The Blacksmith’s Daughter by Fay Berry 2013 © - Chapter 48 - 1959 08 31 - Fay Berry

The Blacksmith’s Daughter – Chapter 48

Jeff and I were “going together” now, but things were still not really “settled” between us. Jeff was completely wrapped up in his Bible studies and was working closely with Perce Mansfield in the work that he was doing. He painted charts for HPM and worked with him on all manner of “things for the Truth.” I was in complete agreement with him that his studies and his “work in the Truth” were important, very important, and I helped him as much as I could by typing and researching, but I was young and active and longing to spend time with my boyfriend and summer was coming and Adelaide has beautiful beaches…. But time was not something Jeff was prepared to spend with me. The only time we seemed to get with each other was at meetings and classes. This also meant that we spent way too much time together late at night after those very meetings. It also meant that I spent much of that time trying to control Jeff’s amorous advances and this made me feel like a yo-yo, longing for closeness, yet forcing myself to resist the very things I longed for and with little help from Jeff. The emotional turmoil I felt during this period of my life was immense. It is no wonder that during this period of our “going together” I looked at life through a haze of mental and physical exhaustion.

I spent quite some time with Wendy Jolly over this period of my life. She was finding life difficult since her mother died and I did my best to help her in areas where she needed a mother. I remember Wendy telling me what it was like the days and weeks after her mother died. She would come rushing home from school and run inside bursting with information and it would take her a few moments to realise that there was no mother to tell it all to. Her Dad, Grantley Jolly was completely ill-equipped to cope with the needs of a young girl who had lost her mother and so Wendy had so many unanswered questions in her life. (I didn’t know then that Wendy was going to die herself so young, so I have always been glad that I had that little window of time in her company, giving her my limited “wisdom” to help ease her on her way in life). Wendy liked George Hawkins but he never showed any interest in her which was sad. Wendy was not a pretty girl, but she could have been. It was her teeth and mouth that somehow needed “fixing.” (What I have always noticed since those days is that her features are almost identical to Karen Simons (Weller, her cousin), but Karen’s mouth is “right” and that’s what made the difference between plain Wendy and beautiful Karen.)

George Hawkins came to live in Adelaide from Perth. He was a very good looking boy but just a little too short (as far as he was concerned). The girls didn’t mind but he had a complex about it. From a Christadelphian family he had left the meeting for some years and then returned but things didn’t go well for him in Perth so he came to Adelaide for a time. He became HPM’s shadow and like Jeff, he was always talking about “the weakness of the flesh” and like Jeff, he personified that “weakness” as the woman or women in his life. So unfair for us women! George and I had a number of conversations together where we shared our insecurities and our woes. I was feeling insecure with Jeff and wishing he would not throw me into the company of other boys as he tended to do if it was a choice between getting home early to bed or taking me home after a meeting or outing. I felt that he should value me more because it seemed to me that he showed no jealousy whatsoever and that increased my insecurity. My insecurity made me “needy” and when I rang Jeff up one night and he brushed me off because he didn’t want to waste his precious time speaking “sweet nothings” in my ear, I became terrified that I would lose him because of my neediness. Before I began going with Jeff I had been so confident in myself. I generally had an outgoing and friendly nature and attracted people to me. Now I felt insecure and inadequate and very confused.

And it was summer!! The beach called me and I answered its call. The beach was so different in those days. People didn’t seem to stay home as much. There were not as many cars, few people had air conditioners. It was only a short time ago that the Ice Man used to come around from door to door selling ice for our ice boxes. On hot summer days, everyone went to the beach. You could expect to go to the beach and find all your friends there. You didn’t have to organise to see them, you just turned up. I answered the call of the beach and I met Jeff’s brother Robbie there and all the lifesavers and the cricket team and the multitude of “sun lovers” that were there on those halcyon days. I flirted and I teased and I had a great deal of fun. I wore my bright red bathers, confident in my trim figure and tanned body, and for a period of time my confidence soared. I couldn’t do it as me though, instead I became “Rhonda Bowen” for the day, but even today (2014) I remember those days with a lift of my spirits. I can taste, smell and feel the brightness of that summer day at Kirkcaldy beach.

It was at John and Phyl Knowles kitchen evening that I wore the dress mum had made me. It was a simple style but it was made out of deep blue satin and it shimmered when I walked. I wore a diamente tiara in my hair (they used to wear them in those days). I had had my hair “set” and the overall effect was not “me” it was “fashion plate-ish” and soon after I arrived at the hall I began to feel uncomfortable, out of place. When Gerald Nitsche gave me a wolf-whistle, that was enough for me. I got Dad to drive me home and I changed into my more conservative green velvet. I wore the blue satin only one more time and that was at the work Xmas party.

The Special effort at Port Elliott was like an oasis in the desert for me. It was a wonderful weekend and Jeff spent sufficient time with me to make me feel wanted and cared for and Jeff being on the committee meant that we didn’t have to obey all the “rules” of the weekend and so got even more time together than was normal at one of these weekends. I was caught up in the excitement of the weekend with its talks and I was so proud of Jeff for the work he was doing. John Martin was on a high as well and so proud of “his boys” for the effort they put in.

But things didn’t get better, they got worse. Jeff continued to put his studies before time spent with me. I felt neglected. Not only that but Jeff had become very critical of me. I can remember one day he took me home to his parents house when they were not home to use their back lawn to paint a chart for HPM. Jeff asked me to go into his mother ‘s kitchen and make him a sandwich, “And,” he said, “For goodness sake don’t spill the milk on the sandwich.” Well, I spilled the milk on the sandwich!! Another time I was trying to write some notes on a blackboard for Jeff and the chalk broke and he said, “Fay, you are such a mucker.” Then we went to buy an engagement ring and he complained, saying “What a weariness it all was.”

So that was it for me! I wrote him a letter telling him that I was breaking up from him, but I couldn’t even do that right. I posted the letter to J Berry, 9 Layton Street, Fulham. That was not only Jeff’s address, it was his father’s address and his father, Jim Berry, opened the letter. He read it and handed it on to Jeff who was mortified at the fact that his father had read it. So, we broke up, and probably, that is the way it should have stayed, who knows?

DIARY ENTRIES.

19590831 Monday – Monday evening was to be about my only free night this week, but my plans went astray. Wendy Jolly rang me up in a bit of a stew (of all things for Wendy) with man trouble. I asked her about it but as I had to work I invited her to come to my place this evening to talk it out. I did dressmaking for some time this evening and then did some typing for Jeff. Wendy arrived at about 8.30 and we talked until 10.30

Wendy is certainly a late developer. She’s going through a stage in her life that I am sure I went through about 4 years ago and so I felt I might be qualified to advise her. Wendy is not pretty, but she’s not ugly either, and she is very solid in the truth, so she has quite a lot going going for her, and after she has her teeth “fixed” she should be even more “presentable.” She’s also not quite so bossy as she has been in the past. Since her mother died, I think Wendy’s had a pretty bad time and it’s had a humbling effect on her, and she’s much nicer for it.

I think shes more keen on George Hawkins than she likes to admit. She probably hasn’t a hope, but she’s got more of a chance than any of the other girls that are making a play for George at present because she is solid in the truth. It has turned out that George wasn’t interested in Carol Mercer in the end even though she is so pretty. She is also the right height height for him (which would mean a lot to George because he’s a bit short). Carol seemed to have everything, but in the end I don’t think she was sufficiently interested in the Truth for George because this factor was more important to him than a girl’s looks. Wendy hasn’t got Carol’s good looks but she does have other essential requirements that George is looking for. Well, we shall see. Wendy will probably surprise everybody and take off with the catch of the season. I hope she does.

19590904 Friday – Jeff rang me earlier today and told me I was to come to the public library and bring a pad and pencil, to take down a list of games in shorthand. At the time I said, “Yes,” but afterward I decided I would rather not go. According to my schedule for study for the Sunday School Exam I have to finish lesson 16 and 17a tonight, which I won’t be able to do if I go out, and anyway, I’ve been going out every night this week. Besides, I often wonder whether Jeff wants to marry me because he loves me or because I happen to be good at shorthand and typing? I rang up Mrs Scheer, the woman he’s boarding with and told her to tell him I was sorry but I would be unable to come tonight. I then asked her how her star boarder was getting on and she just about drooled into the phone, “Oh, he’s simply lovely,” and in those strains she raved on for about five minutes. She then said that as far as she was concerned he could stay with her until he gets married.

Jeff rang again about 5.00. The first thing he said was, “It had better be good.” “What had better be good?” I asked. “Your excuse,” he replied. I told him my reasons, how my timetable wouldn’t allow it. He then proceeded to rearrange my timetable, making Saturday afternoon the time for me to do my study – seeing he was too busy to see me on Saturday! This whole thing seems to be a bit one-sided to me. Finally he used the fact that he hadn’t seen me since Tuesday to persuade me to come, “but of course, if I didn’t want to see him……?” Well, to cut a long story short, I’m going, plus pad pencil. Sigh! I am so tired.

I must be crazy getting the idea that Jeff likes my shorthand and typing better than he likes me. It was only an excuse to see me tonight. For all the work I did, I could just have well stayed home, but Jeff just couldn’t face that cold dank library on his own – and “Besides,” he said, “I haven’t seen you since last Tuesday. We left the library and sat in Hindmarsh Square or ages. I love him.

19590912 Saturday – Saturday again, and Jeff is home “studying.” I caught a bus to Kirkcaldy at about 12.00 noon and arrived at Grange about 1.00 pm. I changed into my bathers and walked onto the beach toward Tennyson – intending to go to HPM’s place to get the Hebrews notes that Jeff wanted. There were about five boys from the cricket team throwing a cricket ball on the beach. They were tall, Greek-Goddish types, not the same boys that had driven me home last time. I walked past them down to the water’s edge. A couple of minutes later after I had walked a fair way to Perce’s place, the cricket ball came whizzing past me, hotly pursued by one of the boys. This continued for quite a while as they followed me along the beach. At last, I did what they had intended me to do, picked up the ball and threw it back to them. It wasn’t long before they had introduced themselves and asked my name. I didn’t want to tell them my name, so once again I said that my name was Rhonda! They were members of the Woodville Cricket team and they were training.

I left them after a while and went on to Perce’s place, but the notes weren’t ready, so I returned along the beach. It wasn’t long before the boys came pelting up behind me again and we all strolled back towards Kirkcaldy together, tossing the ball from one to the other. They asked me if I played cricket, because they wondered how come I could throw a ball so well, “Like a boy,” they said. “Like a softball player I said.” I told them that I played softball and had been captain of my hight school team in 1955. I didn’t tell them what school.

When we arrived back at Grange, the lifesavers were all out on their skid boards. Robbie turned and stared at me and my companions, obviously wondering who they were and how I happened to be with them. We continued throwing the ball until I decided I had had enough. Then they all went to lie down on the sand to sun bake. They invited me to join them. As I had no intention of remaining with them all the afternoon, as I had other things in mind, I just placed my towel by theirs, but left my clothes and bag where they were. Then I excused myself and walked down to where the lifesavers were.

Robbie called out to me and asked me if I would like to try the skid board. I liked. They’re not as easy to use as they look, but I managed to stay on eventually more or less, anyway. I had my dark glasses off for the fist time when I used the board and I saw Robbie taking a good look, trying to see if he recognised me or not. He didn’t, thank goodness. He had seen me and even talked to me at Jeff’s 21st birthday but I obviously hadn’t registered with him then. He wouldn’t have been interested in any of Jeff’s “religious” friends, I feel sure.

I left Robbie and went back to the cricketers. They told me that one of the life savers had been questioning them about me, wanting to know my name and address, phone number and other salient details. Of course, they didn’t know them either, so that was all right. Then they began asking me questions all of which I neatly avoided. It wasn’t hard either, because I had been thinking for the past week how to answer Robbie’s possible questions, so I had all my answers ready. I had a few more goes on the skid boards, but at about 4.00 pm I decided it was time to go home if I was to be home when Jeff arrived.

I stood up, thanked the boys for their company and told them I was going home. I saw that Robbie was dressed and he also saw that I was going to get changed. I went into the shed and changed and as I came out and made to walk away, Robbie called out to me and then came over to talk. As he came to the bottom of the steps, he said, “I don’t know you do I?” “No, you don’t Robbie, but I do know you,” I replied. “Where have we met?” He asked. “At a party,” I replied, “I go to a lot of parties,” he said. He asked me my name, but I told him I couldn’t tell him because he would most probably know it. I laughed and told him I had my reasons for not telling him, and then I said “Goodbye.” He said he hoped he would see “my nice figure, bright red bathers and smiling face around these parts again.”

I walked away then and left the poor boy terribly curious and slightly thwarted. As I walked towards the bus, a car pulled up with two of the life savers in it. They asked me where I was going and would I like a lift. I thought for a moment and decided that having gone thus far, a little further wouldn’t matter. I got in and they drove me to the city. They asked me questions all the way, “Did I know any of Robbie’s girl friends, etc. etc.” And to all of them I replied “No.” They asked me did I know where he worked? I told them he worked at John Martins as a window dresser. That he used to live at Fulham Gardens but now lives at 723 Esplanade Tennyson. They were absolutely puzzled and curious. They dropped me in town, saying that they hoped to see more of me.

Then I went home. Jeff hadn’t arrived when I got home, so I went down to the bus stop to wait. He caught a taxi though and had to walk down to the bus stop to meet me. He looks so tired these days. We went to Cumberland Young Folks, Robin and Peter Mansfield were speaking. They did well. We caught a taxi home. It was a late night and Jeff wouldn’t let me go to bed for ages. I love him, but I am so tired.

19590919 Saturday – Today I woke up feeling awful. I rang up Jeff and told him that I didn’t feel up to riding to West Beach to get the notes, nor to paying the Painters, and also I didn’t feel like going around the travel bureau’s looking for posters for John and Phyl’s kitchen evening. He said that would be all right so I stayed in bed. I had left some things at work which I had to get though so about 1.00 I got dressed and rode to work to get them. The place was locked up and I couldn’t find the cleaners so I left them and went for what I intended to be a short ride. I stopped in the Parklands for a while and sat down under a tree. I then resumed my ride.

Well, gradually, with a tail wind behind me, I got nearer and nearer to Henley. Having gone thus far, it wasn’t long before I arrived at Grange. I went for a walk along the jetty. The lifesavers were out on their skid boards, but I couldn’t see Robbie. I then went for a walk along the beach. One of the lifesavers named Jeff (good name) waved to me and came up. We talked for a while and then we decided to have a game of beach tennis. He played fairly well, but I could have wiped him off the court, but remembering that it is not good manners for a girl to lick a boy, I satisfied myself by beating him 6-3. As we walked back up the beach towards the lifesaving shed, he asked me if I would go out with him that night. I thanked him kindly and declined. He asked me numerous questions – the usual – who I was, where I lived, where I worked. All of which I parried. Then I turned the conversation to Robbie and during the conversation I learned that Robbie was “done with women,” since the girl he had been going with (the one from Sydney) had informed him that she was getting engaged to another boy.

I left then and came home. I had a head wind on the way back and that coupled with the fact that I had a gorgeous headache and sick feeling made me long to get a taxi truck home. I stuck it out though, but was I glad to get to bed. Jeff arrived just after. He was very tired, so he didn’t do any study.

19590924 Thursday – It was John Knowles and Phyllis Matthews Kitchen Evening last night and Jeff was MC. Consequently I was without a boyfriend for the night.

My hair is getting long and untidy and after Jeff had finished mucking it up last night it looked a bit of a fright. Anyway, I didn’t have time to wash it and fix it up, so I had it set in my lunch hour. I wouldn’t let the woman cut it except the bit in the front and all the time she was moaning because she wanted to get to work on it with the scissors and cut it in one of the latest styles. I didn’t let her. Anyway, my hair didn’t look too bad when she had finished but it didn’t look like me. I was going to wear my green velvet dress, but Mum told me to wear my blue satin one which I have never worn because I thought it made me look too “slinky.” It is a simple enough style, round neck with pleats around the neckline, fitted waist and bell skirt, but it was the satin that made it look “slinky.” Anyway, against my better judgment I wore it. Plus a diamente necklace and head band. The result? A cross between Marilyn Monroe and Sabrina. I wanted to change but Dad was starting to champ at the bit, so I went as I was.

Well, as soon as I walked into the place, I could see everyone looking at me. I began to feel awful and without Jeff for moral support I felt really lousy. I tried not to look too much like a frozen-faced fashion plate, but when Gerald Nitsche raised his eyebrows and wolf whistled at me, I knew that my dress was giving an entirely wrong impression. I found Dad and asked him to take me home so I could change. He drove me home and I quickly dressed in my green velvet dress and drove back to the hall again. I was so glad when the whole thing was over. I will only ever wear that frock one time and that will be at the Christmas dinner at work, it would certainly be very suitable for that! and then I’ll sell it, burn it, throw it away or something. Ughh!

Now if I had been Ann Stievens at work I would have been in my element knowing that I stood out as I did.

19591003 Saturday – Young Folk’s special effort at Port Elliott – This weekend has been the most wonderful weekend I have spent for a long time. The Winter Sports Club has been arranging it for months and as far as I am concerned, it far surpassed the Melbourne Youth Conference.

Graham took me to the Temple in the car and for once I was early. The buses arrived in due course and the first bus was soon filled with the younger group who were as excited as they could be. The older, staider ones (me included – Ahem) filled up the second bus and I saved two seats for Jeff and me. Phyl Matthews is having pre-wedding troubles and she stood by John’s car looking miserable. I tried to cheer her up a bit – she evidently hadn’t wanted to come on the trip because she had so much to do before her wedding. She’s exhausted and beginning to doubt that she really wants to be married. She’ll be all right if she gets some sleep in the coming week. I assured her that Jeff and I would change places with her and John if it was possible.

Soon we were off. I began to do my knitting and Jeff got into an animated discussion with Max Kennett about certain aspects of the coming weekend. When that was over he turned his attention to me. He tried to study Hebrews for a while but without much success as the bus was bumping too much. He gave that up and then to my surprise and pleasure he put his feet over the arm of the seat and put his head in my lap and snuggled up. When everyone noticed it they all started to rubbish us. I told Ken Stewart that he was only jealous, and he informed me that he was. Well, for me, from that moment the weekend was wonderful. It was so obvious to me and to others that Jeff was in love with me and that as far as he was concerned no other girl existed. For so long he has been so shy and backward in showing the slightest hint off affection for me in public that people have wondered if we were actually “going together.” I had been more than a little hurt at seeming indifference. Anyway, that has nothing to do with THIS weekend.

When we arrived at Port Elliott, Jeff was looking kind of tired, dazed and befuddled. He had found the position most comfortable and had almost gone to sleep, and me, I was beaming my silly head off. We were shown to our rooms in the Amerta and after we had unpacked, we went down to the shop to buy some lunch. This took a long time in coming as the assistant in the shop was obviously not accustomed to such a crowd of people all at once. Jeff had to go to Victor Harbor in the afternoon on Conference business, so for the pamphlet distribution I was paired with Colin Provis and Anne Skipper was also with us to learn the procedure. We had to start at Hill street, Victor Harbor, so we were taken by bus and dropped at Hill Street. I suggested that Colin and Anne Skipper go together and that I go by myself on the other side of the street to get through our quota of invitations more quickly. At about the fifth house I went to, I had a bit off success. The lady of the house was a Congregationalist and we had quite a good discussion which lasted about 2 hours. She said she would like to come to the lecture and I told her that I would make arrangements for her to be picked up and taken to the lecture and home after it.

By the time I left her house and delivered my quota of leaflets, Colin and Anne were long gone, so I went for a walk over the causeway between Granite Island and the mainland while I was waiting for the buses to return. I met Jan Pitcher and Peter Clothier about half way over and I strolled back with them. I sat next to Clem Wigzell on the way back and he and I discussed our afternoon’s experiences. The dinner was quite good and Jeff was in high spirits. He clowned around and we had an enjoyable meal. After dinner I changed and then Jeff and I walked arm in arm to the Hall for the fraternal evening. The evening was held in the Congregational Hall, the walls of which were covered with pictures of the Madonna and the “bleeding heart” and such. Ugh!

Just after the evening’s meeting had started, Jeff remembered that Jan Joseph and Joyce Rosser from Sydney would be arriving and wouldn’t know where to come, so he went back to the guest home to meet them. In the meantime the meeting proceed rather well and I enjoyed it, except that I kept wondering whether Jan and Joyce had missed the bus, because the arragements I had made for them were a bit precarious. If the plane had been late the bus would not wait at South road for them. The evening was almost overs before they walked in with Jeff. I looked up and caught Jeff’s eye. He smiled at me mischievously and sat down with the girls. I poked my tongue out at him and all the boys who had been watching me at the back started to chuckle and make faces at me. They all thought it rather funny. I did not!

After the meeting I introduced Jan and Joyce to the Young People. Jeff told me that he would be delivering pamphlets to the picture theatre crowd and that he wouldn’t be able to see me until tomorrow morning. I made a face at him, but told him that would be all right. About a quarter of an hour later he told me to grab Joyce and Janice and he’d drive us back to the guest house in Max Goodwin’ car. I hopped in the front and the two girls sat in the back and we drove off. A couple of minutes later, Ken Pascoe flagged us down for a ride. I introduced him to the girls. That wasn’t bad work on his part, because when we left to go to the car he was standing out the front of the hall and he must have gone like mad to get to where he could be picked up for a ride. Hmmm. Seems Jan and Joyce might be a bit of an attraction to the boys.

We dropped Jan and Joyce at the Arcadia and Ken at the Amerta and then Jeff told me I could come to the picture theatre too. We drove back and parked. It was good to be alone with him again. Then Alan Dangerfield and John Knowles and Phyl Matthews arrived and told us that as the show wouldn’t finish until 11.20 we might as well go back to the guest house and come back again later. They began to walk back and Jeff dawdled over shutting the car so that we were left behind. Then he told me that he had found a place where it was nice and dry and sheltered where there was a bench shaded by trees where we could spend the next half hour. We walked back slowly letting the distance grow between us and Alan and the others. Then Jeff showed me his hideaway. It was on the veranda of an old Manse which was up for sale. The veranda was shaded by trees and it would be unlikely that anyone would see us as they went by. We went in the gate and Jeff wiped the dust off the seat and we sat down.

We just sat and looked at each other for a while. It was wonderful to be alone. Then we snuggled up and the next half hour slipped by peacefully. While we were sitting there, two of the Cumberland boys, Barrie Riddle and his friend walked by and took the turning down to the beach. We sat quietly so they wouldn’t see us. We knew Alan Dangerfield wouldn’t be too pleased with those two for disappearing off. They’re slightly rebellious lads at the present. It was not quite 11.00 when we left the veranda. We slipped out of the garden onto the footpath. Jeff put his arm around me and we walked back towards the Theatre. Next minute Alan Dangerfield passed us in the car. We had missed being seen coming out of the gate by the skin of our teeth. Alan said nothing when we arrived back at the theatre so we presumed he had thought we had gone back to the guest house and had just been walking back again when he passed us.

I sat in the car with Phyl while the boys gave out the pamphlets. Phyl is terribly miserable. She told me that all she and John can do now is fight and that she can’t think of one good reason why she’s should marry him. I just laughed and told her that she was overtired and so was John. I told her to get as many early nights next week as possible, so that she can be fresh for her wedding, otherwise she would regret it for the rest of her life. I told her that she was just suffering the usual pre-wedding nerves and I listed the blessings she has received. A home even before they are married. I told her that Jeff and I would be happy to change places with them. She told me that the way she’s feeling, she’d be happy to change places. I asked her if she really meant that. She paused, sighed, and said that she wouldn’t really want that, and that perhaps she would be all right if she could get some sleep. Anyway, she seemed a little happier and even managed to smile at John when he came up a little later.

After the crowd had gone, we went into the theatre to see what it would be like for the meeting tomorrow. Phyl and I sat up the back while the boys tried the sound effects. We found a newspaper on the floor and read the funnies to pass time time. While we were sitting there, we overheard a conversation between two old women. The first one said, “…of course, they don’t believe in the immortal soul or heaven.” “Don’t they?” said No 2. “No they don’t,” said No 1, “But I say it doesn’t matter what they believe, as long as they’ve got goodness in their hearts, and if you’d seen them as I saw them today, walking down the street, they were, with their Bibles in their hands, I tell you, they’ve got goodness in their hearts. I’m going to come here tomorrow night at 7.00 are you?” she asked. “Well I…well, yes I will.” Said the other one as she walked out the hall and that was the last we heard. Phyl and I looked at each other and then burst out laughing. “They’ve got goodness in their ‘earts! “Said Phyl. John and Phyl went on a patrol of the beach with Alan Cheek to see that none of the kids were getting up to mischief and Jeff and I walked back to the guest house. It was lovely walking. It w as quite warm and yet it was raining ever so slightly – not enough to get wet and yet enough to make our faces feel damp. When Jeff kissed me, his lips were moist and his cheeks were cool. Over his shoulder I could see the mist-like rain shining in the light of a street lamp. The peace was shattered by a wolf -whistle coming from one of the upstairs rooms in the Amerta. And in no time girls were hanging out of the window trying to see who it was that was breaking the 11.30 lights out rule. Jeff and I put our heads down so they couldn’t see who we were and ran into the shadow of the doorway. We said “Goodnight” there and then I ran up the stairs to my room. I was met at the top by a crowd of girls who all chorused as they saw me “We might have guessed…what’s your excuse, etc.” I laughed and went to my room and changed and hopped into bed. Just in time. Sister Phyl Dangerfield walked in to see if we were all in bed. Mary Cobbledick my roommate was not only in bed, she was asleep!

19591004 Sunday – I didn’t sleep very well at all last night. I was too excited and kept dreaming about Jeff. Also I didn’t have enough blankets on and I was tired and too lazy to do anything about it. In the morning I felt like the wreck of the Hesperus and I was longing for a hot shower. However, there was NO HOT WATER. I began to feel quite at home, almost as though it was the Marysville conference again. Brrrrrr! I went down stairs and knocked on the door of Jeff’s room I went in and found Jeff making notes for his lecture this afternoon. Propriety made us keep the door open, so we could only snatch a kiss when no-one was watching. I went to the Arcadia and woke Jan and Joyce up and stayed with them while they dressed. Ron Hicks and Gerald Nitsche shared a double bed last night and Jeff had the single. Strangely enough Ron seemed as though he had got the worst of it – all the blankets were on Gerald’s side of the bed. At 8.00 am we gathered in the hall and did the readings.

At breakfast we heard all the gossip about the escapades of last night. Some of the younger boys played up a bit – threw a bucket of water through the window of the hut, drenching Ian MacLean and flooding the room. Someone turned the hose on Anne and Judy Mansfield as they walked along the veranda. Jeff was still trying to keep them in order at 1.30 in the morning. Still nothing really tragic happened so it was all passed over. After breakfast we had about an hour or more to ourselves but as Jeff hadn’t finished his lecture, Ron Hicks and Bob O’Toole grabbed an arm each and took me for a stroll down to the beach. On the way we gathered a few of the others and walked together across the rocks, watching the breakers come crashing in. There was quite a wind blowing and I felt like standing on my hands or something. Out of consideration for the others, however, I restrained myself. After about half an hour I began to miss Jeff, so I ran back to the guest house and sat on the edge of his bed while he was writing his lecture.

Then I went to have a bath and get ready for the meeting. I filled the bath right up to the brim and just lay there and soaked. Oh it was lovely! Trouble is I couldn’t get the plug out when I had finished. So I vanished quickly so that they wouldn’t know who had used so much water, AND left the plug in! We left rather late for the meeting and met up with Jan Joseph and Joyce Rosser and walked with them. The meditation period had started when we arrived. We sat next to Marg MacLean and Enid O’Toole. Des Manser gave the exhortation and all his weeks’ of work and mulling over his thoughts were certainly worthwhile. It was really terrific. It was about David and the re-establishment of the glory in Jerusalem and the anti-typical ark etc. Of course, John Martin, Adelaide‘s Senior Sunday School teacher was thrilled to bits. He’s put a lot of work into his class.

After the meeting I noticed Bro and Sis Manser had been at the meeting and I asked them if they could drive me to Victor this evening to pick up the woman I contacted yesterday. They agreed to do so, but as I went out the door, I noticed that Brother Keith Martin was there and I thought it would be better if he could pick her up since he lives near Victor. He said he would happily pick her up, so I told Bro and Sis Manser that they would no longer have to do it. After quite a bit of talking we went back to the Amerta. While Jeff continued with his lecture, I went into the lounge and listened to some records. The gong went (correction – bell) and everyone streamed in to lunch. Ian MacLean saved seats for us, which was fortunate, since we were late in.

We sat next to Don McColl and across from Judy Mansfield and Anne Mansfield and Marie Brumby. We began to talk about the merits of exams and in the process the discussion turned to Woodville’s exam. Don made a caustic remark about Robin and Clem’s behavior during the exam and Anne commented that ever since Robin had returned from Sydney he had never been the same as he was before he was there. I said that in a way it was an improvement because he had been too shy before. “Do you reckon?” said Anne, “I think he’s changed for the worse.” She felt that Robin had got a taste of popularity in Sydney and was now lothe to give it up and go back to being the “Robin she used to know.” She thought that his behavior was now “downright stupid” I said, “Anne” when he comes back to earth, it will all even out and he’ll strike a happy medium, just leave him be and stop being his bossy cousin.” Judy Mansfield’s eye has got an infection in it and it is all swollen up. I gave her some drops to put in it. Don’t know whether it has done much good or not. After lunch Jeff continued on with his lecture and I sat and waited. Bob O’Toole commented: “You’ll spend the rest of your life waiting for him.” (And I did, 2014) “I know,” I said ruefully, but I didn’t feel rueful. It’s true, but it has its compensations. You can’t marry someone “strong in the truth” like I used to pray for for years, without that person doing the study and work which makes him “strong in the truth.” We were the last ones to go down to the beach for the outdoor meeting. Once again we met up with Jan Joseph and Joyce, and they shared my rug.

Jack Mercer had set up all his gear on the back of a truck. Bob O’Toole played the organ and the three speakers, Peter Weller, Jeff Berry and Jim Luke sat on chairs set up on the truck. Alan Cheek was chairman and Phyl and I (she also shared my rug) were both quite impressed with the job he did. Peter spoke to the subject “The story of Eden, True or false?” and did a great job too. It was obvious that he had been studying a lot for his talk. Quite a few people began to gather to listen and the sound must have carried very well, because a number of people gathered on the hillside a long way away and could obviously hear it even from that distance. John Martin was so proud, he could hardly keep still. He kept moving around, taking photos of his prodigies – he just couldn’t seem to keep still. His subject was “Why did Christ die?’ Jeff spoke next. I was so nervous I couldn’t look at him at first but eventually I plucked up courage and raised my eyes and promptly fell in love with him all over again. He did a magnificent job. His voice is a little too high pitched though. He will have to work on that, but when the initial nervousness wore off his voice settled down into a more pleasant tone. I began to feel more and more proud. When Phyllis turned to me and said, “O Fay, he’s terrific.” I almost burst with pride.

Jim Luke was next and he did a good job too. In fact the whole afternoon’s work was a credit to the Young People, to the work they had all obviously put into it. After the meeting I joined Jeff who was talking with Peter Weller and John Martin etc. John was congratulating them and was obviously pleased with the afternoon. Jeff and I walked with Des Manser and Wendy up the path along the cliff back towards the guest house. As we turned a curve in the path, we saw Peter Weller and Shirley Cobbledick sitting on their rug by the edge of the path, gazing down at the breakers crashing over the rocks. They invited us to join them. Des and Wendy continued on but Jeff and I put our rug next to theirs and sat down with them. It was exhilarating. Slightly cool, though not cold, and wonderfully peaceful. “Wouldn’t it be “luverly,” said Jeff, “to be in nice cosy chairs, drawn up to a huge window, looking out over a stormy sea, watching the lightning and listening to the thunder – knowing that outside the storm is fierce yet, inside, it is warm and snug.” I looked out over the sea and imagined it – and made one little addition in my mind, that it would be wonderful if I were the one in the other chair, or the same chair.

We stayed there a few minutes longer and then we strolled along the path back to the guest home. I went upstairs to change my shoes and to pack and when I had finished I came down to Jeff’s room again. He hadn’t quite finished packing. When he had, I got Clem Wigzell to help me carry our cases to the buses where they were being loaded on. Then Jeff and I strolled back down the steps to the cliffs and found a wooden bench overlooking the sea. We sat down and I nestled in close. I concentrated all my attention on memorising the scene and everything about it. This has been one of the most wonderful weekends I can remember, and it’s one I don’t want to forget. Regretfully we left the bench at last and began to slowly make our way back up the steps to the street.

19591101 Mum’s birthday

19591104 Jeff’s Birthday – I gave Jeff a copy of the Septuagint with a card which read – To Jeff, With love in Christ and best wishes for your birthday, from Fay.

May Yahweh bless and keep you, through the renewing of your mind with the Word, daily read and absorbed, and through unceasing prayer to Him who is able to give you wisdom unto life eternal.

19591107 Letter to Jeff from Fay – Last night when I was at John and Phyl’s home, I decided that I can’t marry you Jeff. Before I go any further, I want you to understand that I love you, but there is more to it than that. The main thing I have had to consider is the effect we have upon each other in the Truth. It is the Truth that counts Jeff above everything else.

Last Sunday week when we went to Arthur Edgecombe’s place for supper Phyl spoke freely and confidently, while I sat silently most of the time. This last Sunday, Phyl commented upon my silence on that occasion. She told me that I had changed since I have been going with you. She said that a year or so ago I would have been right into the discussion. She wanted to know what was wrong and why I am so subdued these days.

Well, Jeff, this is why. Phyllis spoke freely because she was confident that John was behind her all the way. She knew that he loved and respected her and had faith in her. I was quiet because I was not confident that you were behind me, supporting me, loving me. I was not sure of your faith or respect.

From morning till night, Jeff, you belittle me, scorn my efforts, reproach me for even small things – like breaking the chalk when I was trying to help you at Woodville Sunday School. You looked at me in pained disgust and resignation that I was a “mucker.” I wilted and went just one step further into despair.

You talked about charts and how it would be a help if I could paint so that I could work with you, but then you went on to say that it would be quicker to do the charts yourself than to spend time teaching me and far less bother.

Saturday morning, the morning when I should have been very happy, when we went to choose a ring, you begrudged the time as wasted, time you could have spent studying. Every moment you spend with me you regard as indulging weakness. When John and Phyl were looking for a ring, no trouble was too much for John. John rang up jewelers making appointments, he rang them again asking when the ring would be ready – he couldn’t wait to put it on Phyl’s finger.

The Bible says, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband does safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil.” “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” You don’t regard me this way, you regard me as your “weakness.”

When we walked to Scheers on Sunday you told me what a weariness it was to drag yourself to my home at weekends to be with me. How you would much rather stay at home and study. I thought then of Christ who died for his bride. I don’t know what you are looking for in a girl, Jeff, I once thought I could fill your need.

For my physical and spiritual health’s sake, Jeff and yours, I am breaking it off.

I want to stand back and carefully consider my future Jeff and regain some of the self-respect and confidence that I have lost in going with you.

On Tuesday night Jeff, I won’t sit with you, nor on Sunday. At Christmas I have decided to go to West Beach with the girls – Mary Eakins has asked me to go.

I’m sorry about this Jeff, but I did try to make it work, I honestly did.

May God bless and keep you Jeff.

Your sister in Christ, Fay.