20180509 – Wednesday – Bible Class

20180509 – Wednesday – Bible Class

Yesterday I went to the doctor again. I turned up at 1.00 pm yesterday only to find that I had got the dates wrong and my appointment was for Tuesday not Wednesday.

To my dismay, the doctor told me that I still had to take the eye test, that the records from my eye specialist were not sufficient. I looked over at the eye chart on the wall and could see that I had got myself into such a state that my eyes were all blurry. 

The doctor saw me looking and said that because of my “uncontrolled” diabetes, my eyesight would be variable. He said that I needed to rest and relax and not get stressed.

Well, I knew that was a tall order for me. I asked what I could do, and he said, if you have stresses in your life right now, get rid of them and go and take a brake, have a holiday.

It was about 2.30 by this time, so I drove home and decided that I would go somewhere quiet and peaceful in my new trailer, where no people were, and just relax.

So I searched wiki camps for a suitable place where there were lots of trees and plenty of space so I could park away from people.

I found somewhere suitable and paid the fee up until next Monday. He also told me I had a urinary tract infection. Great!  

I packed up all my gear and by that time was so exhausted and I didn’t have a pen to write Gail a note, so I decided I would message later.

Lots of people were trying to contact me, so I put up a message on facebook to let them all know that I was alive and well, but just wanted to be “of the map” for a few days..

I didn’t sleep pretty well all night. I couldn’t get the heat level right. I had the beautiful cotton blanket that Ingrid R had given me, the woolly blanket Alison G had given me, the afghan that Susan F had given  me and last but not least the green duna. I should have been warm but I was not completely, comfortably warm.

But I think it was my state of mind rather than anything. It is often that way on the first night anywhere. I watched Netflix on and off during the night. I have been watching a series with a Muslim point of reference, and I am horrified at the way the Muslim mind works. 

The “honour and shame” belief system is so frightening and terrifying for women. I am so glad that Jesus is going to be in the earth soon, because I just shudder at the thought that Muslim’s might come into power with Shariah Law and Punjab’s and everything that goes with it. 

That is why I hate wearing a hat at meetings because it doesn’t symbolise subjection to a husband to me, but tyranny. I’m sorry, if I offend some of you out there, but that’s how I feel and if I am to be truthful to my story, then that is the way it is. I always wear one at meetings where they require it but not at my own meetings in Adelaide.

Morning came eventually, and I sat up in my little “world” where I feel so safe and secure with my God. I tidied everything up and then made my very first attempt at using my new jockey wheel. 

I could have hugged “Ian,” Kenny’s friend for the job he has done for me. It all worked like a charm and I actually detached my trailer from my car. I drove over to the toilets and showered and then began the task of finding everything, my drugs, my toothbrush and toothpaste. I will have to relocate them all so they are near at hand.

Then I drove back to my trailer again, and packed everything up so that I could leave it there and go and get breakfast, and hopefully find an optometrist. 

I left my chair and box outside. I decided that if someone wants to steal anything of mine I would feel sorry for them because they would be “taking on God,” and he would provide anything I really need. 

People see me struggling along in my walker and they are all so kind, at least 3 men offered me assistance with anything I needed.

I keyed in “cafe”s and “breakfast” into my GPS and went in search in the end for a Maccas, because it is safe and familiar. I ordered an egg and bacon muffin, with a hash brown, but I couldn’t eat it. My stomach has certainly shrunk somewhere on this trip.

So I will soon go back and tidy up the rest of my car for when I go on my way once more. In spite of my ups and downs on this trip, I have really enjoyed myself in the Hunter Valley Region. 

Tonight I will go to the HVE Bible class and sort out one or two things that need sorting out. And Gail, I will see you tonight and I do apologise for my sudden departure.

Today I will try to transcribe the rest of JD’s study 15. I haven’t enjoyed this one as much as his other studies. JD’s “tone” of voice is even more judgmental than usual, but I love him, and appreciate so very much his wonderful expositions. At least he is consistent. 

My relationship with brothers in the ecclesia is tenuous at best because I don’t “act like a woman,” and I am not subservient. 

They don’t know when they are being arrogant and rude and abusive, and I guess because I have had that all my life via my brother Rick, who bullied me my entire younger years, I have copied my kindly brother Maynard and just absorbed it, and kept my mouth shut until such time as I have decided what to say. 

I am more concerned that my words be “right” than whether their words are “right.” That is their concern, not mine. I always pray in those circumstances, because I don’t KNOW whether my words and my behaviour have been “right.” I need time to think and to absorb. 

If I find I am wrong, and need to apologise, then I will try to do so with good grace. But what is the point of apologising when the other person’s behaviour is harsh and abusive?

Of course, everyone in the whole ecclesial world knows my history, that I have sinned in every possible way there is to sin, that I am far from a “virtuous woman.” But in spite of that I do love my God with all of my heart and pray that he will cover me with his righteousness, because I have none of my own. And in spite of my own personal sinning, I must stand up for God’s righteousness, but NEVER my own.