20180521 - Monday - Hunter Valley Review - Fay Berry

20180521 – Monday – Hunter Valley Review

Dear Facebook friends,

It is almost the end of May, and I am now staying at the Alstonville Show Grounds. Time has passed since my stay in the Hunter Valley Region.

That period of time was a devastating time for me. My good name has been, I believe, unjustly taken from me and I believe I have the right of reply to my accusers.

I have lost so many friends, so many friends of 50 years standing, and I have not been given the opportunity to even defend myself, since everything I posted on Facebook seemed to be taken down the instant it went up.

I have decided to make one last attempt to clear my name of the vilification it has received.

I am going to put up the accusations JJ and J have put up about me and then I am going to put up all the facebook posts I made which include those called “abusive” by JJ and J.

Let the words I spoke at that time be my judge and you be the jury.

I deserve my “one day in court.”

Fay Berry

From Jeremy R:

Hi Fay,

I sincerely desire peace and love to reign in our lives.

I’m not sure if you yet have an appreciation of the devastation your many Facebook posts have caused Jamin, Janett, Gail and many members of HVE.

I really tried to convey this to you after your post in which you claimed to understand the politics of the area.

How could you?

Who helped you come to that understanding?

Innocent brothers’ and sisters’ lives have been turned upside down with the politics of the area. Some have lost everything, all their savings.

They do not need you to make any comment about them on Facebook.

Fay, please try and understand how hurt these brothers and sisters have been by the politics in the area. And you just rubbed salt into their wounds and said “get over it”.

That was insensitive.

Where did you get your information from? Not me. Not Jamin. Not Janett. Not Gail.

I know that. Because I’ve asked them.

And as a rule, we do not discuss the politics of the area at HVE.

So who was it Fay?

The way forward: it’s going to be hard for you Fay. Because you’re one tough cookie.

This will take you lots of courage and trust in Jesus.

The people you have damaged the most are actually (in order):

1. Janett

2. Hunter Valley Ecclesia

You have damaged them by your sustained abusive messages on Facebook.

Some of them I reported to Facebook and they were removed.

J says that I made sustained abusive messages on Facebook. Well, these are ALL the posts I made on Facebook. Read them for yourselves and see if they are in fact “sustained abusive messages.”

I think they are not! They were messages to my friends (and not to the Hunter Valley Ecclesia) who have been following me on my travels as a reward for helping me financially to be able to do this trip at all.

So here are the “abusive posts” I have made.

20180501 – Monday – Doctors

Today has been one of the most stressful days I have had in my travels so far. Why? Because I had to visit the doctor at Morisset.

I am terrified of doctors. doctors are usually men, and basically, I am terrified of men in authority.

When I was a girl, maybe 2-3 years of age, my Mum told me that I began as one of those little girls who loved dolls, but then quickly changed to one of those little girls who were called “tom boys.”

I had three brothers and my three brothers had a lot of freedom and I wanted that freedom too. The only way I could get it was to blackmail my brothers and tell them that “if you don’t take me with you, I will tell Mum what you are up to and then you won’t be able to do (whatever it was they were about to do).”

Well that was a two-edged sword, it meant that I had to overcome the 3 years age difference between me and my youngest brother and be as good as, if not better than they were in everything, and that meant from learning French, to playing tennis, to learning 2 or 3 childhood languages including deaf and dumb and all sorts of other things to be “as good as my brothers,” so I could keep up with them. Oh, and that included playing marbles and shooting a “shanghai.”

I spent a lot of my time on our various escapades, terrified of the things my brothers expected me to be able to do. Scared of the thrashing I would get if I did the things my brothers were going to do.

I got run over by a tram had to climb down into a mine shaft to look up and see the moon, there were so many things, that a little girl of 7 or 8 years should not be getting up to. But it gave me a sense of freedom and freedom was my most precious possession. Something that has stayed with me my entire life.

I look at a place like Bethsalem, a wonderful facility, probably the best facility of its kind in SA, and know I would go bananas if I were locked up in there.

I have seen my brother who was bi-polar locked up in a mental hospital and become violent in desperation because he didn’t want to take all their medication, that they unnecessarily give just so they don’t have to work so hard.

I saw Don Strempel suffer at the Oakden facility just before it was closed down. He was powerless to prevent the dreadful things happening to him.

My brothers ended up in the salivation Army boys home and were horribly abused while they were there. I have fought the doctors to get my brother out of their clutches at the Northfield Mental hospital. I have seen the mental facility at the QEH hospital, were the “lost” and uncared for mental patients were kept, and fought with the doctors with help of my sister-in-law Beth O’Connor (Joseph) to get my brother out of there. Places where they put people in and throw away the key.

I know they do good stuff and what would we do without them, but I remain terrified of them. So a day filling in forms for a doctor scares me witless.

And nurses, most are wonderful, but there is always that one who is difficult. Refusing to give birth to my second child until the nurse got my husband to come in and being told he had “gone home,” which I knew he would NEVER do. So I threw the plastic mask to the floor and broke it and screamed for my doctor until he came and took over from that nurse.

Having a nurse with a staph infection looking after my baby and my friend’s baby, whilst she was still terribly infections. My baby lived my friend’s baby died and there was no reason that it should have happened if that nurse had been prevented from handling babies in the nursery.

In those days that hospital was closed down for 18 months while they painted right through to try to get rid of the infection. Today, staph is so rife in hospitals that they just carry on regardless.

So It is an emotional thing with me. A senseless fear, but I suffer from it. I get pains in my stomach and stress over nothing and avoid making appointments I should make. My blood pressure shoots up impossibly and when I finally am on my way home, I cry uncontrollably.

So there you are. I almost put up a photo of me in tears, just so you know that I am not always happy. I try to be, but don’t always make it. I simply just want to run, a very long way away from the doctor.

20180502 – Wednesday – Trailer

Dear everyone, it is 3.15 am Wednesday morning and I can’t sleep because my brain is too active. So I have finally got up and I am sitting here at Gail’s dining table to get it all out on “paper” so that I can go back to bed and get some sleep and some peace.

I feel that I owe you all an explanation for my extreme behaviour of yesterday, and the reason WHY a visit to the doctor has become such a traumatic event for me.

Back in Adelaide before I left home on my travels, I had developed a pattern of behaviour that was a bit of a worry. I would get up in the morning and go out to my “office’ in some coffee shop somewhere and I would do my transcribing and my studies, and then I would come back home and I would be so tired that I would go to bed, and maybe stay in bed for the rest of the day.

I felt that I was slowly “dying.” I was very overweight and just piling it on and I knew that it would not be long before my health would deteriorate. But I knew from my experience 2 years ago on my first “grey nomad” adventure, that would all change. That the moment I got on my way and left Adelaide, that would all change.

Travelling with my little trailer and I am free, free to be myself, to still be able to study and do all the things I do at home, but without the cares of a household, keeping it clean, going to the shop to buy in food and all the mundane chores of life.

But I also knew that the complete change of activity would most certainly “stuff up” my system until my body adjusted to my new routine, and it did. I had hypos because my normal pattern of insulin intake was disrupted and I had to work out a new pattern and “get it right.”

Also I know that the isolation of travel for a woman alone is pretty complete. I am not free to interact with other “grey nomads” as couples are able to interact with large caravans and such. I am a woman alone, and I am vulnerable. So I don’t meet up with people, I don’t talk to people, I just keep to myself and go on my way.

I don’t have a lot of money, and the big question for me along the way, is “will I have enough $$ to survive between “ pay cycles.”

Now there are people who have helped me along the way. Dear friends have put money into my bank account along the way. I could not have done this trip without the help of my friends. In order to do what I can to “reward” them and show my appreciation of their kindness, my blog has been my way to “pay them back” for what they have done for me.

I write so that my friends can follow my journey and share my adventures. Not only that, since I am not free to make friends on the way, it is my source of “community” and it gives me a sense of “belonging” that there are people out there who care about me and who would rush to my aid if I should find myself in trouble.

And I know for a certainty, that somewhere along my trip, I will BE in trouble and need help from God and I know he will most probably provide that help by using “his ministers,” my angels, my friends.

When I had my stroke in 2008 life changed for me. I lost some eyesight and the ability to walk freely. AT first I thought I would just need knee or hip replacements, but when I had X-rays, they told me that I did NOT need knee or hip replacements, so my question was, “Then if I DON’T need knee replacements, why then can I not walk.” And to this question there seemed to be no answer.

Now because I have diabetes, even though mandatory testing of the eyesight of everyone over 70 has been abolished, it still applies to those with some serious health issues. I have diabetes, badly controlled. Why? Well because I hate being bothered about my diabetes and simply do not work hard enough at controlling it. But now that I am travelling it is different. I HAVE to control it and I have to lose the excess weight, or I won’t be able to keep travelling.

And THAT is why a trip to the doctor is enough to send me into a panic. I am running out of my insulin so I have to get new prescriptions and a new supply of drugs. I have to get all my records sent to a doctor over here, I have to get my eye-specialist to agree that my eyesight is good enough for travel. And with diabetes, my eyesight is always irregular. A year ago when it was time for my mandatory testing, I went to the doctor and managed to read only 2 levels of letters and if I had not even able to read that 2 levels, my driver’s licence would have been cancelled.

That terrified me. But next time I went to the eye specialist, my eyesight was fine. So I was expecting to have an eye test yesterday and was so afraid my eyesight may not have been up to par. Well, I didn’t have the test, because I have to send to my eye specialist for my records, and I know my last test was okay, so I don’t have to worry about that any more, but I still have to wait for all of my records to be transferred over.

So yesterday, THAT trip to the doctor was so scary, because I can’t go ANYWHERE without the doctor’s say so. So I am here in Hunter Valley until all my medical are sorted out.

Today I pick up my trailer and hopefully the new canopy is okay, but THEN I have to find a tow bar man to fix my jockey wheel because in the process of lifting the jockey wheel higher it is now not strong enough for the jockey wheel to be upright, so that has to be fixed before I can travel on up north.

I was about to give up and just “go home” because it was all seeming “too hard.” But now the kind conference people up in Qld have helped me out with somewhere to stay during the conference, and so I am now committed to head north, and fleeing to safety and “home” is no longer an option.

So yesterday I was beset with all these “imponderables” and wondering which way to turn, so that accounts for my “melt down” of yesterday.

And you see, this whole thing has got bigger than me somehow. I am writing to entertain my “friends” who have helped me to go on this trip. Instead I find I am writing to the “whole world” it seems, in fact I have no idea WHO reads my stuff. It is like I sneeze and they get the flu in Africa.

I think about stopping writing at all, but then I will be so alone, and I can’t do that. So I am hoping that all you who read my words will please understand that sometimes I “talk unadvisedly with my lips” and I don’t mean to offend anyone, but inevitably every now and then I do, and then I just take that “offending post.”

So my facebook friends, you have all been wonderful to me. I don’t want you to think I am just egotistical and full of myself. I write for my “friends,” and if you class yourself as one of those, then I am writing to YOU. But if you don’t like reading my stuff, then just unfriendly me, and that will solve the matter.

Now I can go back to bed and hopefully sleep.

20180503 – Thursday – Waiting for my trailer.

Well, here I am again, sitting in Maccas and waiting 2 hours for my trailer to be completed. I am actually very happy that Maccas exists, because when I am in a strange town, there is usually a Maccas somewhere, so just key it into my GPS and find the nearest one. There are toilets, and I know how everything “works.” And I can have a salad and a coffee and know that the food is no TOO bad for me.

I am supposed to be calling in to Garnet and Renera A’s place, and then after that to Janett Ryan’s place to “chill out” with the Ryan’s until the HVE midweek class at Janett’s place tonight.

But I will stay here until I pick up my trailer. Eli, I think his names is at Charlestown Canvas, has told me my canopy is “looking great,” and the colour is just beautiful. Well, as long as it WORKS, and no leads or wires have been damaged, I will be happy.

So since I have a couple of hours to “kill,” I thought I would talk to you about my external hard drive. My external Hard drive has “my life” on it. I began keeping a diary, on and off, from age 8 years. I wrote prolifically up until age 16, (1955).

I first of all used an Olivetti typewriter to write “my story,” and then I purchased the very first IBM electric typewriter which I simply loved. I was only good at two “subjects” at school, and that was English and the other was sports, tennis, softball, table tennis, cricket, and I loved horse riding and holidays at “Glen Shera” at Mt Compass where my Uncle was the manager of a sheep and cattle station there.

I was behind the door when the maths skills were given out. God gave all those skills to my brilliant brothers and left me mathematically illiterate! And what did my parents choose for me? All business subjects, shorthand, typing, bookkeeping, economics, geography, all subjects I simply loathed. So the inevitable happened, I did the things I loved and didn’t do the things I hated.

Oh and did I mention, that I loved boys. I started my diary with my very first entry which was headed “My boyfriends,” and I kept this updated year by year with an ever changing array of boys.

Apparently I was not really pretty, but apparently I had “something,” in my day they called it “IT.” School was segregated and contact between the sexes was NOT permitted. Well, I didn’t much like girls, and so I could not do without boy company. Of course with three brothers there were always plenty of boys coming home after school but at school it was more difficult.

I had thick plaits which apparently made me easily recognisable in a crowd of girls, and so to avoid conflict (regular conflict) with our prudish “headmistress,” I had my hair cut at age 12, so she wouldn’t be able to recognise me so easily. So my father and my brother Charles were always “on my case.” Maynard was kind and cared for me. Graham had his own conflicts, but generally we got on well.

I would find myself always up at the headmistresses office for something or other. She complained to my mother that what she couldn’t understand was that I had very “high principles” yet I simply did not obey every other law that the school had. I would skip classes, get the other girls to help me climb out of a classroom window to go off to Victor Harbor for the day. I was in 1st year high school when my brother Charles (Rick) was in 5th year, and Ron Hicks was also in 5th year that year and Charlie took it upon himself to retrain his sister, namely me. This I resisted with every bone in my body.

When I had been playing “keep the ball away” with other girls and boys and had just skidded along the asphalt on my backside after being thrown down by some boy or other. I would look up and I would see my brother’s legs towering above me, and I was “in trouble” again. My friends would say to me “Is Charles your brother” and I would say, “ Yes, well don’t blame me.”

So anyway the point of all this is that I needed my Diary. My diary was my friend. I could tell my diary everything, anything and it was my confidante. And with some gaps, usually when all the interesting stuff was happening and I was too busy living it to record it, I kept my diary on and off for my entire life time. No wonder I have a prodigious memory about past happenings. I think I remember just about everything that has happened to me in my whole lifetime.

To be continued.

20180503.1 – Thursday – Waiting for my trailer

Having written my diary for so many years, and writing only “to me,” means that I write very fluently and it just flows out of me.

So when I went on this trip, and decided I would write for my friends, I found that the whole way I write and the focus has changed. Writing to me, I could write anything I liked, but wring for “You” is a whole different ball game and a whole different focus.

When I wrote Runaway from Santipore, and then The Blacksmith’s daughter, I was trying to give a history of my life, year by year.

But I got up to 1974 in my story and found I had become too difficult. There were things that happened in my life that I didn’t know whether I should talk about or not. And then I realised there were so many years to cover and so many documents I needed to refer to that it became a “mission impossible,” without my external hard drive, I haven’t even got those documents to refer to.

So what this trip has done for me is make me realise that I don’t have enough years left to complete the task I have set myself if I keep on going “year by year.” That the best way is just to write on topics, and tunnel down through the years and back up to the present and just give overviews and memories as they come to me, without bothering about structure.

Our family has its share of problems and family conflicts, and sometimes we make decisions about who we include in our lives that are arbitrary and they can be very hurtful. My father had conflict with the Dangerfield family because they opposed his marriage to my Mum, so because of that I grew up not knowing I had a host of cousins I could have been friends with instead of being “alone” as I was. I believe he was very wrong in making that decision. I was 20 years of age before I realised that Roger Gore was my cousin. You can never retrieve that bonding that occurs when you are young. So in the Dangerfield family, I have always felt an “outsider,” when I should have been close.

I longed to know my grandmother, in fact I had a passion to know her, but she died before i was born. So facebook is my answer.

I have grandchildren who I don’t see much of, and they must have wondered why.

I know I wondered why I didn’t seem to have any relatives.

So I want my grandchildren and great grandchildren to know that I love them. I want them to be able to find me, just by googling my name, and be able to read about their history, their roots in the truth.

I know that God has designed everything “crooked” so we learn to interact with each other and love each other, and all will be sorted out in the kingdom.

When I die, if Christ hasn’t returned, I want them to know that, to know that I loved them, and that it is just human inadequacy and family turmoil that has kept us apart.

So though, my dear facebook friends, I do write for you, I primarily write for my family and extended family who for whatever reason are separated from me in this life. I will see you all in the kingdom. Please hold fast to the truth, God’s truth, it is the most precious possession I could hope to pass on to you.

I love you. All of you.

20180503 – Thursday – The doctor, again.

Well, I think I am jinxed! Today was my 2nd visit to the doctor. I think Gail stayed home for the morning to see that no disasters occurred for me and to be around if I needed her. Yes, well…

Everything went okay to begin with, I had to provide urine samples for the pathology and to fast overnight. Because it was supposed to be fasting blood test, I should NOT have taken my insulin before I went to my appointment. Well I did only take half of my usual amount. I got in my car, admiring my nice new blue canopy as I did so. I set the GPS to take me to the Morisset Medical Centre and off I went.

Half way down the freeway I thought to myself, “I should be there already, why am I not.” I pulled off the road, and found that I had not keyed in the Morisset Medical centre, but the Morphettville Medical Centre which happens to be on Anzac Highway in Adelaide!!! Ok, reset the GPS, but what to? What medical centre was it?”

Eventually I went to my phone and found my entry in my contacts for HVE CD ecclesia, and at last was heading in the right direction. But how long (you are all going to be telling me off here), how long do I have before my blood sugar level gets too low to be driving. But if I eat anything, then I won’t be able to have the blood test and I will have to go through this rotten process AGAIN on another day.

My GPS didn’t seem to be taking me to the right place. So I stopped and entered details again. I finally got there, and finally got up into the lift and to the pathology, and told them my sugar levels were too low, and they rushed me through. When they finished I ate a banana and then went down to the corner shop and had a chicken and salad roll and a coffee.

All was well again. I could feel my body returning to normal. And so it was at this stage, Anne Fergusson that I saw your humorous post, and thought, do I tell them, all you my facebook friends, or do I not?? So, well I did, and I am now prepared to take the consequences. A lot of you have said things to me like “you are brave” travelling all alone, and so in case any of you want to do the same, you need to be aware that it is fraught with danger and human error, and personality quirks, and female emotions, and on and on and on. It is simply dangerous to be alive, particularly if you are an ENFP. It is ok if you are an ISTJ, because you behave differently to an ENFP. ENFPs are a dangerous and volatile breed (Kate, Meg, Jonah) and should never be trusted to behave as they should in any given situation.

So there you go. I will put up lots of photos to distract you from this post!

20180505 – Saturday – HVE Bike ride at The rowing club, Speers Point Park.

Last night, my over-active brain was working at full blast. It is my belief that every problem that we could ever experience has its answer and solution, somewhere in the Bible. The skill is to be able to “search” our data base of knowledge and come up with the right answer. That requires and immense amount of Bible knowledge.

When I first realised this was so it was about 28 years ago, in 1989 when I first moved out from home leaving my husband behind. I was so unhappy. Unhappy with my life, with myself, with my husband, with my children, with the whole world in fact.

I realised that my Bible knowledge was not great enough to provide me with a “thus saith the Lord,” as and answer to the problems of my life.

I didn’t have Jesus’ knowledge. So I decided to get it. I purchased some CDs of Alexander Scourby reading the King James Version of the bible.

My job was selling real estate, so I was in my car most days for a number of hours. I began to play these CDs over and over again in my car. It was actually a big sacrifice for me, because I loved music and if I was going to be listening to God’s words, I would not be able to listen to music.

So from 1989 to 2018 which is some 29 years. I thought that if I did that, it might change me, but somehow at the end of that time I felt that it hadn’t changed me one little bit. I had hoped I would FEEL wise, but I only felt more miserably unfit for this life than I did before.

Because I am so bad at math, I never did learn the actual location of the quotations. I never did actually feel that I could recite the Bible, but I did find that I could be saying the words a second or so before Alexander Scourby did.

But I did find that my mind could jump from one quote to another, but I could not just say, well that was Rev 20:4. So eSword became my “locator” of the quotes.

I found another phenomenon that happened to me. My visual skills improved dramatically. For reading say Ezekiel Ch 1, at first every part of the vision seemed to be a separate entity, but gradually the overview of the picture grew in my mind. I found my powers of visualisation increased dramatically. I saw everything in pictures.

So when I discovered Jim Dillingham’s Visions of the future age, I was absolutely dumbfounded. I listened to his studies over and over and could not seem to retain them in my head. I also didn’t like some of what I heard. I wrote to Jim and we had discussions about his “tone” of voice. I thought that he was too judgmental, concerned about “God’s righteousness” as if somehow it was his personal responsibility to defend that “right-ness.” When I saw it as God’s work and not mine or his to defend God. God’s answer I felt was out of the whirlwind, “Where were you Job? When I did all these things, or in my terminology, “Who do you think your are, Job?”

So Jim and I had lots of disagreements, but in the end, I got used to his “style,” and accepted his person as he is, warts and all. I learned a big lesson, just not agreeing with someone’s “take” on things, doesn’t mean you can’t learn from their words, if the majority of their words are God’s words. So, I just continued to listen, and to love JD for all his hard labour in “dividing the word of Truth,” and teaching me his ways.

The same with NC. NC doesn’t like me, I drive him barmy, but I LOVE his words and so I listen and transcribe and read and absorb. I am convinced that I probably would not have liked Ezekiel either, he would have been an INTJ or combination thereof for sure, and my ENFP personality would have driven him up the wall.

But the WORDS, God’s words are creative. LIGHT, LIGHT, LIGHT, and in him there is no “shadow of turning.” One day, maybe NC will forgive me for my foolishness and lack of understanding. In the meantime I will continue to learn at is feet.

So these days, I spend all my time “walking with God.” I wonder at him looking at a palm tree and seeing a beautiful woman with long flowing hair. Who IS this God? Who IS he? He is too great for me. And then I look at us all, little ants that we are, “What is man that thou art mindful of him.” And then I look at each individual person. I look at Talitha R and I see such beauty and wonder in each creation of God’s hand.

And in my heart there is a love for my brothers and sisters that grows each day. I see everyone’s pain. I FEEL everyone’s pain, my own included. I think of Job, who wanted things to be FAIR, who believed that he was even more righteous than God. How foolish was he? Prov 24:9 “The thought of foolishness is sin: and the scorner is an abomination to men.” So in the very process of telling God how unfair he was being and how “righteous” Job was, he was sinning right there.

And it is not about being “right” it is about being a scapegoat, a red heifer for our brothers and sisters. It is about LOVING and not sinning. God has made truth so paradoxical. He wants us to LOVE, and yet it is our inability to manage love that lets us down. In our very loving, we end up sinning. Maybe that is why they will neither “marry nor be given in marriage” in the kingdom, because we can’t manage those two sides of the coin. We love too much, we prostitute ourselves.

We can’t be priests and kings without God’s help because one is for mercy, the other is for judgment. We have to let it all be God’s work. We destroy each other in our need to be RIGHT. God can look after his own RIGHT-NESS. Just be kind, be loving, have “the law of kindness in our mouths” and forgive each other and we would be forgiven ourselves.

20180508 -Tuesday – Doctor, Again.

I woke up this morning in tears. During the night I had been struggling with too much data, too much input, too many people, to many “Why” questions and only coming up with “How” answers.

I sent out some SOS’s for help during the night, and there in my inbox was my answer, but it was too late to keep my emotions in check, so I probably cried for about 10 minutes.

Gail was driving Karen and ?? Thurlow to the airport this morning because they were going o/seas. I rang Gail (upstairs) and asked if I REALLY had to get up and shower and be dressed in time for their arrival?

Gail laughed and said, “Stay in bed till midday if you like,” so, well I am up now, and it is only 11.00 am.

I have been in the Hunter Valley now for some 6-7 weeks. My already overloaded “friend” list has grown exponentially during those weeks and I have struggled to retain names and faces and everyone’s stories. It is like I have stepped into a whole new life.

Every day I have struggled with my nerves and my driving, but by now I am at last familiar with where to go left or right, and so my stress levels have subsided. I have had to stop by the side of the road on numerous occasions and sleep for half an hour because my energy levels are running out faster than I have need of them.

I have heard the “politics” of the whole area and am now familiar with the dramas of the region. Hunter Valley, I have found is a regions full of some of the most wonderful people I have met (apart from all you Adelaideians) in my life. There is a spirit of love and joy here that is second to none, but there are so many people in pain.

I have prayed for Paul’s wisdom. He had “the care of all the ecclesia’s” and I now know what that means. I now know why he wrote in Romans about the factions of Paul and Apollos etc. and these divisions run through family groupings and there is so much pain and I know that the “blame game” is alive and well.

And that is why I woke up crying this morning because I can’t solve all the problems. I love all those on either side of the “great divide,” but I don’t have the wisdom the background knowledge, the judgmental skills. I just want everyone to love each other.

But I know and recognise that there are problems there which may need to be taken to the law of the Land, and I just hope there are wise people here who can navigate that minefield. So that side of the story I will leave quite alone.

But the division between brothers and sisters Paul has shown the way. He told Euodias, and Syntyche to just “get over it,”to be of the same mind, to forget the history and just put your arms around each other and love each other and leave the details to God (Php 4:2).

I can hear a billion “yes but’s” here but I am not equipped to handle them, all I can say is what Paul has already said. To love each other.

So that’s all I have to say on all of that.

But I soo love you all. You have been so kind and welcoming to me. Gail has been so wonderful and caring I will never be able to repay her for loving me all this time. We have shared a lot of tears and I have tried to tolerate Ant and the cat, but without much success I am afraid. You are kinder and more tolerant than me.

My TRAILER, is all fixed. Simon Sawell certainly directed me aright there. He sent me to “Kenny” at Nelson’s Bay, who took me to “Ian” at Soldier’s point Metal, and he did the trick. My whole camper trailer is up and running. I may need a service before I leave, but that is all.

So my dear and beloved Hunter Valley and Boolooroo and Gosford friends, God willing I will be “departing these shores” on Monday 14th of May, 2018 for shores unknown, even to me. Will let you know where I am headed, which will be somewhere into the “blue horizon.”

I have been the 14th May and I think the 7th July to fill in, so open to suggestions.

Love to all.

20180508 -Tuesday –

I thought I was going to Hunter Valley tonight to be judged about my post so I prepared the following, but nobody spoke to me about it at all which distresses me very much. I only went to the class in order to sort the matter out-

Well here is what I prepared

Dear Everyone,

I was not expecting the extreme reaction that there was to my post on Tuesday. It hit me like a bolt out of the blue.

I have been trying to analyse the post and the reaction to it ever since.

So I am going to ask you all to do something for me. I am going to ask you to imagine that the post came from our Lord Jesus Christ and that it was delivered in the first century, shortly after Jesus death on the cross.

If you do this, you will know as the words are read to you, which ones are His and are legitimate and which ones are mine and illegitimate.

So here goes.

I woke up this morning in tears. During the night I had been struggling with too much data, too much input, too many people, to many “Why” questions and only coming up with “How” answers.

I sent out some SOS’s for help during the night, and there in my inbox was my answer, but it was too late to keep my emotions in check, so I probably cried for about 10 minutes.

Gail laughed and said, “Stay in bed till midday if you like,” so, well I am up now, and it is only 11.00 am.

I can hear a billion “yes but’s” here but I am not equipped to handle them, all I can say is what Paul has already said. To love each other.

So that’s all I have to say on all of that.

I have been the 14th May and I think the 7th July to fill in, so open to suggestions.

Love to all.

Now, if you have been visualising these words as coming from Jesus, you will know where I have said His words and where I have said my own, words and have been propounding my own righteousness and not God’s

Ok. Now for the responses I received from you here at Hunter Valley.

From a sister,

Dear Aunty Fay,

Maryanne

It’s been lovely to see you over the past several weeks that you have been a part of our community. I’ve enjoyed listening to your stories and reminiscing on past events, etc.

On Sunday, you mentioned to me that you thought that if you were to be around for very much longer, that you may consider me to be a friend. I rather hope that may be the case notwithstanding the amount of time we have known each other. We are Sisters in Christ after all.

As such, I hope you won’t mind my saying that I was surprised and not a little perturbed at reading your Facebook journal entry for Tuesday. You have almost 1000 friends on Facebook and now they know that you know/are familiar with the “politics” and dramas of the Hunter Valley region/Ecclesia.

Is it really necessary to broadcast that to “all and sundry” that you are privy to such things and that pain is being experienced by so many in the Ecclesia/s? To make the comments that you have that, there is much “going on” that you now know about (which is only the business of those about whom it concerns), is to invite gossip and speculation (slander) to the fore and bring unnecessary grief and stress to people already “in pain” because now all Facebook know that there is something to know (which there isn’t). To know “a bit” about a subject is not the same as knowing “all about it”. It is not up to you to worry about, pass judgement on, suggest solutions or try to surmise whether or not you can help to sort anything out.

To make such comments as you have, that:

You want people to love each other;

You want bro/sis to be of one mind;

The “blame game” is alive and well;

Paul showed the way concerning divisions and that is to “get over it and just love each other”(???!!);

You don’t have enough background knowledge;

You don’t have the judgemental skills;

Those concerned should just love and leave the details to God….

I’m sorry but that looks to me very much like “stirring up trouble” or dropping a bomb and then running for cover to see what happens next.

The facts are that any issues in question are only the business of those people involved and that no one is qualified to openly discuss details of such private matters or pass judgement, suggest solutions, etc. on such a public forum as Facebook.

Lots of love,

A sister xxx 💗🌷

From Jeremy:

Hi Fay, I think your latest FB post is so inappropriate. You are in no position to be broadcasting your opinion publicly on issues that are so complex that you would not understand. Even if you did, you should have enough wisdom to keep your counsel to yourself. You don’t come into an area, in which you don’t live and comment on local issues, especially when it is abrasive to the very people who have been hosting you. Can i request that you remove the post please.

You seem to have an overdose of a sense of entitlement. You seem to be okay with cuddling up to people you call friends, deceiving them into believing you are being friendly in return, learning of their intimate traumas and struggles of life, and then broadcasting them publicly, with your own added (but unwanted and unsolicited) opinions and judgements . . . as if you have somehow earned the right to abuse and disrespect those who have cared for you. This is a sense of entitlement. If you even knew what it means to “let each esteem other better than themselves” you would have never taken the liberty to write such slander-based-on-gossip. I will leave it to your own conscience about leaving that public post up for all to read an mutter about. I know you really care about others, but your post sends the opposite message.

You are snubbing my objections to your post. Yet you claim to know what it is like to care for the ecclesias. You are disrespecting me and others in our ecclesia. Paul, who *did* actually care for all the ecclesias, said, “Wherefore, if meat make my brother to offend, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend.” 1 Cor 8:13.

From Jamin:

I will leave you be when you leave me be

You need to take that post down off Facebook

you have upset me enormously you have caused sorrow and sadness to lots and lots of people who are very sensitive about this issue right now

How many people actually have to tell you Fay, that they’re sad and offended and upset before you take any notice

You have the power to fix this problem immediately

stop creating chaos

How many of your brothers and sisters need to line up to tell you to take down something that offends them ?

Do you actually care ?

Why are you being so stubborn – why won’t you back down

what’s in it for you

why under fire and peoples expressed distress are you insisting that you must have this post at all costs remain

You’ve got your post on guard 24 hours a day seven days a week continuing to give me a hard time while you beg for a break ……. because you’ve got to get your eyes straight !!!!!

take the thing down

Do it

What the heck is this dogged determination of yours to dismiss any concern, fear or distress that others have

Why are you prattling on to Maryanne

“this too will pass – if I have sinned God will forgive me I’ll sit in my trailer and shut out the world”

You have created a nightmare

you have people lining up begging you to do such a little thing

so that with one of your little fingers you can ease the burden of many

You have people in black-and-white asking you to ease the burden

You can do it with a stroke of a key – in a second – in an instant if you want

But Your answer is -if I have sinned, God will tell me

I’ll just standby – maybe these people won’t drown…..maybe they won’t die

Why are you breaking the bruise breed and quenching the smoking flax

Take the post down please

Not sure why we went through this charade to get to this point

From Janett:

Hmm not sure, it sounded like Hunter Valley Ecclesia has a lot of problems. When actually I think you meant the hunter region.

People may misinterpret that Hunter Valley Ecclesia is a disaster, when in fact hardly anyone in HVE is affected . As you know we don’t talk about it.

You may like to change it to hunter valley region. The bit in the 7th paragraph

Fay: Maybe God sees it differently?

I’m very sad, I didn’t realise you were interviewing me for a report you would later put on Facebook!

That was sneaky, you should have told me upfront.

I noticed that you never wrote about Adelaide and all the issues happening over there.

Please remove your post!

You told me and I trusted you when you said, if I write something and someone asks me to take it off I do, I don’t mind.

Was that statement true Aunty Fay?

My son just read your post and said, I thought Aunty Fay loved us, why would she do this? Is she not really our friend even though she said she was?

Your post is doing damage to our young people. It’s not helpful

Janett

Well that is most of it.

Now it is your job to make your judgement.

I feel that my post was legitimate

But I will allow you to you be the judge of that. If my words were unwise, I can assure you my intentions were good. I will stand by your judgement. Please keep in mind that I write for my friends.

I say all this very sincerely,

Your sister in Christ,

Fay

20180509 – Wednesday – Bible Class

Yesterday I went to the doctor again. I turned up at 1.00 pm yesterday only to find that I had got the dates wrong and my appointment was for Tuesday not Wednesday.

To my dismay, the doctor told me that I still had to take the eye test, that the records from my eye specialist were not sufficient. I looked over at the eye chart on the wall and could see that I had got myself into such a state that my eyes were all blurry.

The doctor saw me looking and said that because of my “uncontrolled” diabetes, my eyesight would be variable. He said that I needed to rest and relax and not get stressed.

Well, I knew that was a tall order for me. I asked what I could do, and he said, if you have stresses in your life right now, get rid of them and go and take a brake, have a holiday.

It was about 2.30 by this time, so I drove home and decided that I would go somewhere quiet and peaceful in my new trailer, where no people were, and just relax.

So I searched wiki camps for a suitable place where there were lots of trees and plenty of space so I could park away from people.

I found somewhere suitable and paid the fee up until next Monday. He also told me I had a urinary tract infection. Great!

I packed up all my gear and by that time was so exhausted and I didn’t have a pen to write Gail a note, so I decided I would message later.

Lots of people were trying to contact me, so I put up a message on facebook to let them all know that I was alive and well, but just wanted to be “of the map” for a few days..

I didn’t sleep pretty well all night. I couldn’t get the heat level right. I had the beautiful cotton blanket that Ingrid R had given me, the woolly blanket Alison G had given me, the afghan that Susan F had given me and last but not least, the green duna. I should have been warm but I was not completely, comfortably warm.

But I think it was my state of mind rather than anything. It is often that way on the first night anywhere. I watched Netflix on and off during the night. I have been watching a series with a Muslim point of reference, and I am horrified at the way the Muslim mind works.

The “honour and shame” belief system is so frightening and terrifying for women. I am so glad that Jesus is going to be in the earth soon, because I just shudder at the thought that Muslim’s might come into power with Shariah Law and Punjab’s and everything that goes with it.

That is why I hate wearing a hat at meetings because it doesn’t symbolise subjection to a husband to me, but tyranny. I’m sorry, if I offend some of you out there, but that’s how I feel and if I am to be truthful to my story, then that is the way it is. I always wear one at meetings where they require it but not at my own meetings in Adelaide.

Morning came eventually, and I sat up in my little “world” where I feel so safe and secure with my God. I tidied everything up and then made my very first attempt at using my new jockey wheel.

I could have hugged “Ian,” Kenny’s friend for the job he has done for me. It all worked like a charm and I actually detached my trailer from my car. I drove over to the toilets and showered and then began the task of finding everything, my drugs, my toothbrush and toothpaste. I will have to relocate them all so they are near at hand.

Then I drove back to my trailer again, and packed everything up so that I could leave it there and go and get breakfast, and hopefully find an optometrist.

I left my chair and box outside. I decided that if someone wants to steal anything of mine I would feel sorry for them because they would be “taking on God,” and he would provide anything I really need.

People see me struggling along in my walker and they are all so kind, at least 3 men offered me assistance with anything I needed.

I keyed in “cafe”s and “breakfast” into my GPS and went in search in the end for a Maccas, because it is safe and familiar. I ordered an egg and bacon muffin, with a hash brown, but I couldn’t eat it. My stomach has certainly shrunk somewhere on this trip.

So I will soon go back and tidy up the rest of my car for when I go on my way once more. In spite of my ups and downs on this trip, I have really enjoyed myself in the Hunter Valley Region.

Tonight I will go to the HVE Bible class and sort out one or two things that need sorting out. And Gail, I will see you tonight and I do apologise for my sudden departure.

Today I will try to transcribe the rest of JD’s study 15. I haven’t enjoyed this one as much as his other studies. JD’s “tone” of voice is even more judgmental than usual, but I love him, and appreciate so very much his wonderful expositions. At least he is consistent.

My relationship with brothers in the ecclesia is tenuous at best because I don’t “act like a woman,” and I am not subservient.

They don’t know when they are being arrogant and rude and abusive, and I guess because I have had that all my life via my brother Rick, who bullied me my entire younger years, I have copied my kindly brother Maynard and just absorbed it, and kept my mouth shut until such time as I have decided what to say.

I am more concerned that my words be “right” than whether their words are “right.” That is their concern, not mine. I always pray in those circumstances, because I don’t KNOW whether my words and my behaviour have been “right.” I need time to think and to absorb.

If I find I am wrong, and need to apologise, then I will try to do so with good grace. But what is the point of apologising when the other person’s behaviour is harsh and abusive?

Of course, everyone in the whole ecclesial world knows my history, that I have sinned in every possible way there is to sin, that I am far from a “virtuous woman.” But in spite of that I do love my God with all of my heart and pray that he will cover me with his righteousness, because I have none of my own. And in spite of my own personal sinning, I must stand up for God’s righteousness, but NEVER my own.

20180510 – Thursday

Dear friends,

As you know I write to you about my travels and to keep you informed of my whereabouts, and to keep myself safe on my journeying.

I have not done to well on this trip and have offended many here in the Hunter Valley Region but the things I have said. I apologise to you for my many indiscretions.

I just want to let you all know that I am going to be reducing my friends list down considerably so that for future posts I will only be including close friends and family who are the main people with whom I wish to communicate.

Most of the problems have come because I find I am talking to a wider community than just my friends.

If you find you have been blocked on my facebook page and wish to be re-included as my friend, you will need to contact me and let me know.

I do this with no malice at all, but I have been in more hot water this trip than ever before.

I can’t write if I am having to constantly take down posts because someone has objected to something I have written.

You can post as much as you like on my posts and argue things out to your hearts content. But I need peace and have not had it for some time.

In future if you and I can’t agree on something then the best and most permanent solution is just not to be in each other’s faces.

I will TRY to be discreet, but can’t guarantee that I will always get it right.

In future, if anything or anyone becomes a problem to me in my little world, I will remove their name instantly and without notice from my friends list.

20180511 – Friday.

I am sitting at a table outside the laundry at the Park I am staying in and I am absolutely frozen through to the backbone, but I have to stay here until all of my batteries are charged.

I got your message Mark Lunn about my solar power, but the Phone number I had for you was incorrect and so I didn’t get on to you. What is wrong is that when they made my canopy, they put the solar panel in a clear plastic pocket and the pocket is not letting enough light through to provide me with sufficient power.

Sitting here has meant I am in full view of other travellers, and they keep coming up and talking to me, so I am getting nothing done. Apparently my “mode of travel” and unusual camping set up makes me conspicuous, as does my array of electronics, for someone my age.

Well, in the end, I simply gave up because my fingers were so cold I couldn’t type anyway. What to do. Breakfast sounded like a good idea.

I now have two meals a day and go to Subway for those. That’s all I am eating, and the weight is beginning to fall off of me. When I went to the doctor last I had dropped from 107 to 97. This has also meant that I have had to take less and less insulin, and my walking is a little better as well.

I have been thinking and thinking about the events of the last few days, and trying to learn what lessons there are to be learned out of those events. I really want to share with you some of my conclusions, and some of the lessons I believe I have learned.

Oh and by the way, the only reason I am able to write this is that my fingers have unfrozen because I am now sitting in the Morisset public library, where there are POWER POINTS to charge my batteries.

So here goes. I posted that post that got you all upset I think on the 8th May, 2018. That was the post that spoke about how you should all just “get over it” and “love one another.”

The very MINUTE I had put the post up, the texts began to flood in. “Take that post down, Fay, you stubborn woman, take that post down.” “Who do you think you are walking in here into our territory and giving us your simplistic solutions to complex problems,” or words to that effect.

I KNEW I was in “trouble big.” I was due to go to the doctor, right at that moment, and so I didn’t want to, and could not front up to everyone right them.

Gail rang and started saying “Fay, that post you just put up…. “I said, Gail, hold it right there, I can’t deal with this right now I have a doctor’s appointment,” and I hung up on her.

Jem and Jamin were breathing fire and brimstone from all four nostrils, and all I could think of was “I need time, I cant answer them right now.”

I went to the doctor and he was useless. I had got my eye specialist information sent to him but he STILL wanted me to have an eye test, but not with him, but with and eye-specialist. So that too was on hold. Groan!

Now you all know that I am a “talk first, think later” sort of person and I know it, the whole world knows it. So I am super scared of opening my mouth and putting the proverbial “foot” in it.

So after the visit to my doctor I rushed home and packed myself up from Gail’s place, I just had to get away and be off the map while I had time to think.

I searched Wikicamps and found a place to go, drove there, paid a week’s f rent, parked my trailer got in and what did I do? I went to sleep, and I slept for the whole afternoon.

Of course in the meantime, both Jem and Jamin were ringing me and ringing me and texting me and texting me in one long stream of angry words

I found this out when I finally woke up and saw the stream of text messages and dialogue that was hot enough to burn asbestos.

So what happened from there was the most amazing thing, how Jem and I went from raging disagreement and harsh words to an almost miraculous peace and love.

I am going to recreate for you what happened in that amazing process. I still feel wonderful gratitude and a fullness of love in the aftermath of that miraculous transition.

Jem: Hi Fay, I think your latest FB post is so inappropriate. You are in no position to be broadcasting our opinion publicly on issues that are so complex that you would not understand. Even if you did, you should have enough wisdom to keep your counsel to yourself. You do’t come into an area, in which you don’t live and c moment on local issues, especially when it is abrasive to the very people who have been hosting you. Can I request that you remove the post please.

Fay: Thank you for your concern, but no.

Jem: You seem to have an overdose of a sense of entitlement. You see to be okay with cuddling up to people you call friends, deceiving them into believing you are being friendly in return, learning of their intimate traumas and struggles of life, and then broadcasting them publicly, with your own added (but unwanted ad unsolicited) opinions and judgments…as if you have somehow earned the right to abuse and dis respect those who have cared for you. This is a sense of entitlement. If you even knew what it means to “let each esteem other better than themselves” you would have never taken the liberty to write such slander-based-on-gossip. I will leave it to your own conscience about leaving that public post up for all to read and mutter about. I know you really care about others, but your post sends the opposite message.

Fay: I am sorry you feel that way.

Jem: Feel what way, Fay?

Fay: I am leaving your post up. I have a conscience about it. But I am leaving today. Thank you for your love and care. I am sorry only that I have disappointed I

Jem: I will try.

Fay: Well, that is the best thing you have said yet.

Jem: ):

Fay: Jem, do you love me?

Jem: Yes

Fay: Jem, do you love me?

Jem: Yes.

Fay: Do you love me, Jeremy?

Jem: The Lord knows

Fay: And that is exactly what Jesus was trying to say. “Loves thou me?” Then feed my sheep.

Fay: Well, Jem, you just won the battle and also the war. I love you too, Jeremy, with all my heart.

Fay: And now I will just have to see where it all ends up. I don’t know what to do or what happens from here.

Jem: I don’t believe you when you say “I do’t know what to do.” I know you really do, and that you’ve been in the truth long enough to know what doth the Lord require of you and me.

Jem: I am not an easy person to love, Fay, Possibly no one is easy to love.”

Jem: I objected to yr post. You objected to my words, You dug your heels in. So did I.

Fay: My ipad died.

Can I ring you?

Phone number.

So Jem and I spoke on the phone. I shed a lot of tears and Jem did too, and over the phone we hugged and kissed.

I put up the bit on facebook about Jem and I “kissing and making up” and then I wrote to Jem,

Fay: Well dear Jem, that is the best I can do. Wish you were here so I could hug you.

Jem:That’s good enough for me, Fay.

And Jem please don’t be angry with me for putting all this up, but I feel that people need to know how we got over our animosity and returned to loving each other again.

We got through our impasse. Maybe others can see how we managed to achieve it and do the same. Please, please, please Jem, don’t be angry with me again. Let me enjoy your favour, at least for a short time. let me have your love and not have to defend myself any more. I do LOVE you Jem, even though I don’t always do what you want.

20180512 – Saturday

Dear Everyone,

I have reduced my friends list down to those original friends that I have been trying to “entertain” with stories of my adventures and my travels since 2008. That was when I had my stroke and could no longer work, and I found myself lonely and with time on my hands,

My last post was reported by someone to facebook and I found that I did not have access to my account and now every time I want to open facebook I am asked to enter my password, which is very annoying.

This has become very stressfully, and so I have decided I will not make any more posts until I leave the Hunter Valley region on Monday.

I still have not sorted out the problem with my eyes. I thank all of you who have messaged me with love and support. You have all suffered persecution and extreme abuse over many years and I feel so sorry for you.

It is too big for me and I am not equipped to handle it, so I will have to leave you now and just pray for you that God will help you all in your troubles.

I will post again after Monday. Love to you all.

20180512 – Saturday

Dear brothers and sisters, I know I said that I would not post again until I left Hunter Valley, but then I thought about it and prayed about it

I can’t just leave things as they are. This Hunter Valley ‘divide’ has to end. I am quite clear in my mind who are the ones who have done the most damage and have perpetrated the most abuse on so many brothers and sisters.

But there has to be a way back, for forgiveness. You who have given so many people so much pain for such a long time, who have bullied and abused your brothers and sisters causing pain to so many. You know who you are, and if you don’t know there are plenty here in Hunter Valley to remind you.

I am asking you now to humbly apologise to those people you have harmed and damaged. Ask ask their forgiveness. And of course, none of us a squeaky clean. We have “all sinned and done evil in God’s sight.” We are all “the man.” Please could you all ask forgiveness from the person or persons to whom we owe forgiveness.

Can there be in the Hunter Valley a wave of love and peace and joy towards each other. I will start the ball rolling. I know that I often suffer from “foot in mouth disease,” I am sure there are those to whom I owe an apology and need to be forgiven. Will you all forgive me for the harm I have done to you, and will you not turn to your neighbour and say the same.

I am sorry, I have hurt you and I am guilty before God for my unkindness to you. Please accept my humble apology to you for the hurt Id have given you and the heartache you have endured at my hand.

Dear brother, sister, and for me, particularly the Ryan boys. I love you, you know I love you and it grieves me that I have hurt you. Please love me in return and forgive my my sinning toward you.

Brothers and sisters if we can do this, there is no sin so great that it cannot be forgiven. Please, if I have done harm in this Valley, let me now do some good. I ask you, I beg you, to forget past bitterness and love each other. God is love, God commands us to love the brothers and sisters of this Valley. We don’t have time, left we are in the time of “time no longer,” if we don’t judge ourselves now, we will be judged none-the-less.

I ask you to turn to your neighbour whoever he may be and put your arms around him and love him/her.

Your sister in Christ,

Fay

20180518 – Friday – Ballina

Dear friends,

I have left the Hunter Valley and now I am in Ballina and I am staying for a week at the Ballina Showgrounds. I am parked away away across the oval under a shady tree, and I will be spending a whole week, reading and studying God’s wonderful word, before I move on nearer to the Conference.

Last night I stayed at a caravan park at Coffs Harbor which is a luxury for me. It cost $35 for the night and I took a powered site so I could actually use my ipad and phone.

The Showgrounds costs $20 for an unpowered site. I chose to go unpowered, 1. Because there isn’t a powered site available and 2. Because there is a camp kitchen where I can charge my batteries.

Well, I am longing for a shower. Although I had one last night, I still don’t FEEL clean and I haven’t used shampoo on my hair for days. Why? I cant find it, and my car is in such a mess, but I haven’t had the energy to clean it up or clean my car.

But, the trip has been wonderful none-the-less, and GPS takes all the stress out of driving. I can just plug in where I want to go and then off I go. No hassle at all. Then if I want cup of coffee, just type in coffee near me and off I go.

I am sitting outside of the local bakery which is where I will come for meals.

Each day I will buy a meat and salad sandwich for breakfast and then a meat and salad sandwich to take with me for dinner that night. That is all I have been eating lately. Food has become just “fuel” for me and I am only eating for energy.

The weather is sunny and the nights are cold but in my little trailer I am snug as a bug. I thank my dad again and again for making me my little ‘escape machine’ all those years ago.

The road works from Coffs Harbour to Ballina have been amazing. It must be costing millions and millions of dollars, it is unbelievable the road words that are in process.

I would like to thank so many people who have cared for me over the last few weeks. I would like to name you all but I would be sure to leave someone out and I just don’t want to do that.

But I must in particular thank Marg, Ari and Ingrid, Nathan and Jon R and wives and Andy Leadbeatter, I can never repay you for the comfort you have been to me, for hot baths and candlers and love. And, of course, Darren Gore for your nightly phone calls that made me laugh and for paying ANOTHER speeding fine for me. How could that have happened. I have been using cruise control all the way, but there was one little town that’s Main Street was the highway and I didn’t realise it until too late. I was travelling10 k under the speed limit, but not in a town area. Groan…….

If anyone lives in Ballina you are welcome to pm me for my phone number so we may be able to meet up for coffee. I am here until the 25th.

20180519 – Saturday- Alstonville Showgrounds.

Today is going to be a GOOD day, I just know it. I slept okay last night, and I am very happy with my parking spot on the far side of the oval.

It is going to be a beautiful day, and I feel so relaxed and happy after a fortnight of stress and turmoil.

I went over my car sorting out all my belongings. I still can’t find my shampoo, but it is not bothering me too much, maybe I didn’t even bring any, I’m not sure?

I tidied up my trailer and hung up my towels to dry.

There is a show or such on this weekend, not sure just what it is all about, butI couldn’t go through the Showgrounds to get to the toilets and showers, so had to drive out of the park and right to the front entrance and get them to open the gate so I could drive in and park near the showers.

I showered and dressed and then went to the laundry and washed the dress I was wearing yesterday. Then I went over to the pavilion where they were setting up markets, and I was able to have an egg and bacon sandwich and a nice cup of coffee.

And there is a little table right at the front of the pavilion where I can charge my batteries AND start using my iPad. Bliss!!

The woman from the office has been very helpful to me and she it is who told me I could use this little table and also charge my batteries.

Last night I began to think about what I would write about in the next few days and a few ideas came to mind.

In my “Blacksmith’s Daughter stories” I had written my story up until 1974 where it all went in a heap because I simply didn’t think I could write about that painful year, the very WORST year of my life.

1973 was the year I was forced to have an abortion, losing my 2nd son (I firmly believed that it was a son) because of contracting German measles.

1974 was the year I learned of the abuse of two of my daughters that broke my heart and filled me with guilt that I had not protected them from an abuser.

It was also the year that 30 of us had to leave the Woodville ecclesia and disperse to other ecclesias because of a brother’s refusal to take responsibility for his improper behaviour towards a number of sisters in the ecclesia.

In other words, it was not a good year. Well, there were some high spots in it. It was the year Peter R came to Australia and commenced a friendship that has continued right to this day. I was able to see him happily married off and his lovely wife is now one of my very good friends.

But none-the-less, I simply did not know if I could write any more of my story, and time was running out for me, it would take too long for me to read all the data in my external hard drive and write the story.

Then there are all the photos that have to be processed to go with the stories. I put it all in the “too hard” box.

So it was on to plan B. How could I cover a lot of time and history more quickly. Well, today, God willing, I am going to divide the years up into themes and topics, and see if that will work.

Well, back to today’s happening. I can’t believe how the angels have been looking after me. This morning there are markets being held at the Astonville Show grounds, and I was able to have breakfast, charge my batteries, have a hair cut, buy a dress, all in the once place. Then Terrill Corby came to me and I followed here to the Lismore ecclesial hall where they were setting up for a cafe day at the hall. I was set up in a small side room with a table, power points, blanket for my legs, jumper for my body where I can work to my hears content until everyone turns up at 2.00pm. Then I will meet everyone from the surrounding area, Ballina, Lismore etc.

A gentleman called Barry Tyson came in for a chat. It turns out Jeff and I met his father and mother way back in the 60s when we travelled to WA to visit Don and Una Strempel and met up with all their friends in WA.

So much history, so many stories. I think I would have been a “story-teller” if I had lived in the 1500s, my head is full of so many stories. Every night, I think stories, dream stories, I live more in the past than I ever do in the present. I haven’t seen a lot of scenery or “places of note” on my travels, because I am always more interested in finding power points so that I can continue writing.

I don’t know how it happened that I collected all you my friends along the way. I started off way back when I had my/a stroke and could no longer work and had to find something to do to occupy my time.

I wrote my stories just for me, to record my personal history, but somehow it has escalated from there. I never intended to have a “following,” but somehow it has just happened, so now I find I have a much wider “audience” than just my family and a few friends.

It has had one other side effect, and that is that I have to be far more careful about the words I use, the things I say and the topics I talk about than I ever did at the beginning. But I am learning as I go.

This post is long enough. I shall continue next post.

20180519.2 – Saturday – Lismore Cafe afternoon

It has been a wonderful afternoon here at Lismore ecclesia. I followed Terrill Corby’s car to the hall and I was set up in a little side hall with a table and chair and PowerPoints for my batteries.

The hall was being set up as a cafe and meals and snacks provided for purchase for the whole afternoon and evening.

I met a lot of old friends, such the Peter and Lesley Scott, a couple of my old friend Lou Osborne’s sons, John Russell a relative of Marg Ryan, of course and a lot of new friends such as Jemma Patch, Darcy, Morgan, Maddison Smith and Melissa Smith, their Mum. Thanks Ari Burley son of Matt Burley and Leah Burley, for help with some of the names.

I have had my car cleaned (which it so badly needed) and have been provided with food and drink the whole afternoon. Terrill Corby prepared a plate of beef and salad at home and brought it to me because I had wished for a salad. I have been shown such kindness here.

The evening will go on until about 8.00 pm. I think. I am feeling pretty tired by now, so have escaped to my little “office” to write up this post and to have a bit of a break.

I haven’t even had to take many photos because Terrill has gone around at intervals and taken photos for me.

20180519.3 – Saturday – Just Photos of Lismore.

I am going to put up all the photos taken at Lismore, so you can see everyone there.

20180520 – Sunday – Lismore and Smith’s

All the people had left the grounds after the Markets had taken place, so all was peaceful and quiet during the night. My batteries only lasted for half of the night so I got out of the trailer for a while and just watched the stars in the sky. It is so beautiful where I am parked.

In the morning I drove to Terrill Corby’s place for breakfast, 2 eggs on toast and coffee. We had a pleasant chat and then I drove to the Lismore meeting. Terrill is going to her mother’s place where they will listen to the meeting together.

I had a great deal of difficulty during the meeting because my arm was really aching. I had undone all the “Bowen” therapy that Norm Smith had done for me yesterday by having to use it to get in and out of my trailer during the night.

I finally got to see Jenny Shaw, and gave Jenny Alison Gore’s love. I took some photos so Ali will believe that I actually DID convey her love to Jenny.

I took a lot of photos of people as they came up to greet me, and will leave it to you, my Facebook friends, to name them all for me.

Ros Norton invited me back to lunch and I accepted her invitation,but then Pam Smith came up and asked if I would like to have another “Bowen” session in the afternoon at her place.

After some discussion, with Ros and Pam, I changed my booking with Ros to Thursday evening and accepted Pam’s invitation for a Bowen session this afternoon.

Tuesday evening I will be going (God Willing) to Luke Shaw and ? Shaw’s place for dinner with the Shaw clan including Jenni Shaw.

I drove to the Smith’s place and had a beautiful meal of chicken and salad for lunch. To my surprise Norman Smith is related to the Mansfield family. His grandmother is apparently a Mansfield. You can’t escape being related to a Mansfield it seems.

Now I have driven back to the Alstonville Showgrounds where I am now sitting in the toilets of all places, to type of my diary and charge my batteries. There is some event in the pavilion still going on, so the toilets seemed the best option. In fact there is a little shelf between to hand basins that is perfect for typing.

Well, these are all the posts I have put up for my friends. They were not intended for the Hunter Valley people, but they were welcome to read them if they wised. Instead, they hijacked my Facebook page, taking down my posts and reporting my posts for no reason that I can see from reading all my posts. In the end, I had to block them from my facebook site and my phone to get back to just posting for my friends.

I do not believe I have anything to answer, but I believe the three Js, JJ and J do.

JJ and J kept telling me I could not quote their private messages to me. But those messages being accusations against me, surely I the right to answer my accusers.

Fay Berry 20180521.