The Blacksmith’s Daughter by Fay Berry 2013 © – Chapter 40 – 1957 09 11

My trip to Melbourne for the Messiah weekend was coming up soon and I began to think about organising my accommodation for that event. In the meantime, my life carried on as normal. There were meetings and the Sunday School exam to prepare for. Gordon Turner from England was staying with Sister Pascoe and I found him a lot of fun and enjoyed the ballads and songs that he loved to sing. We also enjoyed whistling together which was a new experience for me. Beth and Charles were still constantly “on my case,” watching my every move and monitoring my interactions with the Adelaide young people. When their harassment really got me down I would get on my bike and go for a ride to “blow the cobwebs away.” I would often end up at the Pascoe’s place and there I would work off my anger in a good game of table tennis with Ken Pascoe or John Wilson who lived just a short way away from the Pascoes.

Perce Mansfield and John Martin were my favorite lecturers during this period of time and Beth and I used to get a great deal of enjoyment out of “taking them off,” their mannerisms, and phraseology. One day, old Sister Mercer collapsed in the morning meeting and I put a Bible under her head and covered her with my coat until medical help arrived. After one particular morning meeting, my mother reported that she had received a number of compliments about her “lovely daughter” from various brothers and sisters. This quite amazed me and cheered me up somewhat after the constant “dripping” of criticism I was used to hearing from my brother and sister-in-law to be. I went to a nearby reserve and lay down on the grass and looked up into the heavens and tried to process the conflicting information that I was receiving.

Keith Noble, the boy who had come into the meeting at the same time as Jeff Berry had just had a nervous breakdown and ended up in hospital, first of all at the Osmond Terrace Hospital on the east of the city and later at the Northfield Mental Hospital. A number of the young people used to visit him during this time including Jeff Berry, John Knowles and Phyl Matthews and the Eakins and myself. I had become very confused about whether Jeff Berry “liked” me or not. He seemed to make a point of sitting near me at meetings but never “with” me and I had no idea in the end where I stood with hi; did he like me or did he not? I was very pleased when my old school friend, Roger Green began attending some of the Christadelphian meetings. My bridesmaid dress for my brother’s wedding was being made by a dressmaker on the north-east of town and I had to ride their every now and then to have my dress fitted. I kept visiting Keith and often Jeff would be there too. I knew that I was very much in love with him, but I had no real idea of whether Jeff loved me or not. I soon found out that he really just regarded me as “a weakness of the flesh” and was trying hard to resist becoming involved with me. I tried to forget about him and just “get on my bike” and ride away into the sunset.

DIARY ENTRIES

19570911 Letter to Mansfield’s in Sydney, asking if they can put me up when I go to Melbourne for Messiah.

19570915 Sunday – This morning I went to the Temple in our car with Mum and Dad. Sister Joseph went with Beth and Charles in their car. We were early. Jeff as usual was sitting behind us. Jim Mansfield Jnr is over from Sydney and he appears to be going with Margaret McLean. He wasn’t well this morning and he fainted during the meeting. Jeff got up pretty quickly after the meeting because he had to hand out the leaflets for the Thursday lecture at Prospect. I paid off for some of my debt at the library this morning and after that I helped with washing the wine glasses. When I came back, Mum was talking to Sister Pascoe. I said “Hello” to her and then Dad was on our trail to get us home. It was raining and we had to run for it. I felt miserable this afternoon because we didn’t have to pick Jeff up for Sunday School. Mum told me he was spending the day with the Pascoe’s and that Sister Pascoe and he would be coming to the Woodville Sunday School in her car and from there they would be going to Gawler. I wished I could go with them. There’d be too many in the car though and besides, Jeff may not want me to come along. I sat next to Peter Mansfield during Sunday School. He’s marked up Daniel. I’ll have to get onto that soon.

I was standing next to the door and Sister Ide came up. She kissed me and slipped her arm through mine. Then Jeff passed us. He squeezed my arm. He makes me mad. He’s always doing little things like that, probably does it to all the girls. No wonder the girls get ideas. I wish he did mean what all his actions seem to imply. He then left with Sister Pascoe. When we got home I asked Dad if he felt like going to Gawler and he said that he would go if I wanted him to. But Mum told us that Cleon Wigzell was coming to dinner so we couldn’t. In the end I decided to stay home. When Cleon and his wife arrived, we had dinner and afterward sat round the fire talking. Cleon is very enthusiastic in the truth and he’s doing a lot of good work. They talked a bit about their trip to Perth that is coming up soon. Jeff is going, Eric Mansfield from Sydney, Cleon and his wife, Uncle Perce and Doris, Sister Woods and a few others are all going, lucky things. Why is it that Jeff can just tag along and no-one says anything but if I decided to tag that wouldn’t be so acceptable. Its not fair. Oh well, that’s what comes of being a girl. After Cleon had gone I did some work on “the Events” and then went to bed.

19570916 Monday – This evening I got myself thoroughly sunk in “Armageddon,” and by the time I had finished, I felt as though I had been through it. I rang Des up to find out if he and Brian would be coming to our place for dinner tomorrow night. They are. There’s going to be a nice crowd there. Jeff won’t be there though. I didn’t invite him. Gordon Turner is coming, Des and Brian Manser, Fred Hackett, Robin and Judith Mansfield, Wendy Jolly and Jim Mansfield, Yvonne Cox, Nancy King, Janice Randall and myself of course. Des was quite convinced it was my birthday and it took some work to tell him otherwise. I’ve been trying not to let him know the date of my birthday for some time, but tonight I did tell him because I’d hate him to turn up tomorrow with a present.There will be some slides shown at the Abraham class tomorrow night. More conference rumors.

19570918 Thursday – Tonight after work I went into the lounge and set up my work for a solid night’s study, which, of course, didn’t eventuate. I went in to help with the dishes and Beth started talking about the Tuesday night when the crowd came to dinner. She said she thought it terrible the way the girls all converged on “Poor Gordon.” She said the girls were nothing but a lot of boy-mad creatures, “You included,” she said, glaring at me. We argued a bit about it and then I said that maybe the evening would have gone more to her like if her mother had played hymns or something as she had been asked. That got Beth’s back up and she asked if her mother had actually been asked to play hymns. I said that she had and Mum supported me. Seeing she had lost on that point, Beth said to me, “You are always passing the blame onto someone else aren’t you?” That was it, as far as I was concerned, I am full up to the teeth with it. I’m sick to death of being criticised about my behavior and the other girls’ behavior with boys. I was only with Gordon Turner that night for a few minutes, to stop him standing like a stuffed dummy as he had been doing. The other girls are so jolly self-conscious that they won’t go near a boy unless there’s another girl there. When they saw me talking to him then they all felt free to come and and I left went he and they were talking happily. I believe I should be friendly and nice to the boys as well as the girls, but I reckon Beth thinks it is a “sin” to be in he company of boys. I think she ‘s the one who has the problem, not me.

Anyway, when Beth said what she said, and I closed up like a clam. I didn’t say another word. Beth was quiet for a while, but then she apologised for saying what she had said. That’s okay, but she does it so often. She criticises me and when she’s got her point across, then she apologises. Usually, I accept her apologies but this time, well, I didn’t. I just said nothing. She tried again. She asked me not to be upset by what she had said, because she didn’t mean it. Didn’t mean it? Of course she meant it and next time she will say it all over again. The dishes were finished by this time and I just walked out and left her to it. I knew I shouldn’t have but I was so angry I could not bring myself to finish the whole stupid matter. I went into the passage and grabbed my coat, got my bike and went for a ride around the block to blow the cobwebs away.

It was so pleasant riding that I just kept going. I made in Pascoe’s direction telling myself that I would turn back before I reached there, but I didn’t turn back. When I came to their place I got off my bike and stood looking at their house. I was about to ride off when a light came on and Sister Pascoe came out to throw some rubbish into the rubbish bin. On impulse I walked down the drive and said, “Hello.” I told her I had got fed up with studying “Armageddon” and had gone for a ride for a break. I went inside with her and Gordon Turner and John Wilson and Ken Pascoe were in the lounge. Ken Pascoe looked at me and said, “If Jeff had been here, I’d have been able to understand you being here.” Sister Pascoe asked me if I had thought Jeff would be here and I told her that I hadn’t thought any such thing, and that if he had been here I would probably not come in. Then Ken asked me to have a game of table tennis and we went out into the shed for a game. Ken and John bombarded me with questions about my feelings towards Jeff and eventually I introduced Barry Spencer’s name into the discussion to stop their train of thought. I managed to convince them that it was Barry not Jeff, that I was interested in and that I would be staying with Barry’s family soon. That stumped them and to my relief, they changed the subject. Ken then said something about me having had more boyfriends than he could count. I asked him what made him say that. He said that at school I had been the school’s “pinup girl,” together with Colleen Robjohns and Gunta Vitolins, that all the boys had our photos stuck under the lids of their desks. I just laughed at him and smashed a ball onto his side of the net to get off of the subject. If it is not Beth having a go at me about boys, it is Ken and Sister Pascoe. I am sooo tired of it all.

Ken is so curious about me and who I like. He asked me when I first went out with a boy. I told him in first year. He said, “Jeff Berry took his first girl-friend out when he was nine, to one of those parties with party caps and little baskets of sweets.” That set me laughing, conjuring up the vision of a tiny Jeff in a party cap leading a sweet little girl home from a party. “He’ll be 21 this year,” said Ken. “I know,” I said. If he took his first girl out at 9, then he has had 11 years experience of girls since then, no wonder he has the girls hearts all aflutter. I ‘ve only had five years experience, if you can call it that. If Ken knew just how few boys I’ve actually been out with, I ‘m sure he would be very surprised. I know I attract boys easily, but I rarely “go out” with them. There were tons of boys at school that would have liked to taken me out, but I mostly said “No.” Let me think, who did I actually go out with? Let’s see there was John Badman, he asked me out but I didn’t actually go out with him, Bob Oertel, I did go out with him, Ian Kelly I didn’t actually go out with him, and not Andrew McIntosh in the end either, and that’s it. I don’t know why people seemed to think that I had lots of boyfriends. Then at work, there was Trevor Griggs I did go out with, Stan Dixon and Bob W, and that ‘s all. Gordon Turner came out then and I had a game with him. He won, though it was an extremely close game. We went inside then and I talked to Sister Pascoe. Ken played for a while on the Piano, then I said I had to go home. I was a bit worried bout what Mum would be thinking about my being away so late. They were in bed when I got home so I went to bed. When I woke up in the morning, I apologised to Beth for not accepting her apology.

19570919 Friday – I spent ages today trying to sort “Armageddon” but got exactly nowhere. I didn’t feel like spending the whole evening on the subject so I just spent half an hour talking the subject over with Charles and straightening out a few points and then I went to the Lecture at Prospect with Dad and Mum. When we arrived the hall was already crowded. We met Fred Hackett out the front and he introduced me to a girl and her mother, old friends of his who turned up to the Lecture. Then we went into the hall. I saw Jeff sitting down the front. Mum and Dad walked down the centre aisle and Dad decided on the seats – just in front of Jeff. I didn’t let Jeff know that I knew that he was there. Dad and Mum and I sat down and Dad and I talked for a bit. Then I felt someone kicking me from behind. I turned around and Jeff grinned and said “Hello.” I said, “Hello” back and told him that he needn’t let me know he was there so…so “forcibly,” he said, supplying the word for me. I grinned and turned back. There were tons and tons of strangers and it looked as though the evening was going to be a success. I prayed then that it would be.

John Martin was the chairman and he in his usual sincere and forthright way started the meeting off. Then Uncle Perce stood up and began his lecture. It was very similar in nature to the previous one at Goodwood and it was good. He came “Echoing down the corridors of time” again, but he also came up with some new phraseology. Dear old Uncle Perce, I guess we’ll be hearing some more of his famed tongue twisters in the near future. At one time during the meeting, he was emphasising the fact that the Christadelphians had been teaching these things for over a hundred years and that 300 years ago a book had been written called…I forgot what the name was, but he paused dramatically, then said, “Written by me.” I looked at Dad and Dad looked at me and I just about went into convulsions. I knew Perce was ancient, but not that ancient. Afterward, he told me that the name of the man who wrote the book was “Mede,” but it had sounded to me like “me.” After the conclusion of the lecture, just as John was going to close with prayer, a woman stood up and publicly thanked Uncle Perce and the rest of the Christadelphians for the meeting. She said that she had previously been a Buddhist and that now she was “waiting for her savior.” She was almost crying. John thanked her and finished the meeting. The woman sounded a bit of an emotionalist, but she was probably very sincere. Anyway, at the meeting that night were 43 visitors.

After the meeting, I went over to Jan Randall and talked to her. Charles and Beth were engaged in conversation with two “British Israelites.” Fred Hackett came charging ovr to me and enthusiastically told me that he was going to the woman and her daughter’s place next Sunday and they would be coming to the meeting next Sunday night. I told him not to try and rush things, but to take it easy with them. Jeff was overtalking to Frank Russell then, but he moved down the hall opposite to where we were standing and got into conversation with the people the Ide’s had brought along. Every now and then he would glance over in my direction. I told myself I was imagining things and gave attention to Fred Hackett and Robin Mansfield who had just come up. When we got home, Mum told me that she had seen Jeff looking at me all the time and that I was not imagining it, but with Jeff that doesn’t mean anything anyway. I didn’t even attempt to build up any hopes, because I’ve learned that it doesn’t pay and is a waste of time. Jan and I moved outside then and just as we arrived at the door we heard a thud and a moan and next thing we knew Old Sister Mercer was lying on the ground at the foot of the steps. We dashed down to help her. She had cut her eye and she was holding her side and moaning, “My heart, my heart!” Her son came tearing up then and someone put a Bible under head and put a rug over her. A boy passing by told us that there was a doctor across the road and one of the Mercer brothers went over to get him. He took ages to come though, and Jack Mercer gave her some brandy and I took off my coat and put it under my head. Then some St John’s ambulance men came and attended to her eye and made her comfortable. Then another St John’s man came up with a stretcher and they lifted her onto it and took her into the hall. I put my coat on again and then went in search of the Bible which had been under her head because Sister Muggleton said she couldn’t find it. I went in past Jeff who was talking to Frank Russell and John Martin and picked up the Bible and took it back. But Sister Muggleton said that it was the wrong Bible so I went back again, past Jeff. He looked at me curiously probably wondering why I was treking back and forth. I got the right Bible and walked back again, past Jeff. I’ll have him dizzy yet if I keep doing this. We went home then and Charles and Beth followed us in the car.

When we got home Mum came charging into my room and told me that she had seen Jeff looking at me all the time. I remained unruffled because it will take more than that to affect me much in future. Beth came in then and we talked about the meeting and we were both in fits, recalling how Uncle Perce looked so much like a devil up on the platform. When he got in front of the lights on the platform in front of the ma p, his glasses made peaked shadows above each corner of his eyes and he would crouch down and charge at the map with that stick he was using to refer to places on the map and during the meeting, Beth and I had a job to stop ourselves from laughing. I think I was a bit light-headed tonight.

19570921 Letter to Jean O’Connor from Stan Mansfield, 17 Carmichael St East Ivanhoe. Stan said they were booked up already and could not have me to stay during the Messiah. Gave me a phone number to contact someone who could have me.

19570922 Sunday – I had one or two complimentary things happen today which cheered me a little today. I got ready for the meeting and we left as usual (arriving on time which was unusual). I went into the foyer of the hall and shook hands with Bro Ross Gray and then Theo Provis who was standing nearby said, “You needn’t hold her hand for so long, Ross,” and Brother Gray said, “Why not? I enjoy it,” and Theo Provis said “Who wouldn’t? “ That was nice, I thought. Max Goodwin was received in at the meeting and Malcolm Wauchope spoke. Then after the meeting, I got Jan Randall to speak to Phil Wilson about the trip to Melbourne and ask him for suggestions about who to contact in Melbourne for somewhere for us to stay since Stan Mansfield is unable to put us up in Melbourne. Then I went out the front and talked to Mum for a while and we both got into a conversation with Bro. Keith Provis and the Simpson’s. I asked how Colin Provis was and he told me that he is still not well and we talked about him for a while. It was also pleasant that Bro. Provis seemed happy to talk with me as long as he did. After that I spoke to Rosalie Martin and Beth in the doorway of the hall and then Sister Pascoe came by. We walked outside and Mum was there talking with Sister Pascoe. They were in my direct path so I walked up to them. They were talking about Gordon Turner and it seems that he is not very well. He came over to Australia from England with an ear infection and hasn’t managed to clear it up since he came over. Then Jeff came up and joined the group, and Mum left and walked back into the hall. I intended to move off too, but Jeff put his hand out to shake hands with me and then, just after he had said “Hello,” Aunty Grace Wilson came up. She showed her obvious liking for Jeff. “How’s my Jeff?” she said. Seems Jeff has a lot of mothers now. I noticed something a bit odd too. When Sister Pascoe first came up, she looked at him and then at me and I’m sure that in her mind she has us paired up. Then Sister Pascoe and Aunty Grace left and walked to the car and that left just Jeff and me standing there and I was all prepared for him to excuse himself and to move away, but he didn’t and we just continued standing there talking.

We talked about the Sunday School exam and I questioned him on what would happen to the Jews in the land at Armageddon. We talked for a long time and gradually everyone else went home. Brother Lee was looking as though he wanted to talk to me and another brother looked as though he wanted to talk to Jeff, so I called Brother Lee over and Jeff and I stood more or less side by side talking to the two brethren. Then the one that was talking to Jeff left and I thought again that he would move off, but no, he just stood and listened in to our conversation about the walls of Jerusalem and Brother Lee’s essay. Then Brother Lee left and Jeff and I continued our conversation. There was hardly anyone left by this time, just Dad and Mum talking to Des and Brian Manser, Brother and Sister Jolly and that was all. A brother and a sister sitting in their car, when they saw that Jeff and I looked as though we might break it up, called out to him and asked him if he’d like a ride home. He did. He left and then I moved over to Mum and Dad and Des and Brian. Des made some comments about me having stopped gassing at last.

19570925 Wednesday – When I arrived home from work today, there were two letters awaiting me. One from Rowena Ricketts in Jamaica and the other from Keith Noble’s Mother. That was for Mum but she gave it to me to read. Evidently They were pleased that Mum visited them, but very sorry that they missed her. They were in town with Keith taking him to see a specialist. The specialist had him put in hospital that day and he is having shock treatment. His nerves must have been in ribbons. Poor lad. I decided I’d go out to see him so I rang up the Osmond Terrace Hospital and asked if he was receiving visitors. He is, so I worked on my marking until 7 pm and then rode up to the hospital. I was just propping my bike up against he wall when Keith’s parents walked up evidently they were going the same direction as I was. We went into the hospital together and while we were waiting they told me how his breakdown had happened. They believe it came because of too much study, an inferiority complex because he seemed to be competing with Jeff. Jeff had become a Christadelphian at the same time as Keith, but Jeff had left him far behind as far as studying was concerned. Mrs Noble also said that before Keith came home, a couple of weeks ago, if his mother didn’t come in to see him he wouldn’t call her and when she did go in, he’d have his head buried under the pillow. He wouldn’t eat drink or talk much. When Jeff or John would go to see him, he’d perk up a bit but then as soon as they left, he would go down into depression again.

When we were at last allowed to see Keith, we walked up to his bed and found him with his eyes closed and he looked ghastly. His mother kissed him and he opened his eyes and breathed, “Hello Mum” then he looked vacantly at me and said,”Hello.” He looked really bad. He was just skin and bone but his pimples had cleared up on his face. His mother asked him questions about his tablets and capsules etc. And he told her he’d taken them, but he had a terrible head ache. He said that “They’d put a metal band around his head.” That means he has had shock treatment I should say. A nurse came up then and gave him a cup of tea and a biscuit and helped him to sit up. When he had finished the biscuit, he lay down again. By this time we’d all got talking a bit more freely and Keith had brightened up considerably. He began to talk more and tell us about the other patients. His father started talking too about the other lads that had been coming to see Keith at home. He is pretty taken with the young Folk, Mr Noble said.

Jeff came up in the conversation, and Mr Noble told us how that that when Jeff last had come to see Keith, he had got interested in a new mixer they had bought and he pulled the thing to bits a bit to have a look at it and finally said that he’d have to get one for his mother. Keith said that Jeff’s mother is pretty sickly, but when you go around there, she does everything for you and is polite and all that but she’s got no life or energy in her. Jeff’s father is supposed to be the image of Jeff, in his ways, mannerisms, everything. I guess I’d like to see him and see if I think so too. Keith thinks that Jeff and John will be coming to see him tomorrow night. Hmm. Maybe I will come too.

When the bell finally rang, we had to leave and Mrs Noble went to see the Sister and Mr Noble and I waited outside. We started to talk about Keith being shy. I said that I hadn’t found him shy – he’s not shy with me anyway. I said that when Keith is better again, the Young Folk will see he stays that way. I said that what Keith might need is a girlfriend so that he could have some regulr company. I started to think of girls who could suit him.

Last time I saw Jeff, I mentioned to him that I had a different understanding to him on some of the points he wrote in his articles on the temptation of Christ. He then said something that surprised me. He said that we’d have to get together sometime and discuss it. I didn’t believe that he could really mean that, so I just passed over it and didn’t take it seriously. I said, “Oh yes, in a few years when I’ve got about 6 years to spare, I will.” He said, “No, soon, I’d like to have your views on it.” I didn’t know what to say. I really think that he would be interested in my views on the subject. Then he said that he’d have to write a summary of the “Events subsequent to Christ’s return” and give it to me for correction!! I didn’t know whether he was joking or not. It didn’t sound like it. But I wasn’t sure, so I laughed and said “And I’ll send the corrected article back to you for corrections of my corrections.”

When we got home I went out in the garden with Mum whilst she was doing some watering. She said, “Well dear, I heard some really nice things said about you last Sunday. I was talking to Keith Provis after the meeting, and he said that you had been talking to him earlier, do you remember that?” “Yes, I said, what about it?” Well I was standing talking with him and some other brothers and sisters and Keith told the group that he felt that I was one of the few girls that had grace, charm and intelligence combined with a genuine love of the Truth!” Everyone turned and looked at you were you were standing and talking with Jeff outside the front of the Hall. One of the sisters said, “And don’t Jeff and Fay look good together?” “I said, “Mum, did they really say that or are you just exaggerating.” “No I am not,” said my Mum, “And that’s not all that got said that day, either.” I said, “Oh yes , what else?” Mum said, I was talking to Phyl Pascoe and Grace Wilson and they told me that you are the only girl that Jeff is likely to be interested in.” I said, well that is nice of you and them Mum but I don’t really believe it all. “Well that’s not all that got said to me on Sunday.” “Oh Mum, what else?” Mum said,”I was talking to Sister Phyl Dangerfield for a while and she said, “Jean you have a lovely daughter and I hope my daughter Maureen turns out to be as lovely.” I don’t get this. If I recall only a couple of weeks ago Beth and Charles and Mum were all telling me that people thought I was a “flirt” and I should change my behavior. I wish they’d all make up their minds. I went for a walk after dinner to think about all the conflicting information that was running around in my head. I ended up at the Fullarton playgrounds and I sat down on the grass there for a fair while. Then I went back home and sang hymns at the piano with Mum for a while. Then Dad came in and told me that we were going to the Temple, not to Enfield tonight. I wasn’t too happy about this because John Martin was speaking at Enfield and David Wauchope at Adelaide and I enjoy John Martin more than David Wauchope. Anyway, I had no choice because it was too late to go by bus to Enfield, so I had to go to Adelaide.

When we arrived in the car, Jeff was walking along with Margaret Watson and her mother. Suddenly to my shame, I didn’t feel so bad about going to Adelaide. Mum and I were just in front of Jeff as we reached the hall, and I walked up to a group of girls. As I did so, Jeff walked straight up to Mum, caught her arm and drew her aside. I wondered what was up, but I didn’t stay and listen, but went inside with the others.

I sat with Wendy Jolly and Dawn and Glennis Lawrey. David Wauchope’s subject was, “Many Churches, one Bible, Why?” After the meeting Jeff got in a little huddle with a stranger and David Wauchope and some others got into a conversation with three Jehovah’s witnesses. They talked together for ages. Merve Milverton’s wife came up and talked to us for a while and said, “I was sitting next to Jeff during the lecture and afterward he dropped his pencil, and when he had picked it up, he offered it to me to fill in the form provided. I said to him, ‘You don’t know me do you?’ and he said, ‘No, I’m afraid I don’t.’ ‘Well,’ she said, ‘I ‘m the speaker’s wife.’” Then Jeff said, “Oh, well my approach was good wasn’t it?” Trust Jeff!

I was talking up the back with “Big Bill Stevenson” for a while until everyone else had just about gone. Then I talked with Cathy Cobbledick, Sister Pascoe and Janet Wauchope. At last the menfolk decided it was time to go home and we left the meeting. We laughed and joked the whole way. Every time one of us would speak, one of the others would “quip” him or her and we’d “chalk it up on the war-board.” Sister Pascoe was making remarks about us having left the Wauchope’s car behind and Jeff said that he should have driven behind it and shone the headlights through the window. Then Sister Pascoe asked me if I was warm enough. I told her I was (with a chuckle, because I guessed what was up to.) She said “Are you sure you’re warm enough?” “Quite sure,” I replied. Jeff made some remark about “Warm blooded Englishmen.” And at the same time Gordon said “that’s a relief, I was thinking I might be called upon to be gallant.” We were all laughing by then, and Sister Pascoe said that if I’d said I was cold she would have suggested that Gordon do his duty.” “Well,” Gordon said “I’ll get my arm free anyway, just in case.” Then Gordon and I started to whistle after that, and Sister Pascoe actually asked us to whistle some songs. She thought it sounded nice. We had a wonderful evening and I think that Gordon Turner is terrific. We declared war on each other and I challenged him to a game of table tennis. Jeff and Gordon then began to sing “We’ll run them in.” And it sounded so good. They’ve both got nice voices. I was sorry when we arrived home.

19570926 Thursday – I don’t know what to make of Jeff Berry. I rang up the hospital tonight, but they told me that Keith couldn’t have visitors. He’s pretty bad it seems. We were late starting out for the meeting tonight as usual, but it started late, so that was all right. When we arrived I said “Hello,” to sister Manser and inquired about the family, then I walked inside with Mum and found Dad talking to Old Bro Jim Mansfield. He looked quite well, though sister Mansfield (Dorris) says it’s only a matter of time before he dies. He’s been so ill. Uncle Perce is going to take a tape recorder when he goes to their place next, so that he can get a recording of his parents’ voices. They’re a lovely old couple. He (Bro. Jim) commented on how I’d grown up. He takes a great interest in me. Dad thinks the world of him. Just as we were about to make up our minds on where we were going to sit, Mum told me that there was a boy in the back row beckoning to me. I turned around and there was Roger Green, my old school friend, sitting there. I smiled at him, but went and sat down in the front behind old Bro and Sister Harris. I think he would have liked me to sit next to him, but I didn’t think I’d better. Just after I had sat down though, I decided I should at least go and speak to him. I got up, and went u the back and said, “Hello” to him. And he told me that he had been given the pamphlet I’d told him about (about the Spirit gifts). His girlfriend is a faith healer and he’s wondering about the subject.

Jeff was up the back talking to Lindsay Colquhoun while I was talking to Roger. I thought rather lazily about last week and wondered where he’d sit this week. He always leaves it until the last minute to sit down – so that he can take his pick where and who to sit with – or maybe to make an entrance, whatever it is that he wants to achieve. It was about five past eight when I sat down again, and just after I had seated myself next to Mum and Dad and Billy Ryall again, Jeff walked up and took the seat directly in front of me. I just about blew a valve and it took me a real effort not to bursting out laughing. If he’s keen on me why doesn’t he sit with me. If he‘s not keen on me why does he always sit near me; why does he do that? Is he teasing me or does he want to hurt me and mock me? Whatever it is, it is so unkind of him. But then my sense of humor got me and I remembered lat when when he sat behind me and then let his presence be known by kicking me. I decided to let him feel my presence in a similar manner. I raised my foot and gave him a not-so-gentle kick. He jumped and turned around. I said, “The situation’s reversed this time, isn’t it.” He grinned and told me he’d get his own back on me next time.

Billy Ryall and I began discussing Bible marking then and compared our Malachi notes. Then the meeting started. It was held on an informal basis and anyone could address questions to HPM. He looked a bit sick before the meeting started and he said afterward that he had felt dizzy and he couldn’t see straight and Sister Mansfield said that he was also terribly nervous. He did a marvelous job though. The questions were extremely difficult, yet he answered them marvelously well. Roger Green asked two questions – quite good ones and was answered very effectively. After the meeting everyone had a cup of tea. Jeff turned around and started to talk to me. I asked him if he’d been to see Keith, and he said that he wasn’t allowed visitors. I told him that I’d gone there last night which surprised him. I told him how Keith had been then and we were talking for a fair while about wha we each felt the cause of it all. I said, “I understand you gave him an inferiority complex.” He looked and me and asked me what I meant. I explained that because Keith and he had come into the meeting at the same time, Keith apparently felt a bit inferior to Jeff because Jeff seemed to have made much greater steps than he had in the Truth. That worried Jeff and I felt a bit bad for mentioning it.

I changed the subject anyway and said that I thought the Sunday School exam should be banned, because it caused the Young People (and me) to get in such a stew. I said it was crazy and didn’t matter anyway, and it wouldn’t decide whether a person got into the kingdom or not. Then Jeff said something about me not applying what I was saying to myself. He told me to take a lesson from Keith. I asked him if he thought that I was heading for a nervous break down or something. He said he couldn’t say, but big things start from little things. He said, “Do you realize that you have had circles under your eyes for weeks now?” I told him I was aware of it. “It’s not becoming you know.” He grinned at me, “Do I have to press the point any further?” he asked. I grinned and said, “Yes.” Then he really began to lecture me. Telling me that I’d have to cut out a few meetings, go to bed early, etc. I got sick of it and changed the subject. I asked him what he thought about the “Wilderness of the people.” I gave him my views, or at least what Charlie had told me and he gave me his. He thinks that the wilderness of the people is literal as well as symbolic. So did I until Charlie got onto me. Now after Jeff had finished hashing it up, I didn’t know what to think. I’ll have to go through it all over again.

We stayed talking together for ages. He continued to sit in the seat in front of me, leaning over the back of his chair and I was leaning on the same chair. Mum said afterward that we were so close together, you couldn’t tel who was who. We had to get close though so that he could see onto my Bible. Lindsay Colquhoun broke in on us then and spoke to Jeff about GES and I got up and moved away. Oh. I forgot, Jeff told both Nancy King and me earlier that he won’t be going to Perth because his company has told him that it would be inadviseable for him to go at that time. Poor Jeff. I showed Uncle Perce the letter from Rowena Ricketts and he read it and laughed a bit. I guessed the bit he was laughing at. I asked him if he’d like to read it at the next Young Folk’s class. He chuckled and said, perhaps he’d better not. “Apparently things are done very differently in Jamaica,” he said. I asked him what he thought the definition of “boyfriend” was. He laughed and said he didn’t know but that he thought or at least he hoped that Rowena’s definition would differ somewhat from mine.

Jack Mansfield wanted to read the letter but I had to go. I went out the front and talked to Roger Green for a while and he seemed to be quite impressed with the night and said that his questions had been effectively answered. He‘s coming along again next Sunday night. I talked to Wendy Jolly for a while. She’s looking tired now too. It seems that soon you’ll be able to tell a Christadelphian by the number of rings under their eyes. We left then and when I arrived home I was so tired I couldn’t sleep. I thought about Jeff’s lecture to me and his comments about how tired I looked.

19570929 Sunday – Jeff had cooled off again today. He didn’t speak to me this morning after the meeting. I spent most of the time talking to Bro. Provis and a few others. I was asking everyone what they understood by the “Wilderness” of the People.” I’m really not clear enough about it for the exam. Sunday school in the afternoon – and the exam. We arrived on time.

19571003 Thursday – Brothers are the most unhelpful people! After work today, I rode out to Miss Patterson’s and had a fitting for my bridesmaid’s frock. It looks really lovely. Then I rode home and rushed through my dinner, hopped on my bike again and rode around to the Hospital. It was about a quarter past seven when I arrived. I walked in and the boy in the corner called out, “Here comes Keith’s Maiden Aunt.” I grinned at him and walked over to Keith’s bed. John Knowles and Phyl Matthews were there and they were looking at the slides I had lent Keith. We sat talking for about half an hour and then Ruth and Mary Eakins walked in. John kept looking out the door, and I found that he was expecting Jeff to come. Sure enough about a half an hour later than John had said that he was supposed to arrive, Jeff turned up. He walked in in a daze. He looks terrible. He’s been working on the map for Uncle Perce to take away as well as a lecture for Woodville Young Folks. He sat down on the chair next to Ruth and the talking started up again.

At one stage Keith put his finger up and tried to stare me out again. He seems to think it is funny and loves to do it, but he never wins. Very few people can stare me out. I wonder if Jeff could? At about 8 o‘clock, John, Phyl, Ruth and Mary left and then Charles and Beth arrived. Jeff moved around to my side of the bed and sat down and I moved up next to Keith’s head and leaned against the top of the bed. In that position I could see the boy in the bed across the room. He smiled and I smiled back. Jeff turned around and had a look. Keith commented on Bob Martin’s health or lack of it. He reckoned that it was his girlfriend that was keeping him going. Charlie grinned and said that it was his girlfriend that was keeping him under. He said that once you get a girlfriend, you start having your 12 o ‘clock nights lengthening out to 2 o‘clock nights. Jeff looked at me meaningfully. He seemed to be taking it as though Charlie was directing his comments at him. They laughed and talked about the subject and all the time Jeff kept casting me these “meaningful” looks.

Just after the bell went for us to leave the boy walked into the ward who is in the hospital for the same thing as Keith. I said to Keith, “Here it comes.” Jeff looked around and then asked us who “it” was. Keith told him. Then we had to go. Jeff walked out first and I followed. As I passed the last bed I said goodbye to the boy there. As we got out into the hall, Jeff said to Charles and Beth, “Fay knows all the occupants of the hospital already.” Beth made some remark which I didn’t hear and Jeff laughed. I think it was something like “Trust Fay, it’s nothing unusual for her.” That’s what it sounded like anyway. I got my bike and rode beside them as they walked out of the grounds. Jeff put his arm on my shoulder and pressed hard. We struggled for a minute and then I put my arm on his shoulder and rode along beside him. Charlie asked me if I‘d like to ride home or put my bike in the back of their car. I said I’d put the bike in the back. We got in the car and Jeff closed the door for me and then Charlie opened it again and told Jeff he’d give him a lift. He declined at first but then he got in. He had to put his arm along the back of the seat because it was crowded. I longed to nestle in but I just sat there. We drove him to the bus stop in Currie Street, Then Jeff asked us to have a cup of coffee with him.

Charles and Beth declined. Some people are very helpful. I couldn’t very well say I’d have one and ride home on my bike so I just didn’t say anything. I’m angry at myself anyway. If I’d thought a bit, I would have realized that if I‘d declined a lift home with Charles and Beth, Jeff probably would have too and then we could have spent the evening talking or something. He was tired out though, so it‘s best that he went home. Mum fitted my dress when I arrived home and then I went to bed.

19571007 Monday – It seems a long time since the Conference Evening – a very long time.

I went to see Keith this evening. I arrived early. I talked to Brian Dutchland out the front for a while and to another patient he introduced to me as “Jim.” I talked with them for bout a quarter of an hour. Then I went inside to see Keith. I was the only visitor and things went a little quieter than usual. Keith had had shock treatment in the morning and he wasn’t as good as he could have been. We talked about various things for a while, then I worked the conversation around to Rosalie Foster. I asked him if he was keen on her. He didn’t confirm my question, but he didn’t deny it either. He is keen on Rosalie and he’s torn between loyalty to Bob Martin whom he likes and his attraction to Rosalie. He said that Bob was taking him shooting next Saturday. I said, “Will Rosalie be there?” “I hope ..not.” Replied Keith. I wonder how much he likes Rosalie. Isn’t it a crazy world?” He asked me what was in my locket then. I knew I shouldn’t have worn it. I told him not to be curious. He worked on me, but I didn’t give in. Then he pretended to lose interest and said it would only be Barry Spencer’s photo in there. I asked him how he had found out Barry ‘s name. He told me he had known all along and had just been quizzing me. I believe him too. I still find it hard to know when Keith is just hiding behind a wall, or when he means what he says.

Just then Jeff Berry walked in. I knew he had known I was coming tonight and I had wondered whether he would turn up or not. From then on, the conversation went into conventional channels and Keith didn’t speak about Rosalie gain. Keith asked Jeff what hotel they were staying in Melbourne and Jeff told him they were staying in the Federal. Then Keith asked who else would be going and that was when I learned that Jeff, John Knowles, Keith Noble, Phyl Matthews, Wendy Jolly and Dawn Lawrey would be going. I immediately forgot any plans I might have had of staying in the sam e hotel. Too many corns to step on there. Every now and then I would talk to the new boy in the bed next Keith – just for something to do, and when at last we had to leave, I said “Goodbye” to him and also to the other boy in the corner bed. I wondered what Jeff thought. Then as we walked out the gate, Jim was standing there and I said goodbye to him as well. Jeff said, “You know everyone in this place don’t you?” I told him I knew quite a few. We walked along for a bit and then I asked him where he was going. He said he would catch the bus in the next street. I got on my bike then and rested my hand on his shoulder. After a while I got off again and walked. I told him my balance wasn’t too good. “ Off balance are you?” I laughed and glared at him, then he said “Well I can’t keep both feet on the ground either.”

Everything Jeff says seems always to have a double meaning. We came to the corner then and we stopped and I leaned on my bike. It was strained between us. Then he said, “You haven’t said anything about my lecture last Saturday?” I said, “Why should I say anything about your lecture?” “Well you didn’t think it was perfect did you?” Jeff replied. “No,” I said, “but then, I haven’t gone into the subject very much so I see no point in criticising your work when you have gone into it.” I did tell him however that I thought it had been rather hard to follow. Then I couldn’t help teasing him a bit, I said, “What does it matter anyway, because everyone else would think anything you have to say is good, merely because if is Jeff Berry speaking.” “That’s what I’m afraid of, “ said Jeff. He sounded quite bitter. He looked away again and stared at a point to the right of my shoulder. I said, “Is it all just a bluff Jeff? That you know everything?” and he replied “Yes.” “And behind it?” I asked. “I’m scared, just scared,” He said. I weighed his words. He sounded sincere yet Jeff is inclined to get dramatic at times. I think he meant what he said this time, though. He is very young to be giving lectures and he must feel a bit insecure at times.

He asked me about my job, whether I would still be leaving my job at The News. We talked about that for a while and I expressed the feeling that I hated the pointlessness of working and slaving each day for a boss who is entirely alienated from the Truth. He told me that he was worried about his job for that reason. He said he has been asking advice from various older brethren about what he should do with his working life.The conversation wandered again and I asked him what the look had meant that he had given me when Charlie had made that comment about 1 o’clock mornings. He told me that he had thought Charlie was referring to the morning he had left my place at 1.00. I said I didn’t think Charlie was referring to that. He seemed a bit relieved at that. Somehow we both seemed to have been beating around the bush in our conversation. He refered back to what we had been talking about previously about his lecture. He said that he had seen me laughing at him at times and he’d thought, “She can see through me, she knows it’s all a bluff and she’s chuckling to herself about it.” It felt really strange hearing about things from his point of view. We both seem to have very different view points on things and other people do too. Everyone thinks Jeff is so intelligent and has a photographic memory and so they don’t think that he has doubts and fears the same as everyone else.

The conversation drifted again. At last, I said “Are we going to keep on standing here beating around the bush, or shall we get to the point?” Jeff said, “All I’m trying to do is to get a bit of frankness and sincerity between us.” Just then a car full of boys passed us for about the third time. Jeff said, “Friends of yours?” “Oh just a few of my friends about the district, you know how it is?” I replied. Then I don’t know what made me say it, because it wasn’t exactly truthful but I said, “Fancy, I used to do that.” I guess I did at school, but the crowd I was with, though they were slightly mad were decent enough lads. Jeff said “It’s funny but I used to think….” “…that I’d led a sheltered life, tied to my mother’s apron strings,” I finished for him. “Yes,” Jeff replied. I thought about that for a while, then I asked him if we were going to stand on the corner all night because if not there was a seat across the road which we might as well make use of.

He took my bike and we walked along the lawn in the middle of Osmond terrace. We passed the first seat and walked to the next one further down. We dumped my bike against a tree and then sat down on the seat. He put his arm around me and ran his fingers up and down my arm. I suddenly felt as though I was going to cry, and I tried frantically to keep the tears back. “Well,” said Jeff, “What are we going to do?” I forced the last of my tears back and said, “I don’t know, what are we going to do?” He said, “Would you rather be hurt now or later.” Every muscle in my whole body tightened and I said, “Now.” He was silent and I said, “go on?…in the pause that followed I said, “You’re not one bit keen on me are you Jeff?” He was silent for a while and then he said. “You only see me for a few hours a week, Fay. You don’t know what I am really like, what I think about in the long hours at home.” He’d evaded my question just beautifully. I said. “What do you feel Jeff?” and he replied, “I don’t really know.” “Jeff” I said, “that night at my place, you didn’t mean a thing you said did you?” He thought for a minute and then replied, “That night I treated you like I’ve treated many other girls, I’m sorry.” “Well, I guess I encouraged you all the way, so it was my fault as much as yours,” I said. “The way I kissed you was no way to kiss a girl.” My sense of humor kicked in just then, because it sounded as though he didn’t intend to stop kissing me but just kiss me in a different way.” I giggled.

I said, Your weakness is girls isn’t it Jeff?” He agreed with me and started to talk about how he’d set himself an aim in the Truth, which did not include girls and yet he was continually falling down on it, that the flesh was so weak, he couldn’t trust himself with girls, he couldn’t trust himself with me. Often he’d find himself weakening and then like tonight he’d find himself here with me. The pressure on my arm tightened. He then talked on about how weak he was, about “the weakness of the flesh ,” and that he couldn’t get married until he was at least 26 and so he shouldn’t be spending time with me now, it was way too soon. “I should be spending my time on the Truth, not on a girl, any girl, right now. “Well I don’t know how you are going to last the distance then, because all of the girls at the Temple are keen on you.” That’s the trouble in the ecclesia,” Jeff replied, “The emphasis is too much on girls and boys getting married too young.”

Suddenly the whole thing seemed farcical to me, as though the two of us were acting a part in a play. Here was Jeff, quoting the scriptures about the evils of the flesh, saying he shouldn’t be here with me, getting all dramatic, when all he had to do was get up, take his arm from around me and go. But for that matter, I thought perhaps it was up to me to do it. I didn’t want to get up though however ridiculous the whole thing was. I didn’t want to leave. “We’re getting nowhere are we?” I said. I stood up. I seemed to take an awful wrench to do it. I walked over to my bike and Jeff followed. I asked Jeff how old he was and he told me that he will be 21 in November. I commented that my birthday was in the same month as his and he asked me what date. I told him. “Ken Pascoe tells me that you took your first girl out when you were nine didn’t you.” I grinned at him. He grinned back and said that he knew he shouldn’t have told Ken the things he had. “Still” he consoled himself, “I didn’t tell him much.”

He grinned at me again and said, “so you’re 18 in November.” “Yes,” I replied, “Sweet 18” He said, “I could make a comment about that.” I said, “I reached sweet 16 anyway.” Jeff asked me if I remained sweet 16 for long. I assured him I didn’t. I got on my bike and rode home. He watched me as I rode off.