my absence.” He said that he had been going with Elaine all over Xmas and now wanted to finish the relationship. I told him in no uncertain terms that nothing he did was of interest to me and that he could “jump in the nearest river,” as far as I was concerned.

On my return from Sydney after my brother’s wedding there were a number of events that occurred. One of them was an evening spent at Dean Pitt’s family property at Beefacres where they ran a market garden. He told me they had an extensive market garden, a large house, tennis courts and it was all near a river. It sounded good to me. Well it was a wonderful afternoon and evening. Their house was large and what struck me most of all was their kitchen. I had never seen anything like it. One very long wall was simply covered in kitchen cupboards full of every imaginable preserves of bottled fruit and vegetables. There were a number of outbuildings with a big billiard table and table tennis facilities. We had the most varied and delicious meal and you could play tennis or run around with all the children. All the Pitt family and relatives were there. One little girl took my attention more than any of the other little children who were there. Her name was Penny, Penny Pitt and she was Betty Pitt (Wigzell)’s little girl. She would have been about three or four years of age I think and she was just beautiful. She had blonde hair in sausage curls tied up in a ribbon. She was in the family like a “little princess” loved and spoiled by everyone, including me! She so impressed me. I looked at the life the Pitt‘s lived there at Beefacres and I didn’t envy them but I certainly enjoyed being invited there on that evening.

Ken Niejalke came to stay with us just after we got back from Sydney, and so did Peter Joseph and also Norma Bastock. I had met Norma in Melbourne. Norma was older than me, probably by about three years because she was more in my brothers’ age group than in mine. She was a commercial artist and quite ravishingly beautiful and I was quite over-awed by her. When I invited her to stay, I really didn’t expect that she would say “Yes” because I was so much younger than she. I was delighted when she accepted. I will never forget her stay with us. She looked like Elizabeth Taylor and definitely as beautiful. The one really striking thing about her was that she had the longest fingernails I have ever seen on a girl. She said she had to keep her thumb and forefinger long so that she could hold her pencils and drawings for her job as graphic artist, so she had to have all her fingernails long because it would look funny to only have two long. The clothes she wore were also beautiful but I was amazed to find out that everything she wore was made out of scraps of material purchased on sale at material shops. The reason they looked so amazing was because she was so artistic and could put unusual materials together so that that looked…wonderful!

When my dad met Norma when she first arrived. He was not happy. He had her pegged as a “fashion plate.” Definitely judging the book by the cover I told him. When it was time for Norma to leave the end of her holiday, Dad thought she was “the loveliest girl he had met in a long time.” Told you so Dad.

Needless to say all the boys did flock around her, including Des Manser. The funniest thing I remember was when we all went on a beach outing at Seacliff I think it was. In those days there was a big shelter on the beach and all the young people were sitting under its shelter. At one point in the afternoon, Norma took her towel up onto a sandhill behind the shelter and lay down on it to sunbake. One by one, almost every boy from the shelter vacated their shady seats and went up on the sandhill to be where Norma was.

Norma wore a green bikini and she looked beautiful in it. I coveted that bikini. I went looking for one like it but could not find it. As usual staid Adelaide did not have the clothing that Sydney had. Well, when Norma went home I whispered in Dad’s ear, “Well, do you still think she is just a fashion plate?” “No,” he said, “You win. She is the simplest most unaffected and nice young girl that anyone could want her to be.”

I was so glad about that.

I was very concerned abut Keith Noble. He was not getting better. I went out to see him one day and spent the day in his company. Keith was indeed unwell, and I felt really powerless and unable to help him. I was quite angry with John Knowles and Jeff Berry because I felth that they were the ones who could help him and they were not doing enough. I told them both what I thought about that, and what I thought they should be doing.

Peter Joseph who also came to stay was my sister-in-law Beth ‘s brother. He was extremely shy and not easy to entertain. However, he loosened up a bit as time went on and when he went home he wrote me some entertaining letters. His written skills were definitely greater than his verbal skills.

On the job front, I had finally left The News. There were at least two reasons, probably more, but all round my time with The News had really been very enjoyable. The first reason was that Mr Barrow and his gout and his objection to me working on my diary and such when I had no work work to do was a nuisance as far as I was concerned, particularly as he expected Joan and I to work overtime at our own “expense” at the drop of a hat without question. Also there was the matter of Bob W. He was still such a nice boy and still making “passes” at me and I thought it better to call an end to the whole thing and the best way to do that was to leave and have a fresh start somewhere else.

My first idea, or at least my brother Maynard’s idea was for me to start a copying office. In the end I decided it was really in the “too hard basket.” So the first thing I did was to take a job at General Motors Holden. Why did I do that? well, to be honest, it was because Jeff worked there. Well, it was in a great big factory type office with rows of offices along one wall with a glass window on one side facing out into a typing pool area. I had to sit out in this pool where I had a desk, a typewriter and an in basket and an out basket and a rack of paper, green, yellow and white. A bell would ring in the small office of the man I was supposed to be working for. I would go in and he would dictate a letter and then I would go out and type it using two sheets ofcarbon paper. I would put the main copy in one tray, the yellow one in another and the green one in another, and that was it. The bell would ring, I would take a letter and so it went on. The first day I was “taught” how to do the job. The second day I did the job, the third day I gave notice.

My “boss” told me I was crazy it was the best job I could possibly get.

Two days Later I had another job as secretary to the Managing Director of Associated Public Relations, a branch of Macnamara Advertising. My boss was Rod J. Martindale and his partner was Bob Muller. Rod was about 5”6” tall, Bob was about 6’3”. Rod was very stern looking with bags under his eyes that made him look a bit like a bull dog. Bob Muller had a shock of blond hair and was very good looking and his hobby was as a glider pilot. He spent much of his spare time flying gliders at Parafield airport. Both men were journalists, so my job was preparing press releases for the various newspapers and magazines for companies like the SA Gas Company, Yalumba Wineries etc etc. We were first of all in the TNG building I think it was on the 3rd or 4th floor, but then when Macnamara Advertising moved to a new just built building at 104 Park Terrace (Greenhill Road), we moved there. While I was with APR one of the things I did for Bob Muller was to type up a training manual for gliders that Bob Muller dictated to me.

Sometimes I had to take over the switchboard while the switchboard girl went to lunch and there was noone else at Macnamara’s available to do it. It was one of those corded thingys, where you answered the phone and took the cord and plug for that phone and plugged it into the extension. This particular lunch hour I had got myself into a mess. What I did was put my two arms behind the extension cords and pull the lot of them out of their extention which effectively cut off every phone call in the office. What it did do was give me a fresh start. It served the purpose as far as I was concerned.

Bob Muller had the driest sense of humor of anyone I have known. One day, 19580313 Thursday, to be exact, Mr Martindale was complaining about his leg hurting and saying that he thought he might be finished for the rest of the tennis season.

Mr Muller commented, “Well they’ll only notice your absence in the singles.”

DIARY ENTRIES

19571214 Letter from Ken Niejalke –

Dear Fay,

Just a very hurried note before going out to our Sunday School Christmas evening, I hope to post this tonight. I was disappointed I missed seeing you and your parents during the week. I was working on about three different jobs home here on Wednesday evening and arrived home from completing a job at our hall about 10 minutes after you rang on Thursday. To get to the point quickly, Fay, I am coming over to Adelaide for Xmas Day, Boxing Day and leaving to come back on the Friday and would like to know if it would be convenient to stay at your place for the two nights. Could you ask your mother for me please and let me know as soon as possible. If it’s not convenient at that time well don’t worry. Actually I’ll be spending a bit of my time around North Richmond way so I won’t be in your way during the day times. I intend leaving here after work Xmas Eve and travel all night arriving next morning somewhere around 8 or 9 o’clock. Please don’t go getting upset if you are unable to help me. I know I’m rather late in inquiring but I only made up my mind today.

Hoping to hear from you, Your brother in Christ Jesus,

Ken Niejalke.

PS. I wrote to you, Fay, and not your mother because Bro Mullin told me you said I had an obligation to fulfil – it’s fulfilled now!

19571217 Letter to Barrie Stretton –

Greetings in Christ’s name. Enclosed are the Abraham notes to date. At the moment I’m sitting in Charlie’s old room, which is looking amazingly spartan. When we arrived home, I opened the door of his room and hurriedly shut it again. You couldn’t see the floor for junk and wrappings. I spent all yesterday cleaning the room out – this consisted of transferring the stuff from his room to mine, that is, all the notes and books he has left behind – the rest went into the incinerator. I’ve resurrected all my books from drawers and from the shed etc. And now, once again, Charlie’s book shelves are filled to overflowing. In that alone, does the room resemble its former appearance. I’m going to miss Charlie, but I‘ll probably miss his books more. He just about owned half the public library. Guess I’ll go broke because I’ll have to buy my own books from now on. Just about all our classes are closed down at the moment and I can’t say that I’m sorry. I’ll have a little time to type back the piles of notes I’ve accumulated over the last few months and to get my correspondence up to date. If you’re still coming to Adeaide in the new year, there will always be a spare bed at our place (four to be exact) and Mum supports me when I say that you will be welcome. Most of the YP are going to Wallaroo this Xmas. Half their luck! I had my name down on the list but apart from lack of funds, I’ve got too much work to do, so I had to cancel my arrangements. Oh well, there are still some outings in Adelaide for the remainder of the Young People, so I ‘ll probably go to some of them if I can’t stick the work.

19571217 Letter to Ken Niejalke –

Dear Ken,

Yes, you re welcome to stay at our place anytime.

I’ve just finished cleaning out Charlie’s old room, so the bed and the room are all ready.

19571217 Letter to Norma Bastock –

Dear Norma, This is just a note to confirm the invitation I gave you in Melbourne to stay at my place for the time, or part thereof, that you intend spending in Adelaide. We’d really love to have you, if you’d like to stay with us. There won’t be many meetings on until February, but if you come before then, we’ve got a large lounge that can take most of the young folk. Des Manser told me that if you do come to our place there is going to be a path worn by his Father ‘s Mainline from his place to mine. We only live a few miles from each other. Would you welcome that, or would you rather take it as a warning? Anyway, let us know if you will be staying with us, or whether you have made other arrangements

Love,

Your sister in Christ

Fay O’Connor

19571218 Wednesday – I never want to experience a repeat performance of today. It was one of those days that seem to be never ending.

Last night before I went to sleep I got thinking about Keith Noble and I remembered what Jeff Berry had told me about the letter Keith had written to him. I determined that next day I would go to see Keith and see if there was any hope of getting him out of his depression. I couldn’t sleep through thinking about it – I prayed quite a bit for Keith that night.

It was a terrifically hot day today and Mum piled the work on. I was glad when I could leave for Keith’s place. I arrived at about 11.30 am. Keith was working in the garden when I walked in the gate. He looked up and smiled, but even then, I noticed that there was no feeling behind his smile. It was as though he was thinking that this was the correct way to greet a visitor and that was the only reason he smiled and greeted me as he did. I sat down beside him and he began to ask numerous questions. “How did the Wedding go?” “Did Charles and Beth get my telegram?” “What is their flat like?” etc. I’m sure that if I told him that Beth and Charles had eloped and gone to America he wouldn’t have given it a second thought. He was asking questions, but not really listening or interested in my answers. He was just thinking what his next question would be.

Mrs Noble and Ron came out then. I went inside with them and answered their questions about the wedding. Everything I’d go to tell her though, she already seemed to know. It seems that every single word I say to Ron, he repeats to his family almost word perfect. Keith came in then and brought out all his old photos. I’ve seen those photos at least six times over now. He never seems to remember showing them to me and I can’t tell him, so I just look at the hideous old things over again and smile politely. It is so obvious that Keith is just avoiding having to sit and talk to me and he racks his brains trying to find ways to entertain me. We had lunch then and then all Keith talked about was how remarkably like Trevor, Ron looked in one of the photos.

After lunch we did the dishes and Mrs Noble told me that the Doctor had told her that she must get Keith to help with the dishes – he must always be doing something. Mrs Noble made every opportunity to talk to me without Keith hearing. She’s at her wits end trying to get Keith to do things. I could see that she was going the wrong way about it, though, as mothers seem always to do. Everything Ron or Keith would speak to her she’d take their simple statements as directed against her and she’d fly off the handle and nag at them. She knows she is not helping Keith by doing this and it worries her terribly. She’s another person who‘s heading for a breakdown.

After the dishes, Keith asked me if I’d like to play drafts. I played drafts. I beat him twice and then we gave it away. Ron was trying to get Keith to go to the beach but he refused. The next on Keith’s list off ways-to-entertain-unwanted-visitors was table tennis. We played a few games of that. By this time I was over playing table tennis or any other game for that matter. I was just fed up to the back teeth. I knew Keith wished me a hundred million miles elsewhere but that he‘d resigned himself to having me on his hands for the day. I’d just about given up hope of carrying out what I had originally planned. Yesterday Fred Hackett had invited me to go out to his place for a swim this afternoon and I thought if I could only manage to get Keith to come with me, it might do him some good. I told Keith I’d was tired of playing table tennis and I grabbed a paper and went into the lounge and sad down and pretended to read. Ron was there reading a book. After Keith had finished putting the table tennis gear away he came in and sat down opposite me. I ignored him and continued to read the paper. We were both silent. We sat there saying nothing for some time, but then to my amazement and relief, Keith began to talk.

He talked firstly about how “a person” reacts to certain things. Gradually that “person” began to change into “I” or “me.” Keith spoke slowly at first, searching for words trying to express things that had obviously lain dormant in his mind for a very long time. He started to tell me how he had felt when he came out of hospital. He said that he had felt better than he had for a long, long time. The future ahead of him appeared bright, things had got back into their right perspective – he was better. While he had been in hospital he and Jeff had laughed and joked about how it would slay everyone if they both turned up at the Messiah with a couple of nurses in tow. Then later on, Keith was talking to one of the Sisters at the hospital and she expressed a desire to go to the Messiah, and then Keith feeling as he did, found himself asking her to go with him. Between the two of them they arranged for her girlfriend to go too, with Jeff as her escort.

Jeff was rather startled when he found out what Keith had arranged, but he agreed to go with him to the Messiah. Then Keith came out of hospital and went home, but instead of progressing, he began to slip back. Each day he’d wake up feeling just a bit more listless. He seemed to be losing something and he didn’t know what it was. Then came the Messiah. Keith wanted to go to that more than anything, but by this time, he was not well enough and he had to write and cancel the arrangements he had made with the nurse and with Jeff. He sent the nurses the tickets so that they could still go to the Messiah.

That Thursday just completed his depression. He’d never before felt the desire to take a girl anywhere, because he’d never felt that he could enjoy a girl’s company. He’d badly wanted to take this Sister to the Messiah. “That night,” said Keith, “I felt like going to the nearest cliff and jumping off.” Keith was groping for words now, and he was finding trouble trying to express his feelings. I was straining my mind to the utmost, trying to anticipate his meaning and to help him express it. Quite often, if I could find the right word to express what he was feeling he would grasp at it and talk on until once more, he would be at a loss to find the right word and again I would express it for him. So it went on.

I asked him if he still felt the way he did when he wrote the letter to Jeff and John. He looked at me sideways, wondering how I knew about the letter. “Well..yes.” He said. I asked him how he felt about people and company. I don’t think he’s very good at analysing his feelings. He seems to have difficulty in finding words to describe how he feels. He told me that people, music, everything has lost its meaning. When he left hospital, he was really enthusiastic about music for instance. He asked me whether I liked the record of Bing Crosby singing “White Christmas” which had just come over the radio. I said that I did. “Before I came out of hospital, I really liked that recording, I could…I could live it, get behind it, but now, though it’s the same record, same person singing, it’s just a record, just a person singing – it doesn’t mean a thing and it’s the same with people” he continued, “All girls are the same, all boys are the same, there doesn’t seem to be any difference between them. As far as I’m concerned, they’re something that’s there…” “A necessary evil,” I prompted. “Yes” he replied “I know they’re there and that I have to meet them, but I just can’t be bothered. They react in different ways to me and I only feel I’m spoiling their fun when I’m with them and they think I’m conceited and aloof, even Jeff and John do,” he said. He paused and looked at me, he hadn’t meant to say that. “They’re my best friends, but…” “You’d rather not even be with them?” I continued for him. “Well…yes,” he said, “even though they are my best friends.”

“It depends what you call best friends” I cut in. “The way I see it, Jeff any John may be your best friends, but do you ever get beyond the pleasantries with Jeff and John?” He thought for a while and then said that he didn’t, but then he didn’t get beyond the “pleasantries” with anyone. I told him that my idea of a best friend was a person you could tell the most personal, private things to, a person you can go to for advice, sympathy and understanding. A person who can act as a brick wall – you can tell him/her things and know that they will go no further. I asked Keith if either Jeff or John fitted that criteria. “No they don’t.” He said, “It’s like you said, we don’t get beyond the pleasantries. It’s like..three people who have been thrown together going around with each other because there’s no-one better to go with.” I asked him if he’d like to confide in Jeff and John. He told me that he would but that they think he’s queer. They can’t understand him. (If Jeff and John had been there just then I would willingly have throttled both of them). Jeff and John don’t really know Keith and I’d be surprised if they really want to know him – they’d be scared they might find out things they don’t want to know. If they were true friends to Keith, Keith would feel that he could trust them and he’d probably not be as he is now. I asked him if he had ever had a confidante in his life. He hadn’t. Just think of that. All his life he’s never expressed his private feelings to anyone. No wonder he finds it so hard to analyse his feelings to even beging to find what’s wrong with him.

I asked him why he used to be such a fanatic as far as running was concerned. He said he didn’t know. “It wasn’t that I wanted to be famous or anything,” he said, “it was just something to do. I was happy while I was running..” “It was an outlet?” I queried. “Yes,” he agreed, “It was what I lived for.” “When you came into the Truth, though, you gave it away – How did that affect you?” I asked. “I tried to make the Truth my interest then, but somehow I couldn’t…couldn’t seem to get any feeling into it.” Why did you give up your running? Did you feel you had to give up running? I asked. “No, but when I came into the Truth it just somehow stopped. I was interested in God and the Bible and running didn’t seem so important any more.” He replied.

I told him that I had noticed previously that when he was speaking the Truth with me, he’d say enthusiastic words, discuss some aspect of the scriptures in glowing terms and yet he’d seem to be detached as though he knew this was how he “should” feel, these were the words he “should” say, but he couldn’t somehow feel the conviction of his words. Again I seemed to have hit on the right expression for something he felt but couldn’t express. It seemed to bring a new light on things in his mind. If John and Jeff would only ask him some leading questions occasionally, and help him to get things off his chest. They’ve more chance of helping him than I have. He admires and hero-worships the two of them so much.

I asked Keith what John and Jeff had been doing to help him. He told me that John and Jeff have been trying to get him to go to things and to get out, but that he won’t. The doctor has told him he must get out and meet people. “I know that the doctor is a trained man and should know what he’s talking about,” he said, “but when I go out, I get no good from it. It’s getting that way that for peace’s sake I do as I’m told, but I’d much rather just to be on my own.” He said that his own commonsense told him that what he’d rather do is not doing him any good so he knows he should make the effort to see people but he just can’t be bothered. He said that it’s getting that way now that when he goes somewhere, does something, he starts asking himself questions. For instance, if he goes for a swim, “What good did that do me? Why should I do it again?” He’s getting detached from himself. He says that as far as he is concerned, life is something you’ve got and can’t do anything about, so you’ve just got to put up with it. He doesn’t get enjoyment out of anything. “ And then, because I’m different, people are guarded in what they say to me. They’re careful how they approach me. They try to tell me I’m imagining things, but a man would be mad if he didn’t want to be well and healthy. You don’t get ill through imagination. “Those photos I showed you. Do you know why I showed them to you?” Keith asked. “They were taken years ago, yet I can detect a shyness and an aloofness in me even then. I haven’t been like I am just for a few months. It’s been developing for years. Just how do you go about correcting something that goes back that far?” Now I felt guilty for not realising he had shown me all those photos for a reason. I complain about John and Jeff and I’m just as thoughtless.

Keith continued “I went to the doctors last week. He told me I had improved. He was very pleased with my progress. I could have picked up something and hit him over the head with it. I knew I hadn’t improved. I wanted to recapture how I felt when I first came out of hospital. If this is how you feel when you have improved…well, I’ve had it, I don’t want any more of it.”

I realised then that I can’t help Keith. I’m not equipped to help him, I’m no psychiatrist. What can I do, what can someone else do? I made the plunge then. If I couldn’t help him by talking to him, maybe if we could get out of here and do something. At least he might have a better day. I told him about Fred’s invitation. At first he wouldn’t have any of it, but I began to try and work him around to it, but just at the crucial moment, his mother came in. She heard my last words about the beach. In a belligerent tone, she told Keith that he had only been out twice in the last fortnight and that he should go with me to the beach. I groaned inwardly. Keith went straight back into his shell, and said he didn’t want to go to the beach.

We had dinner then. His father was home by this time. Talk took normal channels. I was feeling mentally exhausted and was just longing to get out of the place. After dinner, Keith asked me if I’d like to play cards. Here we were, back on the same footing as when I had first arrived. I agreed and then the whole family joined in a game of “Rummy.” After that, I said I had better go. Ronny got me aside and asked me if I had managed to persuade Keith to go to the beach. I told him that I hadn’t. He looked terribly disappointed. He really loves his brother and is so distressed at the way he is.

I went up to the bedroom to get my things. Mrs Noble followed me anxious to talk. She told me a few things. What the doctor had told her she must do for Keith etc. She told me that he had told her that Keith has a very bad inferiority complex. He’s terribly shy as a result. She told me that she is a bit disappointed in Jeff and John. She knows it’s a long way out to their place, but since Keith has been out of hospital they have only been to see him once. She had hoped that they might be able to help him, but they didn’t seem to be able to. She said that though Keith didn’t say anything, he looked forward to their visits, and when they didn’t turn up, he was a bit more moody and miserable. One day she told him to go out to John’s place and he got on the bus but he just rode the bus to the terminus and back without getting out of the bus.

Keith has talked himself into believing that the next stop for him is a Mental Hospital and once a person has done that, the next step usually is a Mental Hospital. Something will have to be done soon. I can’t do anything though. It will have to be Jeff and John. I guess they pray for Keith just as much as I do, but they’ve got to act as well. I said goodbye to Keith and though he tried not to look it, he was glad I was going, so that he could go back and mope in peace. As soon as he had gone inside his parents came to the gate with me and asked me when I would come again. I told them there wasn’t much I could do and I probably wouldn’t be coming again for a while. I asked them if they were coming to the Woodville prize giving night. They said they would try, because if they went, Keith might decide to come. I left then and went home. I’ve never been so relieved to get out of a place.

I arrived home at about 9 o ‘ clock. There was no-one home. That was the last straw. I knew they had gone to the beach and the thought that I could be relaxing at the beach made me feel as though I wanted to scream. I’ll be needing a psychiatrist soon, not Keith! Eventually in desperation, I rang up Des Manser. He was a bit down in the dumps too because he didn’t pass his Pharmacy course. He’s got to sit for the supplementary. Poor Des, I know what THAT feels like. He was trying to think of games for John Henry’s party Saturday night. I told him I had a book or two of games here he could have if he liked. He told me to ride my bike to his place and give them to him. I told him, “Yes, and you can fly to the moon.” Eventually we came to a compromise. I went to the Temple to give the books to Brother Manser. I couldn’t go into the Temple because I wasn’t exactly dressed for it so I beckoned to Bro Manser through the window – he was in the middle of drinking a cup of tea. With exaggerated haste, he came outside to see me. I gave him the books and he suggested I come out to their place for an hour or two. I said I would. While I was waiting for him to get Sister Manser, I talked to the Phyllis boy from Enfield. It was his parents who were being baptised tonight. Bro Manser put my bike into the back of the car and we drove to the Manser‘s place.

We went in the front door, stepped over Graham who was sleeping on the floor, tripped over a chair placed conveniently in the doorway and went in and said “Hello” to Des and Brian. They were just wearing shorts and looked awfully cool, the lucky things. We drank ginger beer and talked for about an hour and a half and then I said it was time I went home. Brian informed me he was driving me home and Des was coming as our chaperon, or the other way round, whichever it might be. We talked out the front of our place until I said I was tired and I went into the house and straight to bed. Strange as it may seem, I’m exhausted.

19571219 Letter to Jeff

Dear Jeff,

Just a note.

Yesterday I went to Keith Noble’s place. Keith is not doing well. I wrote up my diary about it and I am enclosing the relevant pages for you to read. From what I have observed. Keith needs help pretty badly and as far as I can see, you and John Knowles have more hope than anyone else of being able to provide that help. I have given you my diary pages because I’ve said some things in there that will be easier for you to read than for me to say them to you. Please don’t be offended by anything I wrote. You might also like to show these pages to John because he needs to know as well. Keith needs help and you and John are the ones he is expecting to receive that help from.

Sincerely

Fay O’Connor

19571220 Letter to Norma Bastock –

Dear Norma,

This is just to confirm the invitation I gave you in Melbourne to stay at my place when you come to Adelaide. We ‘d love to have you to stay with us. There won’t be many meetings on until February, but if you come before then, we’ve got a large lounge that can take most of the Young Folk. Des Manser told me that if you do come to our place, there is going to be a path worn by his Father’s Mainline from his place to mine. Would you welcome that, or would you rather take it as a warning?

Anyway, let me know if you will be staying with us, or whether you have made other arrangements.

Love

Fay O’Connor

19571220 Letter from Norma Bastock –

Dear Fay,

Thanks so much for the invitation to stay at your place. After much annoying of bosses etc. I have at last obtained two weeks from Xmas Eve and I persuaded my boss to give me another week which he very reluctantly gave. However up until last night I had given up on going to Adelaide as nobody else was going and it never occurred to me to go by myself. But now after your enticing letter I’m going to astound you and accept your very kind invitation. Since I have two weeks with nothing to do I know that an interstate trip would be very welcome having slaved over a hot drawing board for the last year. Just now everyone is flaked out on every piece of furniture they can find. Anyway I am absolutely overjoyed to be coming over and if it wasn’t for your letter I would have just given up hope. As long as you can put up with me I’m sure I’ll enjoy my stay very much.

Anyway, do write back and if the dates interfere with anything you are doing don’t hesitate to tell me. I will write again during the week to tell you the train times etc. As it stands now I will be leaving here on Sunday the 29th December and probably will get to Adelaide on the Tuesday. So write and let me know if everything is all right and I hope God Willing that I will see you in two weeks time, Love Norma.

19571223 Letter from Wendy Swain –

Dear Fay,

Thank you for the return card. No we are not on the phone at home and are not likely to be while the three of us older girls continue to dwell there. However, my phone no at work is LA3694 and I would be pleased to hear from you. How is your copying office progressing?

After I have had my holidays in February next year, I intend to look for another job as this one is getting me down – well not so much I suppose, but I would like to do better. If you hear of anything please let me know.

Well I am a busy girl e days before Xmas numbering only two, Cheerio with my very best wishes, Love

Wendy Swain.

17571220 Friday – It was hot again today, though a change is coming up. After the breakfast dishes had been put away, I went to my room and lay down for a while. Before long I was asleep and next thing I knew it was 12.30 and lunch time. Dad talked about the business at lunch time and told us to go into town to get my reference and also to see Mrs B Pride, the Principal of Chartres Business College. While I was having a shower, Mum rang some painter and he came around to have a look at Charlie’s room to quote on how much it would cost to paint it. He told us that we really didn’t need to paint the room because the color was quite all right. How weird. I think he didn’t want the job because it was only one room. Mum has decided to paint it herself.

19571225 Letter from Norma Bastock –

Dear Fay,

On Monday I shall have to book a ticket. I am coming by train by the way, as I don’t mind that sort of travel and I don’t happen to have 35 pounds for a plane fare just now. Daddy suggested that I go through Broken Hill instead of Melbourne as I’ve already been there three times and I know most of the country. I do hope that I’m not too much for your mother and that she doesn’t mind me there. I will be there two weeks excluding four days traveling. Of course I wouldn’t forget my bathers! I take them wherever I go. I just love swimming. I’ll probably want to try Adelaide’s beaches as soon as I get there. Are you having good weather now? Today we have been sweltering in about 104 degrees.

Love

Norma Bastock

19571229 Norma Bastock catching train to Adelaide to stay at our place

19571230 Peter Joseph came to visit at same time as Norma Bastock

19580109 Letter to Sister Etherington – Dear Sister Etherington. I received with a very unladylike shout of delight your parcel of Logos. Most of them were ones I didn’t have and I have been able to complete three volumes which previously were missing one or two numbers. Thank you very much for sending them. We have settled back into our old rut since our trip to Sydney. Things are quiet, uneventful and all the meetings have stopped for about 6 weeks. We can do with the rest. I’ve starting trying to get work for my proposed “copying office,” but it seems to be terribly, terribly hard to get. Still, no harm in trying I suppose. The weather is hot as hot here and I feel positively languid. Thank you once gain very very much for those Logos,

Love in Christ

Fay O’Connor

19580113 Letter to Peter Joseph – Norma Bastock has gone home. She was exactly as I expected her to be…not half as bad as everyone says she is. When Dad first saw her, with her long fingernails, her tight dress, pierced ears and witches hair…well, he wasn’t very impressed, in fact he was very unimpressed. But by the time she was to go home, however, he was asking her to stay another week. We all found her to be the most natural and easy-going girl we hve had at our place in a long time. I can understand why you thought her a bit stuck up though. With most people sh is rather aloof and with boys she is not keen on, she is very very cold. She can freeze ‘em up just beautifully. I’ll have to take a leaf out of her book and learn to lay on the ice a bit and then I won’t have so much boy trouble.

Just at the moment I’m not working again. For week or so I started canvassing for my “Copying Office,” but then finalising in today, lost my nerve. I don’t know what’s gone wrong but I can no longer just go up and talk to anyone as I used to do. When I’d pass a place that I had to go in and “sell” my business, last week, it would take me about 3 times past it before I’d get up the courage to go in. T hat, is most unlike me. It ‘s kind of got that way in everything lately. I used to love partis..now, I hate them. My tennis has gone off terrifically – at one stage, I could beat anyone my own age at Sunday School, now I don’t even trust myself at that. Yesterday we went to Silver Lake and they’ve got a diving board there and it took all my nerve to even go off of that, whereas a year or so ago I’d dive from any height. I think I’m going crazy. Anyway to cut a long story short, the Copying Office has gone west and next week I get a job. In the meantime my head throbs, my eyes ache and I’ve got the most beautiful black rings around them. In fact, I feel positively morbid.

Jeff spoke to me on Sunday, he wants me to start doing some typing for him again. He tells me that Uncle Perce has got some more of the Revelation notes done. (I did 35 pages of foolscap before I went to Sydney) for me to type and Jeff has got some notes on Zephahaniah for me to type. I’m going to be busy. Which thing reminds me that I must get some sleep. I’m awfully tired, but.

19580116 Letter to Fay from Jeff –

Dear Fay,

Greetings in the Hope of Israel.

Enclosed is expository notes of Colossians – the first 14 verses. Would appreciate if you would type stencils at a time convenient to you. Suggest that if there is not enough matter to completely fill last stencil that you leave it and hold over and include with succeeding notes. Check on continuity of page numbers. Bye the bye, are you claiming unemployment relief from the Dept of Labor and National Service? Perhaps you should! Will expect the notes when I get them and not before.

Yours fraternally,

Jeff.

19580129 Commenced work Associated Public relations, department of Macnamara Advertising.

19580204 Tuesday –

Well, it has certainly been a long time since I last entered up my diary!

Whenever things really start to happen to me I never seem to write them down. In fact nearly every blank in my diary means a period of “momentous” happenings in my young life.

Before my Sydney trip in December 1957 I went to Melbourne to hear the “Messiah,” sung by the Christadelphian Choral classes. I wrote a nine page summary for Keith Noble, a copy of which is in my letter file. This gives an outline of all I did, but does not really touch upon what was the most important part of that weekend.(19571116 Letter to Keith Noble- from the Federal Hotel Melbourne – see Chapter 42) I couldn’t get up the courage to think about it, let alone write about it, hence, another blank in my diary. Now that time has healed things a bit, I can at least write a summary of it all. Going over, I was to be with Jan and the Choral Class, while Jeff Berry, Lewis Osborne, Dawn Lawrey, Wendy Jolly and Phyl Matthews and John Knowles were in another carriage. Jeff suggested(after one of our “episodes” at, or should I say outside the hospital where we had both gone to see Keith) that I change places and tickets with Lewis – I would then be spending the night in the train with him. It sounded very attractive, but then I thought how Jan had looked forward to the trip and the chance of a long talk with me, so I scrapped that idea, with a few misgivings, of course. The night in the train went uneventfully, if rather enjoyably. When I woke up for the last time, I found myself staring into Jeff’s face – I wasn’t dreaming. They had opened the doors between the carriages. He made the usual smart comment and passed on. Later in the morning, I went up to the other carriage and talked to John and Phyl. Jeff returned and sat down beside me. In undertones, he began to describe the night to me. He first asked me why I hadn’t changed with Lew? I told him. He told me that Wendy had been next to him almost the whole night. She was still asking him questions on the Truth at one o ‘clock in the night. A drunk up the back was singing out “Nora,” and Wendy said “I’m glad you’re here!” Eventually he put a rug around her and tucked it in and then sat on the end so that she couldn’t move. I must admit that this tale amused me greatly, I’m afraid in a catty sort of way. Before the train had left, Jan told me that Wendy had said to her, “Fay O’Connnor’s staying at the Federal – she’s chasing Jeff Berry.” Naturally dear loyal Jan blew a valve and told Wendy her opinion of such backbiting. Wendy must have melted under the heat, it is so rarely that Jan is ever angry. I told Jeff what Wendy had said to Jan – he grinned at me and said “Well, aren’t you chasing me? “I told him I was most certainly not chasing him.”

There’s no need to give a detailed account of the weekend. It consisted of Fay apparently having a wonderful time with all the boys from interstate, but all the time, watching Jeff with Wendy trailing in the background. I felt sorry for her, but not exactly sympathetic with her blatant chasing of Jeff. Jeff couldn’t shake her off, not for a moment. I knew he was trying to get away from her but he didn’t have much hope. He tried it once in earnest to try to see me. It was after the dinner at the hall before the Messiah. It was raining and we were waiting to go to the Wilson Hall. I was with Lew and we were walking past one of the recesses in the wall when Jeff appeared and grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back into the recess. We stood there. I had my back to him and he had his arms around my waist. Lew goggled at us, grew red in the face and waited for me to move indignantly away. I stayed there with a smile on my face. Lew said, “All right Berry!” and Jeff said, “What’s wrong with you, Lew?” Wendy, John and Phyl were in the next recess. A car came and pulled up and Wendy moved to get in. Jeff moved out from behind me and hurried up to the car. He helped Wendy in, then helped some others in and then pretended to look a little disappointed, when there was no room for him.

Having thus done his duty in looking after Wendy, he turned to me and once more put his arms around my waist. We both waited for another car, while Lew got redder and redder. A car came. Lew said “Are you coming Fay?” I said “No, Lew.” He went livid, grabbed my arm and pulled. I began to get angry at him. Jeff seeing there would soon be trouble gave me a slight push and told me to go. I went but was I mad with Lew!” Lew, John Henry, Ken Morgan and Jan Randall and myself all went home in Ken’s car. We passed Jeff walking home with Wendy. Lew was still angry with me and I was still angry with him and we didn’t talk all the way. It was quite obvious that he intended to “give me a lecture” again, as usual. Lew suggested we go for a drive to St Kilda and I waited until they had all agreed and then I said that I’d like to be dropped off at the Hotel because I was tired.

Then came all the rigmarole that I wrote in my summary, walking around the Hotel, waiting for Ken and Carlene to finish at the door of our room Then I banged into John. Then Jeff and Wendy. I went back to my room. After a while the phone rang. It was Jeff. He was talking as if someone else was in the room – I asked him if John was there – he was. Jeff told me later he had rung my room twice and the second time he couldn’t speak freely. So much for that. Time passed and soon we were on our way home again. This time in the “dog -boxes” because there was a crowd on the train . This time the doors between the carriages were open – access to Jeff.

There seemed to be small dramas being worked out all over the train. That is, among the Young People. Judith Vinall was crying in the corridor because Alan Hawkins hadn’t gone with her during the weekend. Dawn Lawrey came up to me and begged me to take her seat and let her have mine. She didn’t was to be in the same carriage with Lew Osborne. If I had changed I would be with Jeff. I refused. Great fun, in the same carriage with Jeff when Lew was around? Not likely! Jeff of course waited until there was no-one with me and then grabbed me and kissed me. I was prepared this time. Instead of Jeff doing the scheming I had done it, Rather a change what? As soon as we had got on the train, I had made a quick search of the carriages and found one with only a man and his little girl in it. I slipped in and sat down and began a conversation with him. Eventually, I asked him if he would mind if I stayed in his carriage for the night. I wanted a bit of peace and quiet away from the other young people. He didn’t mind at all. I talked a lot to him, trying to get to know him quickly, or should I say trying to let him get to know me quickly so he would be comfortable to have me in his carriage. I told him a bit about the Young People, our religion etc. Then I asked him if he would mind if one of the boys came in too. He didn’t mind. I was so relieved.

I went out into the passage and found Jeff. When we were alone for a minute I told him I had found a carriage with only one man and his daughter and he was happy for us to share it for the trip home. Jeff quickly agreed to join me. I think he was rather surprised that it was me that had arranged it and not him. We both did the rounds of the various groups of young people and talked to everyone. We did it separately of course. Then I disappeared and went to the carriage and a little later, Jeff came in. One of the windows had clear not opaque glass and so we covered it with a rug so that no-one would be able to see us in there. Then Jeff and I were alone, finally, or more or less. I introduced him to the man and they talked for about an hour. Then at 10 o’clock, Jeff looked at his watch and suggested that we put the light out and try to get some sleep. We lifted the bench seat on our side of the carriage up onto the armrests and then Jeff helped me up on it. Only then did it occur to me that we wouldn’t just be sitting together all night, but we would be lying together.

My pulses started to race and I wondered what would happen if any of the young people happened to get curious and come in. I gulped! I guess if I ever told anyone that I spent the night in the carriage next to Jeff they’d be shocked even though Jeff didn’t touch me and I wouldn’t have let him if he had, but it would sound bad to someone else. But frankly, I didn’t care, because for me the night was wonderful. The other times I’ve been with Jeff and the kisses we share then, kind of faded into the background. It seemed different somehow I knew I had the whole night, not just a few rushed minutes. I felt sort of relaxed and so did he. After a while Jeff began to talk to me. He told me things about himself and his past, before he was a Christadelphian. Jeff rarely talks about himself but this night it just flowed out. Of course, I’m not at liberty to write down the things he told me, they were far too private and he talked about things I am sure he has never spoken about to anyone before. He began to cry and I was absolutely amazed. I’d never imagined that Jeff would cry. He’d say a few words and then sob for a while. There was nothing I could say to comfort him, it was best to just let him cry it out. I just hugged him with all my might. The tears were running down his cheek onto mine. I caught them on the tip of my tongue.

We talked for just about the whole night. Then at about 4 o’clock, we stopped and just relaxed. Jeff slept but I didn’t because I didn’t want a moment of the time to be wasted in sleep because I knew that this would probably be the last time we would be together, probably ever. Jeff has got it in his head that he’s no good for a girl and won’t have one until he can be sure that he can give her the life she should have not the kind he is used to. And me? How do I feel about that? Well, I’m not going to try talk him into anything. If Jeff ever really wants me he will have to ask me. I am never going to try to force him into anything. He’s attracted to me, but not enough to give up his present life and ambitions. It’s hard though. There have been times when I knew that if I talked hard enough and used a bit of persuasion I could have got him to go with me. But what would be the use? He’d always feel he had gone into it against his will and he’d leave soon enough and that would be more than I could bear.

At 6. Am Jeff woke again. I suggested that he go and have a wash and brighten up. We put the seat down and he left. I waited for a while and then went to have a wash as well. The man was awake but the little girl was still asleep. I thanked the man for letting us share the carriage and then removed my things form the room and deposited them back in my original seat. Jeff did the same. Well we had had the night together and no-one appeared to be the wiser. I did the rounds again and made an appearance everywhere. I found that Jeff was doing the same and how! He was in the thick of one of the carriages which was engaged in community singing – he looked very comfortable with Marg Wat son on his lap (you are a rat Jeff Berry!). I sat down next to him – on Lew’s lap. I was laughing,wryly, inside, because I knew that Jeff wanted everyone to think he was making passes at Marg so that they wouldn’t suspect about me. It worked pretty well, except for Lewis, of course, who knew better, and John Knowles for that matter. He was most curious as to where Jeff had spent the night. Jeff told me later that he had told John he was with me, casually, because it was no use trying to pretend to him because he is just too sharp.

I was sitting in one carriage later with Nancy King and Lewis. Lewis had his arm around Nancy. Jeff came in and sat next to me and Lew asked him, rather belligerently, where he was last last night. Jeff said, “Around.” Then Lewis asked me where I was last night, and I said “Around,” Then he glared at us both and said, “You were not! I looked in every carriage last night looking for you and I couldn’t find you. I said,”That was very inquisitive of you, Lewis, wasn’t it?” Then Jeff finished off all other conversation by putting his arm around me and pulling me close to him. Lew goggled and then bridled, Nancy stared, and then put her hand over her mouth to hide a delighted smile. Dear Nan, she thought things must be working out for me. She is one of the very few who know that I am keen on Jeff.

I wondered how long Jeff would keep his arm there. Marg Watson passed – still the arm was there. That of course was to let her know that just because she had been on his lap did not mean she was a prospective girlfriend. Elaine came by, his arm removed? I wondered why? I found out later when Jeff told me that Elaine and Ray had broken off and she was making in his direction, with the backing of John and Phyl (and I could tell, the acquiescence of Jeff Berry!) Well, that’s mainly what happened on the train trip home.

The next episode in the Jeff-Fay saga came two nights later. I went to the hospital to see Keith. When I went in, I knew Jeff would be there. I just knew! I gave Keith the copy of the “summary” of the weekend in Melbourne. Jeff of course said that he wanted to censor it first. He is speaking more freely in front of Keith, because he knows that his memory is bad and he forgets things quickly. Jeff read it, laughing every now and then at the seemingly detailed nature of my “summary,” and yet knowing that such innocent statements as “I spent the night peacefully in an almost empty carriage with a man and his little girl,” covered a lot of happenings.

Afterward we went outside. When we reached my bike, Jeff reached out and put his arm around me. I said, “Why did you come?” He grinned and said, “Because I knew you’d be here.” “You see, Monday you would have been too tired after the trip and Tuesday was the next free night.” For a while I thought that perhaps he was beginning to find that he couldn’t get along without me, but towards the end of the evening I began to realise that he’d keep having meetings with me, just as long as I’d let him, but he wouldn’t want any strings to be attached. Well, I finished it off that night, more or less, finally. The train trip and the feelings I had that he was interested in Elaine were enough to tell me that I had no future with Jeff. He was not to be trusted.

Some nights later I had to ring Jeff about the Colossian notes. This was just before my trip to Sydney Evidently his family weren’t home because he spoke most freely. He said at one stage, “How are your resolutions?” I asked “What resolutions?” He asked me if I was finding it hard to keep to my resolutions about not seeing him, because “I am finding it very hard to keep away from you,” he said. I told him very casually that I was finding no trouble at all in keeping to my resolutions, in fact I was finding it very easy.

Well, after that I saw him once before I went to Sydney. I had to go to a pamphlet distribution to give him the Revelation notes for Uncle Perce. His pride was evidently hurt at my casual acceptance of his absence. He made very sure that I went on the distribution with him – and Elaine Luke. He directed everyone to the cars they were to travel in. When we arrived at our destination, our numbers being uneven he told me I could go distributing by myself and he would go with Elaine. He said we were to meet at the Odeon Theatre at a quarter to nine. I was very angry at this. Apart from the fact that it is very dangerous for a girl to be walking around the streets at night by herself, it was very bad manners on his part anyway. He should have gone by himself and Elaine and I should have gone together.

I began walking up the side streets off of Goodwood Road putting brochures into the letter boxes. As I was walking along a car slowed down beside me. I looked inside the car and saw two men in the front. One of the man yelled out at me offering me a ride. I started to walk faster and then began to run. A man got out of the car and chased after me. I pelted up the street and then turned left onto Goodwood Road. I saw a lane way on the left and immediately recognised where I was, and took a sharp left turn into a laneway down the side of a Chemist shop that was there. I knew that behind the Chemist shop was the home of Margaret Evans, one of my brother Charlie’s old girlfriends from Unley High School. I hammered on the door and her father opened the door. I asked if Margaret was home. She wasn’t. He said she was touring England and the continent at the moment and in fact, he was showing some slides to Margaret’s family and friends right now, and would I like to come in and join them? I liked! I went in with him and spent the next half an hour watching Margaret’s slides. It took quite a while for my heart to stop thumping in my chest. Mr & Mrs Evans were very hospitable and plied me with tea and sandwiches and cake.

When I left it was a quarter to nine so I was on time to be at the Odeon theatre to be picked up after the distribution. Apparently everyone had finished their distribution early and so when they picked me up Elaine was crying. She said they had expected me to be finished at the same time as them and were worried about where I was. (Not worried enough to send Elaine with me and not with Jeff I thought blackly). Then they had driven around the streets trying to find me. Elaine said, “Where have you been?” I reminded them that the meeting time arranged had been a quarter to nine and it was just that time now. “We know,” Elaine replied, “but we’ve gone all around the streets for the last half hour looking for you. We were so worried. I didn’t care that they had been worried, in fact I HOPED they had been worried. They asked me where I had been and I told them at the back of the chemist shop watching some slides of England and the Continent. They both gaped at me. I explained that it was a friend’s home and the family were showing slides of my friend’s trip overseas. I didn’t state whether “my friend” was male or female. Jeff naturally presumed it would be male. I was white hot with anger and I simply didn’t care what any of them thought of me. What if that guy had caught me! What if there had been no place to run. Sometimes I hate you Jeff Berry!! We drove back to town and I rode home. I was so mad at Jeff. I knew that the reason behind him sending me distributing alone was to make me jealous of Elaine. Jeff will have to learn that I don’t “do” jealous. I happen to like Elaine and if he’s that petty, then I ‘m better off without him.

When I returned from Sydney, I had to ring Jeff about the Colossian notes. After talking about that, Jeff said, “I’ve been getting myself into a mess in your absence.” “You’re good at that aren’t you Jeff. I presume you’ve got yourself well and truly tangled up with Elaine, and now you want out and you want sympathy?” He told me that he had taken Elaine to the Messiah all due to the fact that he and Keith had intended to take a couple of Nurses for a dare, and Keith had backed out and Jeff was left with the tickets and Elaine said she’d like to go. (That’s odd, I thought that Keith had posted the tickets to the Nurses???) Jeff is incapable of saying that he wanted to take Elaine. He has to make it seem as though circumstances forced him to. He never seems to take responsibility for his choices and actions. The outcome of that outing was that he accompanied John, Phyl and Elaine over most of the Christmas outings. But now, he “wanted to finish it off with Elaine, because he wasn’t keen on her.” I told him that I was not interested in anything that he did and that as far as I was concerned, he could jump in the nearest river.