20180505 – Saturday – HVE Bike ride at The rowing club, Speers Point Park.

20180505 – Saturday – HVE Bike ride at The rowing club, Speers Point Park.

Last night, my over-active brain was working at full blast. It is my belief that every problem that we could ever experience has its answer and solution, somewhere in the Bible. The skill is to be able to “search” our data base of knowledge and come up with the right answer. That requires and immense amount of Bible knowledge.

When I first realised this was so it was about 28 years ago, in 1989 when I first moved out from home leaving my husband behind. I was so unhappy. Unhappy with my life, with myself, with my husband, with my children, with the whole world in fact. 

I realised that my Bible knowledge was not great enough to provide me with a “thus saith the Lord,” as and answer to the problems of my life.

I didn’t  have Jesus’ knowledge. So I decided to get it. I purchased some CDs of Alexander Scourby reading the King James Version of the bible. 

My job was selling real estate, so I was in my car most days for a number of hours. I began to play these CDs over and over again in my car. It was actually a big sacrifice for me, because I loved  music and if I was going to be listening to God’s words, I would not be able to listen to music. 

So from 1989 to 2018 which is some 29 years. I thought that if I did that, it might change me, but somehow at the end of that time I felt that it hadn’t changed me one little bit. I had hoped I would FEEL wise, but I only felt more miserably unfit for this life than I did before.

Because I am so bad at math, I never did learn the actual location of the quotations. I never did actually feel that I could recite the Bible, but I did find that I could be saying the words a second or so before Alexander Scourby did. 

But I did find that my mind could jump from one quote to another, but I could not just say, well that was Rev 20:4. So eSword became my “locator” of the quotes. 

I found another phenomenon that happened to me. My visual skills improved dramatically. For reading say Ezekiel Ch 1, at first every part of the vision seemed to be a separate entity, but gradually the overview of the picture grew in my mind. I found my powers of visualisation increased dramatically. I saw everything in pictures. 

So when I discovered Jim Dillingham’s Visions of the future age, I was absolutely dumbfounded. I listened to his studies over and over and could not seem to retain them in my head. I also didn’t like some of what I heard. I wrote to Jim and we had discussions about his “tone” of voice. I thought that he was too judgmental, concerned about “God’s righteousness” as if somehow it was his personal responsibility to defend that “right-ness.” When I saw it as God’s work and not mien or his to defend God. God’s answer I felt was out of the whirlwind, “Where were you Job? When I did all these things, or in my terminology, “Who do you think your are, Job?”

So Jim and I had lots of disagreements, but in the end, I got used to his “style,” and accepted his person as he is, warts and all. I learned a big lesson, just not agreeing with someone’s “take” on things, doesn’t mean you can’t learn from their words, if the majority of their words are God’s words. So, I just continued to listen, and to love JD for all his hard labour in “dividing the word of Truth,” and teaching me his ways.

The same with NC. NC doesn’t like me, I drive him barmy, but I LOVE his words and so I listen and transcribe and read and absorb. I am convinced that I probably would not have liked Ezekiel either, he would have been an INTJ or combination thereof for sure, and my ENFP personality would have driven him up the wall. 

But the WORDS, God’s words are creative. LIGHT, LIGHT, LIGHT, and in him there is no “shadow of turning.” One day, maybe NC will forgive me for my foolishness and lack of understanding. In the meantime I will continue to learn at is feet.

So these days, I spend all my time “walking with God.” I wonder at him looking at a palm tree and seeing a beautiful woman with long flowing hair. Who IS this God? Who IS he? He is too great for me. And then I look at us all, little ants that we are, “What is man that thou art mindful of him.” And then I look at each individual person. I look at Talitha R and I see such beauty and wonder in each creation of God’s hand. 

And in my heart there is a love for my brothers and sisters that grows each day. I see everyone’s pain. I FEEL everyone’s pain, my own included. I think of Job, who wanted things to be FAIR, who believed that he was even more righteous than God. How foolish was he? Prov 24:9 “The thought of foolishness is sin: and the scorner is an abomination to men.” So in the very process of telling God how unfair he was being and how “righteous” job was, he was sinning right there.

And it is not about being “right” it is about being a scapegoat, a red heifer for our brothers and sisters. It is about LOVING and not sinning. God has made truth so paradoxical. He wants us to LOVE, and yet it is or ability to manage love that lets us down. In our very loving, we end up sinning. Maybe that is why they will neither “marry nor be given in marriage” in the kingdom, because we can’t manage those two sides of the coin. We love too much, we prostitute ourselves.

We can’t be priests and kings without God’s help because one is for mercy, the other is for judgment. We have to let it all be God’s work. We destroy each other in our need to be RIGHT. God can look after his own RIGHT-NESS. Just be kind, be loving, have “the law of kindness in our mouths” and forgive each other and we would be forgiven ourselves.